the feisty little bitch

2008-07-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

For Your Eyes Only

Tada! My new eyeglasses...

2008-06-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

Tossed About

I want to blog about how I enjoyed snuggling under my blanket and drinking hot chocolate but my weekend was not fun. I did not get much sleep yesterday. I was jolted awake at 2:00 in the morning by the strong winds. I heard howling outside. I sat up in bed and realized that the electricity was out. I went back to sleep and woke up again because I felt cool air coming from the fan. The electricity was back. I heard sounds coming from my parents' room and realized that they were awake. I heard them talking so I went to their bedroom. My mom told me that a ship was in trouble near Romblon. They've lost contact the night before. I went back to bed, sat up and ended up in tears. I felt cold all over. I felt transported to that night I thought I would die at the age of 12.

***

My parents allowed me to spend a week's worth of my summer vacation in Antique. My two aunts, Imelda and Analyn and my uncle were going home. I readily agreed since I'm pretty close to my aunts. I didn't mind having them for company. I enjoyed my time there. That was the time I lost my balance while walking along the rice paddies and I fell right into the muddy water. On the way home from the farm, I slipped down a muddy path leading to a river hidden by old trees. My aunt who was holding my hand ended up in a puddle with me so we went home all muddy. It was in the middle of May and the rainy season was starting. It poured every afternoon and my cousins would run out to take a bath in the streets with friends. On a rather sunny day, we commuted to a beach about an hour or two away from our town. I saw our old pictures in my grandparents' house last March.

I was pretty sad when we had to leave. My lola burst into tears before we boarded the jeepney going to San Jose and I sobbed all throughout until we got to the river leading out of Valderrama. We already heard the news that there was a typhoon. It didn't hit Panay Island directly but it brought about heavy rains. I felt wary about leaving. I was talking my aunts into staying for another day. They told me that it was perfectly safe to travel back to Manila. We ended up crossing the river by jeepney. It felt just like an adventure. I saw the wide expanse of the river where streams of water kept rushing past and we ambled our way to the other side. I did feel a bit scared of water flooding the river and bouncing us from our town to the sea. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my time traveling from one town to another. The ship was set to leave by lunch time so we stopped over my Kuya Warren's house. Though related to my cousin only through my parents' marriage, my aunts have a good relationship with him because they stayed in their house when they were in secondary school in San Jose. Kuya Warren introduced me to Ate Joy and we spent the whole morning in their house. Before going back to Kuya's house, we stopped by a store where he bought me two canisters of PikNik. After eating lunch, Kuya drove us to the pier. People were milling around the place seeing relatives and friends off. It's pretty much the port you see in Tagalog movies where kids jump into the water when you throw coins. You see coconut trees and houses dotting the coastline. The ships that ply the Manila-Antique route are small in size. They cannot match the ones going to Cebu or Iloilo. A lot of people were traveling back to Manila including Kuya's cousin on his mother's side who he introduced to us. My aunt Analyn warmed up to him so they spent the whole time talking. I was telling my aunts to just leave the next day because the skies were dark. Kuya took my side because he wanted me to stay so we could drive around town. My aunts put their foot down. We were leaving for Manila because it was safe to go. We traveled economy and we ended up on those folding beds placed on the sides because the double-deck beds were already occupied by people. Fine by me because I was busy being sad about the departure. I didn't really care where I slept. The pathetic thing about it was that the beds were placed opposite the bathroom doors. That was okay with me because I love going to the washrooms anyway. I remember looking wistfully out the balcony at the people and the place. I love my province to death no matter how poor it is. Kuya stood there waving and smiling at us. I waved back at him but I was controlling the tears from falling. I felt really depressed about leaving. When the people were just tiny dots in the distance, I settled in my bed and nibbled on a canister of PikNik. My aunt Imelda decided to lie down because traveling by sea made her sick. My aunt Analyn was somewhere with Kuya's cousin.

It wasn't raining. The sea was calm. I was quiet all throughout. I wanted to get home to my brothers because I had stories to tell. Before the sun set, we got to another pier which I later found out was in Culasi, Antique. We spent about 30 minutes to an hour there. I remember the orangey sky, the setting sun and the calm sea. Our beds were by the balcony so it was not hard to look out. A few minutes after departing Culasi, there were no stars in the sky. I heard rumbling from a distance. How could the weather change that fast? The rains just started coming down. The men brought the 'trapal' down so we wouldn't get wet. My aunt Imelda took a Bonamine tablet and went to bed. The ship started to pitch violently. I wanted to go up to the captain's cabin and beg him to go back to Culasi where the sea was calm and where we would be a lot safer.

We didn't go back. I remember seeing my aunt Imelda sitting up and almost puking her guts out. She barfed the Bonamine tablet out. She filled my empty canister of PikNik with vomit. It felt like eternity. The ship would tilt to the left and I would hold my breath thinking whether it would completely capsize. I would only start breathing normally when it would tilt back to the right then I knew that it was rolling along with the waves. I could hear the waves roaring outside and the rains lashing hard against the 'trapal'. I felt woozy but I didn't puke. Unfortunately, a lot of people ended up puking in the bathroom. The floors were filled with vomit and they made their way near our beds. It was disgusting, terrifying and shocking. You don’t feel icky when you're in the middle of the sea on a stormy night being tossed about by the waves. You won't even have the strength to complain about several discomforts. It was a nightmare. I couldn't cry because that would look like I was confronting the possibility of death. I knew it was dark outside and the ship was just a speck in the sea. I didn't know where we were but I was sure we were far away from Manila. We just left Antique a few hours ago. My aunt Analyn and Kuya's cousin arrived from the upper level of the ship. They sat on my aunt's bed and talked. My aunt told me to lie down. My aunt Imelda was pale at that time because of motion sickness and I didn't want to add to her troubles so I stayed put. I heard people puking inside the bathroom. Only a few walked around and it wasn't because they were socializing.

I didn't know how long I had my eyes closed before I heard the voice from the speakers. Somebody was already praying the Hail Mary. It was a recording but I felt so terrified. Why do we need to pray? Are we going to die? Is there a strong possibility that we need to jump off the ship into the dark waves? Those were the thoughts that crept into my mind. No tears came. I only prayed a short prayer that begged God to please make me get to Manila alive because I wanted to see my brothers. I was only 12 years old. I didn't know how to swim. I didn't know what to do with our stuff. Only a 'trapal' separated me from the sea. After a few hours of panic and fright, we got to Manila. I am still alive but I now have a habit of staring at the how the waves hit the sides of the ship whenever we travel by sea. I try to get over the trauma by looking at the water for a long, long time. You'll know if the water is deep when you can't see the bottom of the sea. The water no matter how calm and clean would look really dark.

***

Now that another ship has gone down and the 28 survivors so far have been found in a coastal town in Quezon 5-6 hours away from where it sunk in Romblon, wouldn't you be traumatized? It was heartbreaking when I heard one survivor relate how he jumped off the ship and 'naiwan yung mga matatanda'.

I want to slap that Coast Guard official silly when he told GMA during a phone conversation that the ship was allowed to leave the port because it was Signal # 1 in Manila. Punyeta! Signal # 1 sa Manila pero sa Visayas Signal # 3. My god. The ship was going to Cebu. How stupid can you people get?! Dapat siya ang hinagis dun sa dagat para hampasin ng alon. Grrr...

2008-06-21T16:41:00.001-07:00

Frank Is A Bad, Bad Boy

Typhoon Frank ravaged my province and hit my town, Valderrama directly. I couldn't contact my grandparents' cellphone number. My aunt informed my mom via text yesterday that they couldn't leave the house because of the strong winds and rain. About four people died because of the flash flood in our town. The number of deaths comes up to nine when you include the towns of San Remigio and San Jose de Buenavista (where my aunt and uncle in my dad's side live).

If this wide river gets flooded then you're just stuck in town. I guess that's their predicament now.

In Mindoro, our piggies are in for a dip. The caretaker told my dad that the flood is slowly creeping up to the pigpens. Poor piggies.

2008-06-17T17:49:00.005-07:00

The Windows To My Soul

I've always taken good care of my eyes since my paternal grandmother lost her eyesight a few years before she died. It has always been my fear to not be able to see things around me. As a kid, I entertained myself all throughout my travels to and from school (Cavite to Makati), by reading signs all around me. I mastered the places from Dasma to Makati because of that. Imagine my fright at seeing a lump on my eyelid while applying powder on my face last Sunday.

It was the usual weekend. After a visit to the dentist the day before, Augy and I stuffed ourselves with food in Max's along Quezon Avenue. We then checked into the Great Eastern Hotel where I napped for a few hours before waking up to go grocery-shopping in Landmark. After buying water and food, we walked around Trinoma before going back to the hotel. We watched tv and ate a lot. Augy snacked on Mexican-style peanuts and chicharon while I ate chocolate ensaymada and Milkiway from Bread Talk. The next day, we ordered rice and sisig and slept until it was an hour before checkout. After dressing up, I proceeded to apply powder on my face. I noticed a lump on my upper eyelid. I touched it and felt a hard, small marble-like thing right smack on my eyelid. I felt chills up and down my spine. It was painless really. You wouldn't even notice it unless I close my eye. I asked Augy to take a look and he told me to see a doctor once I get home. I was already imagining things. Like how many months I would stay alive and stuff. Hehe.

Unfortunately, it rained hard once I got off the bus in Golden City. My umbrella got all tangled while I battled the strong wind and rain. Once I boarded a jeepney to my village, I was bit soaked. I sent a message to my mom asking her to inform Erwin to fetch me in the grocery store outside our village. My mom and Kit were in the mall buying stuff for his swimming class so I had to call Gem so he can ask Erwin to bring my umbrella and Havaianas with me. My brand new gray sandals are too beautiful to use for traipsing on mud and rain water. When Erwin got to the commercial complex where I sought shelter, he only brought an umbrella. I admit it was mean for me to insist on him going back home to get my flipflops but that is just what he did. With thunder and lightning making a racket and the rain pouring down like there was no tomorrow, Erwin and I walked home. He brought a sturdy umbrella for me but I still got wet. Once I entered the safety and warmth of the living room, I told my grandma about the lump. She told me it was kuliti' or stye. I told her it wasn't a stye. Gem checked on it and told me that it looked similar to the bacterial infection that his classmate had. It got cured by hot compress and medication.

The minute Kit and my mom arrived from the mall, I showed her the lump. She told me to see a doctor the next day. My dad was still in Quezon so nobody can drive me to the hospital that afternoon. After getting soaked, I didn’t want to venture outside.

I woke up at 5:00 the next day. I ate a filling breakfast and took a cold bath before leaving the house with Gem. He got down near the entrance for the students since they're not allowed to enter the hospital area early in the morning. I went to the bulletin board with the names of the doctors listed and their room numbers. I entered the wrong clinic so the secretary pointed me out to the ophthalmologist's clinic next door. I found myself waiting for Dr. Capili's secretary to get there. She arrived at 9:30 am. I was there as early as 7:30. Bummer. I had my name listed. I was patient number 5. I went to the washroom and bought bottled water in the canteen before going back to the clinic. There were so many people waiting for doctors in the hallway. Some had to stand up because the seats were all filled. When my name got called, I entered the room and told the doctor about my woes. He checked my eyesight first because I told him that I wanted to wear eyeglasses then he looked at the lump. He told me he had to operate on it. The lump was a cyst. A chalazion caused by the inflammation of meibomian glands. I was shocked. I asked him when I need to have the operation and how much I had to spend. I went there alone and I only had three thousand bucks with me. He told me that it would cost 1, 500. I agreed to have it removed. He told me that we don't need to cover it with a patch and everything would be okay in minutes. He played soothing music and told me to lie down on the bed. He put two drops of this cool liquid that was supposed to numb my eyelids so I wouldn't feel too much pain. He put a clamp on my left eyelid and got ready for the operation. I could hear him moving near me preparing the apparatus and whatever he needed to remove the cyst. I placed my hands on my tummy and took a deep breath. I was thinking that it couldn't be worse than having my face injected because of acne. I felt so scared because I knew it would be painful. I felt him poke on my eyelid and scrape it. It took less than 10 minutes but it was frightening. I almost had the urge to hold the secretary's hand because she was standing near me. The doctor placed a thick ball of tissue on my eye after he instructed me to close it. I felt tears flowing from my eyes. I sat up but he told me to lie down for a few minutes. He removed the tissue and replaced it with another wad, he asked me to hold on to it and stand up. He asked me to look at my eye in the mirror. I saw that my eyelid was red but there was no lump. He said the cyst was spreading because my pores were clogged. I don't put on makeup so I was wondering if it was because of the powder. I saw blood on the tissue and I felt faint. I could hardly understand his instructions about putting antibiotics on my eye. I even forgot to get a medical certificate. I was broke when I left the clinic. I had a pair of eyeglasses made so that reading would be a lot easier. I'd get it in a few days. The pain was too much for me. It felt like somebody just poked my eye with a pencil and it hurt when I blinked. I almost bumped into an old woman in a wheelchair while walking down the hall. I went straight to the pharmacy but they didn't have the eyedrops there. I had to take the jeepney to the Mercury Drug branch in front of Waltermart. I thought of going home and asking Erwin to buy it for me but it was a waste of money and I was already broke. Thank heavens, I had enough left for the antibiotics, Tobramycin and a bag of Kornets.

I took this picture an hour before my minor operation. See my left eyelid? You won't notice the lump at all.

I asked Erwin to put antibiotics on my eye when I got home. I stayed home for two days lest it gets exposed to dust and gets infected. I just felt relieved because it was just a minor operation and my condition wasn't serious. All I have is excitement for my new eyeglasses. Haha!

2008-05-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

P-Day!

2008-05-27T20:18:00.000-07:00

A Little Drama in My Otherwise Boring Life

Things have been difficult lately. Not with my personal life but with work. I just can't discuss things here because I choose to always make the sensitive and complicated things in my life concealed from the public. Everything can be googled and you'll never know who's reading your blog.

Like what I've told my friends, I will rise to the challenge and survive in my current job. It's something I've always wanted to do. I will persevere until I gain enough experience and skills to sashay my way to where I deserve to be. I get what I want when I want. I read something from Oprah.com about making a list of things that you should be thankful for. Little things. Big things. It really doesn't matter. Anything that made you happy is worth being grateful for. It could be as simple as having a chocolate doughnut as a treat during lunch or as huge as getting the job you want. Like what Augy said last weekend when we were watching NBA players helping out some Hurricane Katrina survivors. Here we are complaining about every difficult thing in our lives when a lot of people have problems that look insurmountable compared to ours.

Things are not as bleak as what I see them to be. I just have to be more positive. I wouldn't be in this situation and I wouldn't be dealing with this type of person if I can't surpass it. Yes, it will make me stronger. It will teach me some valuable lessons too. It's like going through an obstacle course. When you're a minute away from running and jumping around, you see everything from where you're standing as exhausting and difficult. However, after huffing and puffing your way to the finish line, you realize that no matter how hard things look from the start, you can definitely conquer it. Your mind and body will work together as seamlessly and as gracefully as you can imagine. I expect to look back after a few months with a huge smile plastered on my face. Nobody can bring this bitch down!

My birthday's a few hours away! I can't believe that I'm turning 27. Time goes by really, really fast. That's why I'm enjoying every minute of it. Why bother worrying when you'll only have fine lines and wrinkles instead of results.

Ace will be flying from Hong Kong next month so I am definitely going to see her again. That means dinner with her, Kat and Abbie. I hope Gladz can join us. It will be twice the fun.

I am looking forward to having a late birthday celebration when my dad comes back from Quezon. By that time, we can go swimming with my cousins, Quincy and Jeof.

Quin will be studying in a big school next month. My aunt enrolled her in Roosevelt College. Let's see if she'll have the guts to bully some kids there. Kidding.

2008-05-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

A Weekend of Food, Rain and Shopping

For their introductory offer, Country Style sold doughnuts in the office's Coffee Lounge. Buy 1 Take 1! Lucky for me, I passed by the lounge on my way back to my station after my lunch break. The guy who was tasked to promote the cafe told me that they were offering free doughnuts until 7am! Since I won't meet Augy on that day, I decided to buy a dozen doughnuts to take home. I got a dozen free! I planned on buying a cake in Red Ribbon-Imus as a late mother's day present but I decided to just give my mom doughnuts. Two of my officemates were also buying doughnuts. I had only 5 minutes left before my break ends. Kathy was so nice to ask the guy to give me my doughnuts first. Aaaaawwww... I was so touched. I ran all the way from the lounge to our department. My teammates thought I had pizza with me. I told them about the free doughnuts for every purchase you get and they ended up running to the lounge to buy some.

When I got home, the sky was dark and the air was cool. Thank goodness, it didn't rain because I wouldn't be able to manage the umbrella while carrying the doughbut boxes. Gem ate two doughnuts for breakfast. Kit complained because he wanted Krispy Kreme doughnuts. The brat! He ate doughnut after doughnut.

Kit: Walang panama sa Krispy Kreme!

Me: Bakit ang dami mong kinain?

Kit: Tinikman ko lang isa-isa.

Yeah right. He ate a lot. By Monday, only two doughnuts were left.

***

On Sunday, I went shopping with my mom, lola and Gem. Gem would normally stay home on weekends but he had to go to the mall to have his haircut. My mom and lola went to Robinson's Place Imus ahead of us. I ended up buying two books from Book Sale before meeting up with them at the salon.

Since there were other customers, we decided to go to some boutiques first. I ended up leaving a shop with a bag containing four tops. Haha! I bought Gem and Kit a red Converse bag. I wanted to buy him a coat but all the ones he wanted didn't come in his size. Tsk tsk. We met up with my lola and mom after they went grocery-shopping. I bought Quincy two hair accessories from the Pinkbox.

Now, I'm broke! I can't wait for my payday!

2008-05-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

Sleepover

About two weeks ago, I met up with Augy in Market! Market! because we planned to go to the dentist for my checkup. BPI's ATMs were conking out for some reason and we had little cash with us. We had no choice but to hang out in Starbucks first while waiting for an atm to work. Augy's friend was there so I watched them talk while I sipped on my chocolate cream chip frappe and nibbled on my toffee butterscotch bar. After about an hour of waiting, Augy checked the machine and he was able to withdraw money. We then left for Glorietta where we had lunch with his mom. We walked to Gerry's in Parksquare where Tita waited. We found a table in the smoking area. Lunch consisted of garlic rice, sisig and spicy garlic chicken. After eating, we walked around the mall looking for shoes. We ended up in Cinderella where I bought a pair of black shoes for work. Augy's mom left to go back to work so Augy and I went to Powerbooks to buy two Kitty Go books and then we took a cab to the dentist's clinic in Manila.

Going to the dentist is not a walk in the park. It's a run through hell. I hate opening my mouth really wide, having it probed several times then enduring a half-hour cleaning session. Grrr... My dentist is such an OC with the way she cleaned every tooth in my mouth. I specially hate having to control my saliva which is impossible. A part of me prayed. Lord, don't let me drool like a dog. She asked me to get a panoramic xray so we can check my tooth which chipped. I have to get the xray done this week, get more fillings for my other teeth and consult about having braces placed on my teeth.

After my checkup, Augy and I went to the Great Eastern Hotel to book a room for the night. We had a room with twin beds. I lay down in bed for a few minutes while Augy fixed some stuff. We talked about buying food in McDonald's but decided in the end to go to Trinoma for some groceries. We dropped by Bread Talk where I wanted to buy everything that looked tasty but Augy set his foot down on two kinds of bread. We walked to Landmark where we bought water, ice cream and Pringles. I felt so tired since I haven't slept since the night before. We decided to go back to the hotel after withdrawing money. I went to the washroom while Augy looked for an ATM. We ended up taking a cab. I took a nap in my bed while Augy watched tv. He woke me up to tell me that he will get the pizza and hot wings that he had delivered to the hotel. Once he came back, we had dinner. I ate a lot. I completely disregarded the fact that I am gaining more weight. Shucks. After dinner, I slept some more and ate Pringles when I woke up. I read one of the books while nibbling on junk food. Augy was tuned to the NBA games. The night was spent sleeping, eating, reading, talking and watching tv. I felt so rested when I got home. It was nice lounging around and worrying about nothing but food.

2008-05-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

Sit Back and Relax

I had a nice weekend. I spent it lounging around, rolling around in bed, watching tv, stuffing myself with food and snoozing. Too bad I have no energy to really write today.

Brrrr...I'm cold

2008-04-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

Vacation Tales

I am back after so many days of not writing. It's a beautiful Sunday night. All my plans for the day didn't push through because Augy felt dizzy this morning and he had to go to the hospital for a checkup while I had a killer headache that had me stay in bed half the day. I also did not go to the fiesta in Gladz's town because I really felt sick. Who wants to travel when tormented by a throbbing pain in the head right? I ended up sleeping in the afternoon until my lola woke me up for dinner.

Gosh, if you only saw how much food I ate today. I heaped rice onto my plate then scooped lots of ginataang kalabasa and sitaw and a huge chunk of fish on top of it. I asked Erwin to buy half a gallon of Selecta's Double Dutch ice cream from a grocery in Salitran earlier. We feasted on that too. It was just for lunch! I completely forgot that I am supposed to lose weight. I just kept stuffing my mouth with food. For dinner, I ate the leftover ginataang kalabasa and sitaw, fish and sardines. I felt like my tummy was about to explode at any minute. I promise to watch my food intake and lose a little weight in time for my birthday though!

Let's get on with tales from my one-week vacation.

Day 4: Road Trip

Waking up before the sun rose was such a bummer. I love sleeping in and being awakened by the chirping of birds and the smell of dry leaves being burned. Only in the province can I enjoy that kind of smell and sound. In Cavite, I could hear tricycles revving up their engines and cars honking their horns in the main road or my neighbors tinkering in their own yard. Rarely would I hear birds chirping. My crazy neighbors' birds make weird sounds. They do not chirp. Hmp!

Today was the day that my parents, brothers and I would drive to San Jose, the province's capital to visit my uncle Rubio (one of my dad's older brothers) and his wife, Auntie Pacita. Their son, Kuya Warren (my favorite cousin by the way and my dad's favorite nephew undoubtedly) does not live in their house anymore when he comes home from one of his travels. Kuya lives in Maybato North with his wife, Ate Joy, his two sons, and Ate Joy's family. They have their own space in the family's compound. My uncle's house being spacious would surely look lonely and empty. When I was little, I remember staying there and seeing a lot of people coming in and out of the place. They have rooms near the kitchen that students and workers would rent for months. A motley of people. My Auntie Analyn used to stay there when she studied in Antique National School.

Knowing that my dad absolutely hates waiting, I woke up really early. I ate a yummy breakfast of suman. The suman there is different. Sweeter, stickier and tastier than the ones made in Cavite. Gem ate a lot to compensate for having to eat the ordinary-tasting suman back home. My Lola Andrea a.k.a Lola Nene would buy a bundle every morning to indulge us. We didn't run out of tuyo also. You can just imagine how much I ate in a single meal.

After breakfast, I went outside the house to walk and take in the solitude. Only the streetlamps were lit, the neighbors were still in bed and the streets were empty. I stood outside our gate for a long time to take in as much memories as I could from this vacation in order to survive the months until the next one.

Upon seeing the sun come up, I went back inside the house and took a bath. It was a chore to apply Veet on my legs. I stayed in an empty room in the second floor to apply it well. I roused my brothers from sleep after dressing up. They would not budge for a few minutes. I had to force them to wake up because my dad would surely get annoyed if we leave Valderrama really late. It took us a long time to dress up and prepare the stuff that we need to bring. I brought my white tote with me and I ended up carrying my brothers' stuff inside. I had my makeup kit, sunblock, Off lotion, phone, shawl and handkerchief already crammed inside. Nanay Mameng stayed home so only five of us went on another road trip.

The stones being used for construction

A vast riverbed

Favorite bridge (from there you could see the sea)

I could not take my eyes off the road because I remember passing by that long bridge outside of town numerous times when I was a little girl. We passed by so many bridges and roads that were being constructed. Progress really is creeping into the town of my childhood. The roads are well-paved and they made the travel go smoothly. There were some bumps here and there but our car did not rumble like the time when we drove through Mindoro. We breezed through towns that I used to remember in my head just to see how many we would pass from San Jose to Valderrama. It was a journey I enjoyed until now that I am all grown up. Imagine the joy I felt upon seeing familiar sights and the developments that happened to them. My dad pointed out the town where he used to live as a high school kid. He regaled us with stories of taking off his clothes and jumping into the river with his friends during lunch break. I gawked at a mansion by the side of the road. It was huge and imposing from where we were. My dad told me that it is owned by one of his high school buddies. Some of these friends made it big and back in high school, it didn't look like they will. Amazing isn't it?

Leaving the house with uncombed hair

This stuffed toy traveled so many miles with us

Looking sleepy

We passed by a bridge and the river where my dad and his friends used to swim. My dad told us that they used to swim below the bridge so that the people passing by would not see their naked forms. After swimming, they would dress up, get a transistor radio and listen to a radio broadcaster relate mysteries that abound in the island of Panay. He also pointed out the high school where he and his friends went to in Pangpang. We were chuckling at the image of our dad walking to and from school in his uniform. After a few minutes, I could not enjoy the stories anymore because I wanted to pee. I was controlling myself from going right there in my seat. My brothers were making fun of me and I was screaming in annoyance. We passed by Patnongon with its old school that looked beautiful by the road and Belison, one of my favorite towns. I love it for its beautiful, old trees lining the main road. I was not able to take in the idyllic sights because of my urge to go to the washroom. I was looking at road signs to find out how many kilometers we were away from San Jose. I could only breathe in relief when we got to my uncle's house. My dad parked near the house and out I ran controlling my bladder. The gate was open. It is still the same gate from 20 plus years ago. I called out my uncle's name and saw my aunt near the water pump washing clothes in her Sunday best. She did not recognize me at first. Kit followed right behind me and since she already saw Kit two days ago, she finally realized who I was. My uncle who suffered from a stroke a few years back just looked at me. My aunt had to tell him who I was before he could even take it in. I approached him and took his hand to make mano. I told my aunt that I need to pee. I got to the washroom just in time. I went out and told my aunt that we need to go to the market to buy stuff and we will go back for lunch. We did not want to disappoint her since she was excited to prepare meals for us. On the way to San Jose, my mom got a phone call from her. She asked us if our visit will push through because she will prepare lunch. After going to the washroom, we bade her goodbye with a promise that we will be back for lunch.

I went back inside the car and we drove on to the market in Dalipe where my parents looked for the jeepneys traveling to Valderrama. They had to talk to the driver so we could have them pick up a living room set that we need to bring home. Why? I wrecked one of the wooden seats in the porch when I stood up. My foot almost went through the wood. Am I that heavy?

While waiting for my parents, Kit went out of the car to look around. Gem and I were dying to have a Jollibee meal. We have been eating vegetables and fish for days that we were craving for something bought from a fastfood. San Jose does not have McDonald's yet. We were relying on getting to Jollibee but my dad set his foot down. He told us that Jollibee is too far from my uncle's house and we shouldn't waste time driving there.

Kit arrived carrying three fat ice candies. Short and fat mango and cheese ice candies that we sucked on. They were yummy! We wanted Kit to buy more but my parents came back and we had to move on to the furniture shop. My hands and mouth were sticky from the juice that dripped from the plastic. My brothers teased me because I ate like a kid. I was messy all over. You don't really expect a 26-year-old woman to eat like a little girl. When we got to the town plaza, my parents walked out to look for a furniture shop. I cajoled Gem to get the mineral water bottle and pour water on my hands. He tilted the water bottle a little so I could rinse then poured water all over my arms. I screamed because he spilled water inside the car. After wiping my hands and arms dry, I started tinkering with my phone and sending messages to friends. Kit stood outside in the shade. Gem and I stayed inside the car. It was sweltering hot! Kit was convincing us to stay outside under the trees because it was breezy. Gem and I did not budge. Kit followed my parents and crossed the street. We sat there lamenting our situation and looking around us. Gem saw a computer shop across the street and expressed his desire to go and surf the net. He suddenly grabbed my arm and shouted. There, behind the computer shop was the Jollibee store. We were so excited but nobody wants to venture outside and walk. Kit came back and we bribed him with 100 pesos to buy us food from Jollibee. I gave him 500 pesos with instructions to buy me large French fries. I don't care about the calories anymore. I just want fastfood. It took him a long time to come back with our food. He spent more than 300 pesos for three meals. Why? He said that the Jollibee store there only sold Champ burgers. No Yumburgers. He found it hard to talk to the cashier because he does not speak Kinaray-a. He imitated the girl repeating his orders. Even the manager spoke the dialect. Gem and I laughed at him. The girl told him, "Tatlo ka Coke, tatlo ka fries kag tatlo ka Champ". He just nodded. I teased him mercilessly. Baka naman sinabi lang na wala pang Yumburger. Matagal lutuin. Hindi mo naintindihan. Akala mo wala talagang Yum. He insisted that everyone ordered Champ. Oh well. I munched on my fries and burger. I completely forgot my diet. I haven't eaten burgers for a long time. Nevermind my diet because I was so famished at that time.

It was like an oasis in the middle of the desert

We were done with our food when my parents got back. We gave them the cups of Coke that we were unable to drink. We proceeded to my uncle and aunt's house for lunch. My tummy was set to explode if I ate more food. However, I had no choice but to eat because my aunt cooked chicken, laswa (vegetables) and rice for us. She bought bananas and banana cupcakes for us to eat. I wanted to puke my guts out but I didn't. I appreciate the efforts. They're the only immediate family members from my dad's side that I like. My ninang and some tenants also live with them. It's not a lonely house after all. I just remember it being a little more cheery when I was younger. My aunt told me that a neighbor approached her and asked about the woman who entered the house. Maganda daw ang mukha at katawan. She told him that it was a niece coming to visit. Sayang, hindi ko nakilala. Next time talaga ililibre kita sa Jollibee.

After an hour or two of stories and jokes, we decided to visit Ate Joy and my nephews, Kyle and Troy. I saw Hope, Ate Joy's younger sister getting out of the house and boarding a tricycle. She looks a lot like Ate Joy that I thought she was Ate Joy!

Ate Joy went out of the house to welcome us. Kyle was playing in a neighbor's house while Troy was taking a nap. Ate Joy's dad took one of the motorcycles to pick Kyle up. I gushed at how big and handsome my nephew is. Siyempre guwapo naman kasi talaga si Kuya Warren. He got his Hispanic features from Auntie Pacita. He used to tease me about my ugly-looking nose. It used to be flat but miraculously improved through the years. Ate Joy went to their room to wake Troy up from his nap. She called me to enter the room. Kyle was in an aboy-aboy (that's what they call an improvised hammock in Bisaya). It was a patadyong tied with a sturdy rope and fastened to a metal hook in the ceiling. With Troy's weight, they really have to make it sturdy. He is sooo chubby. He didn't want to leave the airconditioned room. Ate Joy was cajoling him to come and meet my brothers. A cd of nursery rhymes played the entire time he was sleeping and he complained when the music stopped. His lola, Ate Joy's mom told him that the entire cd finished playing. He finally left the room after about 15 minutes. I swear, he walks like a duck. He waddled from the bedroom to the living room. We were so amused at his antics. While Ate Joy was not looking, he bumped into a large vase and I held my breath as I waited for it to drop and break into pieces. It swayed for a few seconds until it stopped. Naughty kid. We spent a long time looking at their photos and leafing through Kyle's yearbook. Auntie Pacita borrowed it to show to my uncle. After saying our goodbyes, Ate Joy followed us to the gate. Troy thought that she will come with us and he started crying. Ate Joy informed me through text that it took a long time for him to cease wailing.

We stopped by another shop so that my parents could buy some stuff before dropping off Auntie Pacita in their house. We bade my uncle and my ninang goodbye. She held my hand as we walked out to the gate. She's wrinkled and old now. It made me realize how time flies fast.

We stopped by one of the two Mercury Drug branches so that my mom could buy medicines for my lolo before filling up the car with gas in a gas station across the street. I went out to pee for the last time before going back to Valderrama. By the time we left San Jose, it was already starting to get dark. We passed by my dad's old school again. He told us that by that time, he would be walking to the bukid to work before going home. Wow! Talk about flexing your muscles at an early age.

We drove slowly once we got to the road and bridges going to Valderrama. I was sitting beside the window as usual looking out when I pointed excitedly at a dark object near a railing leading to a bridge. I thought it was just a plastic bag caught on one of the railings when it ruffled its feathers and opened its wings. I exclaimed in my usual excited, overly annoying voice, " Eagle o!". Gem looked out the window and shouted with glee. I told my parents that we saw an eagle or lawin by the side of the road. Gem and I craned our necks to get a better view but it flew away because we didn't see it anymore.

When we got home, it was already at past seven in the evening. I went up to the room to dump my bag on the bed and went to the porch where my parents were sitting with my Lola Nene. They were talking in hushed voices. My lola asked me what I saw. I told her I saw a huge bird perched on a railing by the side of the road. Where did it go? Did it fly away? Well, it just disappeared. Gem and I could only look at each other in wonder. She told me it was impossible. I realized that I never saw an eagle or a lawin in the province even when I was younger. She told me it was something else. It was the usual thing of the night that people from Manila would always talk about with fright when they hear me say where I came from. She told me it was a creature that would transform at night and would grab at your hair if you leave the car windows open. I shuddered at the thought. I didn't ask her for details because I know what it is. My lola told me that things like that abound in that area. My mom said that when she was younger, a doctor from our town drove through one day in his owner-type jeep and he was found dead in that same spot. The jeep jumped right into a deep ravine located there in the middle of the day. It was lunch time when he died. They still associate that place to the incident and until now, they have no explanation on why his jeep ended up going down. I do not want to know at all.

2008-04-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

Two Reasons To Be Fit!

On Tuesday morning, Kat and I went to the HCD office to get our IDs. Ivan a.k.a Father (he graduated from the San Carlos Seminary) was nowhere in sight. We were supposed to meet him there. After a few minutes, he barged into the room with a huge grin on his face.

"Hinahanap ko kayo. Tinanong ko sa guard kung may nakita siyang dalawang babae. Sabi niya may nakita siya isang naka-pink at isang naka-black. Yung isa daw kamukha ni Joyce Jimenez."

Now that guard deserves a sumptuous lunch from moi!

In the afternoon, my phone beeped. In came a message from Iryn telling me that she was amazed upon seeing a billboard in Ayala. She thought the girl looked like me.

the pictures Iryn sent me

Now that's a sweet friend.

After the compliments, shouldn't I be working out now? After all, those girls are sexy while I am gaining weight by the minute.

One modeled for Maxim magazine and the other one for FHM. Should I wait until I get asked to model for Pigrolac? Uh-oh.

2008-04-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

Day 3: To The Farm

I woke up to birds chirping and the light coming from the windows. I've never had that much sleep until my second day in Antique. I felt rested to think that I only get a maximum of five hours of snooze back home. That's what I love about being in Antique. No stress. Peace and quiet all around me. I never seem to have problems when I'm there and that's what I pine for when I'm back in Cavite.

It was just 6:00 am. I went down to the dining room and had a breakfast of fried rice and sapsap. My absolute favorite. I had oatmeal the day before in the hopes of starting with my diet but I chose to ditch my plan. Why not indulge for a week?

After filling my stomach with food, I found out from my mom that we will go to the farm. I just washed my face and combed my hair. I decided not to take a bath first because I was so sure that my hair and feet will just get caked with dust. I heard my family greet somebody while I was in the second floor. When I got down from the room, I saw Kuya Ray. He's our second cousin and he used to live with us in Cavite. He stayed in the house we rented in a nearby village and he would drive me to the hospital for my checkups when I had vertigo, blood test for my derma treatments and to Salitran so I could wait for the bus to Manila. I let out a scream and rushed to hug him. Gem and Kit went down and greeted him also. My dad told us that we will take the car to the farm and Kuya Ray and my lolo Domingo will follow in Kuya’s motorcycle.

On the way to the farm, my mom saw a relative standing outside their house. We halted for a while so they could talk. Then we drove off to the outskirts of town. I was completely taken by surprise because the road may not be cemented but at least it's now possible for vehicles to pass without getting stuck in mud and potholes. The last time I went there, we had to walk for more than an hour and my feet ached when we got to the house. My toes also looked dry from the dust and no amount of lotion I lathered on removed the flaky look. I was glad that we could take the car though it robbed me of the joy of walking along the road. I loved walking and being able to stop and dip my feet into the irrigation canal. I also enjoyed looking around me and imagining how people hid in the mountains from the Japanese during the war. My lola regaled me with her stories about the old days and my imagination just took off from there. When you only have one doll for a toy, you’d make use of your imagination. No regrets though. I had such a happy childhood.

As my dad drove on, I wistfully looked out the window. Everything looks just the same except for the accessible road. I clapped in delight when I saw a dry riverbed. I remember crossing it so many times when there was running water. It was simply delightful to see the water rushing past and splashing my feet while walking. Kit was disappointed because he really wanted to swim in the river just like the first time they went to Antique. I was contented with staring at the scenery I missed for so many years.

Walking to our house

In just 15 minutes, we were in Kuya's house by the road. Our house was a stone's throw away. My dad parked the car inside their yard and we walked to our house. It now has a decent toilet not like the last time when I had to take a bath outside covered with a patadyong or tapis. It was okay because nobody was in sight except for some houses dotting the fields. The barrio where Kuya's family lives is a few minute's walk from there. I squinted my eyes to look at the spot where our house used to be. It used to be bigger and was standing beside a stream where people would occasionally walk through. The original farm house however was built on a higher spot from the second location. I was able to go there a few times when my Auntie Analyn climbed a lumboy or duhat tree so we could eat its fruits. My Nanay Mameng pointed out the spot to me and we found a coin stuck on the ground and a few things that were left when they moved.

Tobacco plants in abundance

In the dry riverbed beside the house

We took a few pictures and spoke to the old woman who was looking after the house with her son and two grandsons while my grandfathers were away. Since several robberies occurred in the area, my grandfathers opted to sleep in town leaving the carabao to the old woman and her son. However, my lolo Domingo decided to leave the carabao with Kuya Ray's dad in the barrio where a lot of people live. It was a lot safer that way because the night before, somebody from outside the yard threw a stone into the roof. The old woman turned the lights on to reveal that somebody was inside the dwelling. She wanted to fire a shot from a gun that my lolo left but it has only one bullet and she was scared that they may fire shots into the house and they would have no ammunition to fight back.

Ten years ago, my parents and I stayed in the farm with my grandparents for a week. We enjoyed the tranquility. Every night after eating dinner, we would sit outside and look out into the fields or stare at the starry sky. Once, everything was so quiet and I felt so far away from civilization until a plane passed by noisily. It made me realize that I wasn't out of touch after all. In the afternoon, I would stay inside the house and listen to the drama shows broadcasted in the local radio stations. It bored me to death sometimes, but I was used to it so I didn’t really have a miserable time.

I wanted to sleep at least once in the farm but my parents found it dangerous so we had to go back to town. My lolo asked me if I wanted to take a bath since the water there was abundant. In town, we had to store water because the tap flows only about four times a day. Sometimes only for an hour before it stops so when the water flows, we rush to the bathroom to take our baths.

I wanted to visit the old location of our house but it was scorching hot and a bit far from where the current location is. I could see it from the doorway but could only look at it longingly. I had the best memories there. I used to take a bath in the stream, climb trees, and play in the yard. That's where our pet monkey pulled my hair too. A distant memory that never fails to make me smile and tear up at the same time.

Gem and I with the fields right behind us

We went back to Kuya's house where we sat in the papag they placed in the yard. There were trees lining the yard and the shade made it possible for us not to bake while we were lounging around. I entertained myself by throwing dry leaves into the irrigation canal and watching them float away. My dad asked Kuya Ray to buy alcohol and peanuts in the barrio. Kit rode the motorcycle with him and went back with stories about how huge Kuya's dog was. Much bigger than the one that chased us in Lemery. My dad, Kuya Ray and his dad drunk brandy while Kuya's younger brother climbed up a coconut tree to get coconuts for us. I enjoyed sipping the cool coconut juice that I poured into a small glass while the others engaged in an animated conversation about things that happened in the past. When I felt bored, I went inside the car and read the newspaper that my parents bought in San Jose the day before. After about two hours, we drove back into town for lunch. We had to attend to my lolo Cresencio's needs also. He had to be fed by lunch and given his medication.

Just like a kid

The rest of the afternoon was spent sleeping in our room and texting friends. I felt relaxed and happy all throughout. I missed Augy though because he was sad about my going home. Happy that my prayer was granted but sad because of the distance.

2008-03-31T21:42:00.000-07:00

Three Provinces in One Week

When you believe that you can get something, when you believe that things will go your way, it miraculously does.

The last two weeks have been a joy to me. So many things have happened though I was just too busy to blog about them.

I got really depressed when I found out that I would start work on March 17. I met Augy on the 14th so we could renew our NBI clearance. I dropped by my former office to inquire about my certificate of employment and backpay before proceeding to Glorietta to wait for him. It took us less than seven minutes to have the clearance processed after which we went to North Park to have lunch. I was down in the dumps. I looked like I was going to a funeral. Augy was trying to cheer me up but I ended up teary-eyed. He asked me to call the HR personnel and request if I could postpone my training so I could go to the province. Thankfully, Mina told me that she will talk to the manager and contact me at 7:00. I was jittery since my family was ready to leave the next day. Augy also called his former teammate who is now a Senior Training Officer there to ask if he could help me. He promised to talk to the manager regarding my problem.

At past 7:00, Mina called me with the good news that my training has been postponed and she would just contact me for the next schedule. I smiled from ear to ear and I hugged Augy real tight. I couldn't believe that God has answered my prayer. It was the most beautiful thing that has happened to me this month and it wouldn't have been possible if not for the people who have gone out of their way to help me and of course, God who has never failed to answer my prayers, may they be simple or plain absurd. What is absurd or impossible to him right? Nothing. He listens and He answers every prayer at the right time.

I hurried home, looked through my cabinet and closet for the clothes I would bring to the province, took a big bag from my parents' room and stuffed my things inside. I was ready to go. The next day, the only thing I needed to do was prepare the beauty products and toiletries I would bring to my trip since we would leave for the Port of Batangas late at night. I woke up really early and I wasn't able to even take a nap because of the sheer excitement. I felt like jumping up and down with pure joy.

Day 1: Tiring Road Trip

I spent the whole day lounging on the sofa, eating and texting friends. I was really excited about going to Antique after ten years. The best thing is going with my whole family. Gem was in school for his last exam and orientation for his summer duties in the ER. My parents and lola were busy packing and buying food that we will eat for our road trip.

When evening came, I took a bath and checked my stuff before watching television. Erwin cooked adobo and spaghetti for our trip. The kitchen was full of used utensils and dirty plates. Ching, the mother of our farm's caretaker arrived to stay in our house with Erwin while we were away. My dad took our bags and stuffed them into the trunk. We brought so many things that we had to load some of them inside the car with us. The packs of underpads for my lolo were placed in the backseat window where they wouldn't make sitting uncomfortable. Before 10:00, we left the house and stopped by the vulcanizing shop outside the village to have the wheels checked. When we got to Silang, I texted Gladz to inform her that I was going to the province. She invited me to hang out in Tagaytay if I wouldn't make it with my family. I missed my best friend and the many times I spent in Amadeo and Tagaytay though I was happy to go on the trip. We turned the aircon on and drove on to Lemery, Batangas. When we got there, we found dogs prowling outside the houses by the road. One large dog, ran barking beside our car. It even managed to cross the street in front of us and bark alongside our car. Even if we were inside the car, I got scared. I was only able to relax when it grew tired of chasing after the car.

We arrived in the Port of Batangas before 12:00 am. My dad asked the guard if there was a roro available to take us to Calapan. The guard said there was still space in the roro leaving at 12:00 for our car. My dad asked us to get out of the car while he maneuvered it onboard the roro. My brothers, lola and I looked for seats on the top floor. My mom told us to stay in the airconditioned room. More people came in as we settled on our seats. My dad, mom and Kit slept while Gem and I bought food from the canteen. They only sold noodles, bread, chips, C2 and softdrinks. I ate noodles to ease the hunger pangs before I get a decent meal.

We arrived in Calapan after about two hours. Gem and I took pictures when we got off the roro before boarding the car. I greeted him a happy birthday. Imagine celebrating your birthday on the road. I fell asleep and woke up after experiencing a few bumps. The roads in Mindoro are horrible. You can’t imagine that the vice-president of this country came from that province with the numerous potholes and rough roads we had to endure to get to our farm in Gloria. My aunt was calling me but I didn't hear my phone ringing until after a few minutes. I took my phone from inside my bag and saw a call from a private number. That normally means that somebody was calling from overseas. After a few minutes, my mom's phone rang. My aunt called her. We told her where we were. I found out we were in Socorro. It was drizzling and the car had to inch slowly because of the holes we had to avoid. My aunt who had her duty in UST also texted to ask for our location before we got to the farm.

We left our car by the side of the road and walked through wild grass and coconut trees to get to a bridge leading to the farm. I wanted to carry a piglet but it was dirty and I didn’t want to soil my clothes. We ate our spaghetti, rice and adobo there before leaving for the Port of Roxas. We got there at 9:00 am. My parents and Kit went out of the car to ask for the next roro leaving for Caticlan, Aklan. Gem followed them and returned telling me to get out of the car, lug some of our stuff because we will be leaving the port at 7:00 pm. I went out of the car in protest. I was thinking that it was a joke. My mom told me that a roro cancelled a trip and we could only get into the 7:00 pm trip. We stayed in the second floor canteen where we took naps, ate our meals, took pictures and watched the Pacquiao-Marquez match.

hanging out at the canteen

At last, they're here!

By 5:00 pm, we saw three ships arriving. One of them was the one leaving at 7:00 pm. Vehicles were waiting in line for hours. Our car was by the end of the line. My parents prepared our tickets and stood outside the car. Vendors were hawking garlic and balot at the passengers who were waiting to board the ships. We watched as buses came out of one of the ferries. Ceres, Dimple Star and Gasat liners drove off with their passengers who were bound for Cubao and Pasay. A Dimple Star bus was waiting to board the ship with us. I was excited because the passengers were also going to Antique. It took us until 8:30 to leave and because of that my dad was able to befriend several people. A man who was driving in a CRV alone to Negros and a couple who was going on vacation to the same province.

My brothers and I were able to snag a comfortable space in the airconditioned lounge. Kit settled with his pillow in a corner by the window while my dad slept on a couch opposite him. Gem and I stayed in the balcony for a few minutes just staring at the stars in the sky and the waves roaring below us. We could only see water all around us and the Port of Roxas from a distance. Gem, my lola and mom slept while I sat up beside Kit waiting for my turn to charge my phone. When I felt really sleepy, I leaned on Kit and just closed my eyes. I woke up an hour before getting to Caticlan. I went to the balcony where my dad was chatting with a guy who was on his way to Boracay with family and friends. After a few minutes, we saw an island with so many bright lights. Just the sight of a strip with lights on it and we knew that it was Boracay.

Day 2: I'm Home!

After going to the washroom, preparing our stuff and saying goodbye to the couple who were going to Negros, we boarded our car and drove out of the port. The gas station outside was closed. My dad told us that we had enough fuel to get us to Antique. We drove off into the darkness. The drive was slow because our trunk was stuffed with so many things. We saw some vehicles from the roro pass us by in a hurry to get to their own destinations. We were delayed for so many hours. If the roro didn't cancel the 10:00 am departure the day before, we would have been in Valderrama, Antique by 7:00 pm. We arrived in Caticlan at past 2:00 am. I fell asleep between my lola and Gem with my heavy bag on my lap. I woke up occasionally to my parents' voices wondering where we could find an open gas station.

The next time I opened my eyes, we were in a town. I found out from my parents that we were in Culasi, Antique. My dad stopped by an open carinderia where he saw a man selling coffee, Milo and milk. He decided to drink a cup of coffee while I went to the toilet to pee. We spent a few minutes there chatting with the man. The streets were empty except for a bus and a van parked on opposite ends of the main street. After asking about a gas station, we drove off. We passed by gas stations which were closed. We saw a woman waiting for a bus by the side of the road. My mom asked about an open gas station again and she pointed out one that would be open for 24 hours. Thankfully, we found it before running out of gas. After an hour of driving, we stopped by the side of the road because my mom and lola wanted to pee. Using a patadyong, they managed to do it in the dark. I was laughing because when my lola was peeing, a bus drove by quickly. I was the last to pee on the grass before continuing on our journey.

The roads going to Valderrama are better than the ones in Mindoro. Way better. I can't help but be proud of my small town's progress. We saw a part of the road that was being constructed. We were in Ilaures by then just outside of our town. My mom asked two guys on a motorcycle for instructions. Due to a misunderstanding, we passed by a makeshift bridge leading to the river. It's a large river with some parts dry and some parts with water. My dad got upset because he wanted to take another path which looked like the right one leading to town. We had to go back to get to that road. It was the right one after all. We couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of jumping into the river.

By daylight, we saw a sign saying 'Welcome to Valderrama, Antique'. I was feeling excited at seeing familiar sights. My mom pointed out her high school, St. Luke's Academy to my brothers. We stopped when my mom saw some relatives walking by the side of the road. At past 6:00 am, we turned into our street and saw my grandmothers walking out of the gate. Some relatives came out of their houses to greet us. My lola went inside the house to greet my lolo who suffered from a stroke last month. We ended up crying. My lolo cried when he heard our voices. I sat beside him and said, 'Lolo, si Pempem 'to'.

We spent the morning seeing relatives and catching up with each other. I ate breakfast and took a bath. Can you imagine that I endured a day in Mindoro and Aklan without a cold bath? My brothers and I went to one of the bedrooms in the second floor where we placed our stuff. After eating breakfast and taking baths, my parents and Lolo Domingo took my sick lolo to San Jose for his checkup. Kit went with them because he wanted to see our cousin, Kuya Warren. Gem and I spent our time sleeping and texting.

At 1:00 pm, my parents, grandfathers and Kit arrived from San Jose. It was raining and they couldn't carry my lolo out of the car. You see, he can't talk and he can't move half of his body. I was shocked when I saw him because he looked so helpless. He lost a lot of weight. When the rain stopped, they carried him into the house where he was fed oatmeal and given his medicine.

Kit told me that Kuya Warren already left for Manila. He was set to leave for Italy to board his ship. Too bad.

I'm home!

We spent the rest of the day sharing stories, seeing some more relatives and resting. I never felt so happy. I couldn't believe that I was in our house in Antique. I miss Augy and my friends but it was nice being away from the noise and pollution in Manila. I didn't even miss Friendster or my favorite tv shows. I was home after all.

2008-02-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

The Ties That Bind

Early this month, my aunt Imelda who resides and works in Palau with her husband, her son and our other relatives decided to go through a medical checkup in Manila because of a cough that just wouldn't go away. To her shock, her OB-Gyne in UST informed her that she has a suspicious lump near her breast that could be malignant. It was a routine checkup that left her in tears. She went to another doctor for a second opinion and was given the same answer. We were flabbergasted because it wasn't even the reason why she went here in the first place. She decided to undergo an operation. Thankfully, the lump was not malignant. Hurray!

A few days after she went under the knife, my parents picked her and her son, EJ up from my aunt Analyn's house in Montalban. We asked her to stay with us for the weekend so she could rest since having Quincy and Jeof wouldn't give her the peace and quiet she needs. Quin, the naughty kid that she is would pick on EJ when she feels like it.

I woke up on Saturday afternoon because of my lola's gentle prodding. I was surprised to find her and EJ looking at me. I had to get up and greet my aunt. She told me that Jeof bit EJ twice on each arm. Poor kid. He is really well-behaved. We enjoyed every moment with him because he would smile a lot and he would listen to what we would tell him. It was a great bonding moment for all of us.

The next day, while we were in the dining room talking, my aunt's cellphone rang. I was surprised when I heard that it was my aunt Analyn on the other line. My aunt told her younger sister to stop crying because she couldn't understand a word she was saying. She told her that my mom will call her using our landline. My mom dialed my aunt's number and gave the phone receiver to my aunt Imelda. I heard her say something about my lolo. My eyes were brimming with tears because I was anticipating something horrible. It was the first time that my aunt called us crying. Nanay Mameng, my lolo's younger sister was already sobbing. I went to the kitchen and dried my eyes. I had to get away to stop the tears from flowing. I heard my aunt tell the rest of the family that my lolo suffered a stroke the night before and was rushed to the local hospital early that morning. It was a shock to all of us.

She decided to pack her and EJ's stuff and go back to Montalban so they could travel to Antique with my aunt Analyn the next day. My dad was all packed and ready to leave for Pangasinan on that day. My mom told my dad to go home in four days time in case my lolo's condition worsens. They would take a flight to Iloilo and travel by land to Antique. My mom called my lola's cellphone number and asked my cousin to bring the phone to the doctor who was looking after my lolo so she could get an idea on his real condition. He was feverish at that time and could no longer talk. He could not move the right half of his body. My mom told us that my lolo will be transferred to the provincial hospital in San Jose (the province's capital) since the medicine in the local hospital was not sufficient. In a few hours, we were able to confirm with my uncle's wife that they were in the emergency room in the provincial hospital. My mom spent an hour looking for an available cardiologist who would check into my lolo's condition. Our relative who is a doctor himself was already assigned to another hospital and we didn't know his number so my mom couldn't get a recommendation from him. Good thing, we found a cardiologist who would look after him. We're talking about a province in Panay Island. So you can understand our anxiety.

Yesterday, my lolo was brought to Iloilo for a CT Scan. Fortunately, no blood clots were found. He is conscious and responds to family members when spoken to. My uncle's wife was crying when my lola spoke to her on the phone. She said my lolo would cry a lot. Writing this makes me cry too. I haven't seen my lolo for a few years now. I think the last time was during my aunt Analyn's wedding about seven years ago.

My aunt Imelda told us the night before we found out about the sad news that my lolo would become teary-eyed when he sees my brothers.

"Ang laki mo na (referring to Kit). Maluluha lolo mo pag nakita ka."

The first and last time my brothers went to Antique was 13 years ago. Gem was just learning how to read then. I just graduated from the sixth grade and we all went home for a one-week vacation. The last time I visited my grandparents was 10 years ago. We were planning to go home this year with my aunt Imelda, EJ, my aunt Analyn and her family. Our plans went awry because of my aunt Imelda's operation and my lolo's condition. My two aunts are in Antique now.

How did this affect me? I'm waiting for my start date in another company. I have to contact the HR personnel and ask for my start date because I need to go home to Antique with my whole family next month. I have to beg them to move it if it concides with my departure. We will be there for the Holy Week since that will be the only time that our schedules would allow us to go together. Yes, I will be a bum. My family's all for it because we are desperate to go home. I can always find another job but I not another lolo. I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown real soon. All this worrying makes my head ache. I hope everything turns out well. For now, we are thankful that my lolo's condition is stable and hopefully all we need to worry about in the future are medicines and therapy.

***

I'm starting to cough. No phlegm, just this itchy feeling in my throat. When I cough, the pain sears my chest. I am allergic to dust. Cement kills me slowly. When I was in first year college and a part of our house was under construction, I was exposed to cement every afternoon when I come home from school. One day, I started coughing and wheezing. I had to call my mom so she could buy me a bottle of Ventolin. Later that night, I was burning with fever. I was sick for a week. The problem I have now is the bridge near our village which is under construction. I have to cross the river through a temporary bridge every night and I have to endure the dust. I hope I survive a few months of hell.

2008-02-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

Horror

This morning, I saw a woman hanging lifeless from the branch of a tree in an abandoned lot in Imus. She looked like a child's rag doll swinging as the wind blew. I want to write about it but I still feel shaken by what I saw.

2008-02-18T02:31:00.000-08:00

The Good and The Bad

After finding out that I passed the final interview for a job that would take me closer to home, my parents encouraged me to go back to school. I am glad that they believe in my abilities and they fully support me in my endeavors. If I was not able to do it 5 years ago, I will not let anybody stop me now. I am determined to fulfill my childhood dream and make my parents proud. I am excited about studying again (clasping hands with glee). I will take a few units first to test the waters. Sigh, what a beautiful year this is.

Since I'll be reaching out for my dream, I've been pushing Abbie to write. I promised her that I would help, even going to the restos with her and bringing Augy along. It's time that she writes. She really writes well and I want her to finally kick ass.

***

Amidst the hullabaloo that is happening in my village, my family has remained oblivious to everything. A petition against my weird neighbor a.k.a my dad's mortal enemy is being distributed around. With all the wrongdoings, I guess one will get his fair share of bad karma. We just chuckled about it and went back to our daily lives. Funny how they might think that my dad is one of the complainants' advisers when he's really having the time of his life in Infanta, Quezon for a week now. My family has always been scrutinized and criticized in this street full of social climbers and posers. We have remained quiet in the middle of all the gossips.

One thing I learned from my parents is putting great value on a good name. We're not into comparing ourselves with our neighbors like how many vehicles we have or how big our house is. We do not intend to live flashy lives or to compete with others. I've always competed with myself and nobody else. I've learned before that envy does a person more bad than good. I'd rather work my ass off to reach my dreams than spend a lifetime putting people down. My family used to get involved in verbal skirmishes with my next-door neighbors after they concocted evil plans against us, made fun of us and told lies about us. (If you're reading this Kat, it's the same family who placed sacks filled with sand to divide our side of the street from theirs like we were in a war zone). We're so over that now. I guess we also frightened them after we sent the barangay captain a letter asking for their affidavit in light of a case we plan to file against that vicious woman. My dad has grown tired of arguing with them. We just let them be (not unless that old bat screams at my dad or lola again) like how we simply watch and simmer over the ZTE scandal hearings. The world is full of evil judging by the presence of a good liar like Abalos. He reminds me so much of my neighbors since they hold positions in our homeowner's association. Grabe, pag sobra talaga ang greed ng isang tao. Kakalimutan ang lahat kahit dangal basta makakuha ng maraming pera. I am glad though that there are still people like Jun Lozada who in the end would prefer to tell the truth and keep the last few shreds of dignity that he has. I am glad as well that I have parents who believe that it is more important to be humble, kind, honest and generous than to be rich. You live your life similar to how your parents lived theirs, pruning the bad experiences and mistakes to lead a better life. I am blessed to have been taught that having self-respect is more important than driving a luxury car or having a huge house. I can always keep my head up high while walking down the street because I know that my parents have never been 'jumpers'. A term we have coined for our evil neighbors who got caught by Meralco stealing electricity a few months after they got off a complaint we filed after the man of the house threatened to shoot me, my brothers, and our houseboy. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord. Sometimes, we still talk about how our neighbors tormented us over an abundant dinner of seafoods and vegetables. I am proud to belong in this family. A few years from now, I will make my parents proud to have me for a daughter as well.

2008-02-10T01:45:00.000-08:00

When Growing Up Is Fun

If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted - there is practically nothing she can't do. - Helen Lawrenson

I know I've grown up when I worry less and I appreciate things more. This is the best year ever. It's just the second month but I can feel it in my bones. Good things are right in my path just ripe and ready for me to pluck. Now, I know that being patient and being determined can bring you places.

I've always felt that I was not pushing myself to the limit when it comes to my talents or my abilities. I've always had this thing about not being the center of attention. I choose to shy away from compliments and when I was already working, responsibilities. I realized that I should stop from thinking that I can't do as well as some people. It is sometimes frustrating when you see some people who act like they know everything and they should be praised for every little task like nobody else could do it better. When in fact, the person right behind him or her can do it a hundred times better without thinking of the bragging rights he or she could get from it. Well, I am the opposite. I am scared of trying things out and doing things my way for fear that I will get criticized. But what is there to fear when you're young and you have the world opening its arms to you. I guess it's time for me to step up and show people that I am no bimbo. I am brimming with excitement. I feel like my spirit is jumping up and down, doing cartwheels while my body is sitting up straight in front of the computer. I used to be scared about making mistakes and getting laughed at. Not anymore. I will make mistakes and learn from them. I will let people laugh but bounce back higher than anybody else could. Someday, Pearl will be a much better person. When that time comes, I will have the last laugh.

***

they melted on the way home!

Augy and I had a fight a few days ago. It lasted for about three days. He dropped by my office to give me a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A making up present. Wasn't that sweet? I am thankful to have him. He always considers my feelings and always listens to what I have to say (including the curses). We're growing together (not in size okay?) and learning things together. I am glad that we're more mature now. We talk a lot about every little thing that irks us and we spend a little of everyday chatting about mundane things. I've realized that communication is really important in a relationship. You shouldn't just talk about the really big, monumental events in your life. You also share stories and anecdotes that you had on a particular day. I love it when Augy and I laugh over the phone. I love it when I'm preparing for bed, snuggling under my blanket and then he calls to share a joke or two. It just makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Yes, our relationship doesn't have that kilig factor anymore but as Erika said you know that you love somebody when you can't imagine a day without him. You can't think of an instance when you don't want to patch things up because you know deep inside that you simply cannot let go of that person. That person is an important part of your life. You may not feel kilig when you see him but just thinking of him (even when he's not around) makes you feel happy. And that came from Erika. Can you imagine that?! Haha!

***

waiting for Augy

ready to munch on lunch

2008-02-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

Two-hour Reunion

How could you put into words the happiness that you feel after spending time with close friends? You simply can't. You just stare at the pictures and relive every moment. Two hours with three of my college buddies are not enough. Our dinner was punctuated with roaring laughter and juicy updates about old classmates and acquaintances. Things have changed in terms of how big we've grown in five years. Ace has a family of her own and is based in Hong Kong. She's the reason why we suddenly met up yesterday when it was scheduled for next month. She has to renew her visa so she has to leave for HK next week. Kat and I have different career paths to follow and Abbie still dreams of going on a date with Cyrus Baguio. Ace gave her an old classmate's contact number so she could write about restos for his newspaper section. I heard my name being mentioned. I'm supposed to be on a diet but if Abbie takes me on a food trip, I won't say no. Hehe! I'm still not keen on writing. Kat was suggesting that I moonlight but I'm not up to it for now. I brought Augy with me and when we left after dinner, he felt bad because he was enjoying his time.

We had a grand time playing pranks on Kat and Ace. Latecomers until now, they arrived more than an hour after the proposed time of the meeting. Abbie, Augy and I sat near Starbucks in Greenbelt 3. We were partially covered by some bushes and when we saw Kat pacing in front of the coffee shop, Augy called her and said that we were in Starbucks in Serendra. We could hear Kat's voice increase a pitch. Abbie described it as her whiny voice. Haha! We did the same thing to Ace. She almost went crazy thinking about all the messages we sent her about our meeting place. Nothing has changed in terms of being late huh?!

waiting for Kat and Ace

Kat and Ace (with her funny expression)

Abbie said she missed my hips!

we ordered more than we could eat in Ebun

*special thanks to Augy for the pictures

2008-01-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

You're Just Too Good To Be True

I was my usual bitchy, tense self a few days ago. I spent an hour after shift listening to a senior agent drone on and on about updates for the program. I was so annoyed at his nervous gestures while speaking in front of us. He kept tapping on the screen and keyboard. I wanted to give him pointers on how to train people. His eyes flitted here and there. No eye contact from the guy. To top it all off, my head was pounding. Lack of sleep gives me headaches and I was sure it would worsen when I leave the building. I hate walking under the heat of the sun. I hate the prickly feeling on my skin. The fact that I was not into the training/meeting greatly added to my anxiety. After taking the quiz and getting a perfect score, I hurriedly left with Erika expecting to be stuck in Coastal Road for the counterflow.

Imagine my surprise when I boarded an almost empty bus to Dasma and found out that the counterflow stopped an hour ago. Off to Coastal Road we go and I listened to Rhea Santos' voice announcing the day's news on Unang Hirit. Then she said the words that left my mouth hanging open. Iniimbestigahan ng pulisya ang pagkamatay ng bida ng Brokeback Mountain na si Heath Ledger.

My heart stopped for a second there and I found mysef sending messages to friends.

omg, heath ledger died. waaaahhh!

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain. Not because I don't like the film, but because I simply do not have time to go out and watch movies. I bought a cd of 10 Things I Hate About You years ago and I have seen Heath Ledger serenade Julia Stiles with 'Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You' a hundred times. Well, not really a hundred, but just enough to fall in love with him from the time he started singing, swinging down the pole and dancing right out there in the open field. I loved him. His curly hair, his Australian accent and his light, easy smile. I saw him in The Patriot too. Two films. But I didn't forget him. I have foreign actors I like. I don't fall head over heels in love with them, dream of them or wish to see them personally even. I just adore them from a distance if that's what you can call watching their shows and films on television.

I lapped up every article in the internet about Heath and his death. I watched 10 Things I Hate About You about four times already. I would repeat his singing scene all over again until I got so sick of it. It just breaks my heart everytime I read about how he doted on his daughter, Matilda Rose and how he was happy during the last days of his life. I can never imagine him taking his own life. For now, I will think of it as an accident. Tragic, heartbreaking...

My brothers and I will watch The Dark Knight in the theater when it opens in the Philippines. I will probably cry more than get excited upon seeing him still alive and getting into the role of The Joker.

I still have my 10 Things I Hate About You cd. I can watch and listen to him sing all day if I want to. I hope they're as entranced with your voice as I am, Heath. May the angels get as giddy with excitement as I do when I hear the first lines of the song…

You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you

Heathcliff Andrew Ledger

4 April 1979- 22 January 2008

About having a child:

"You're forced into kind of, respecting yourself more," he said. :"You learn more about yourself through your child, I guess. I think you also look at death differently. It's like a Catch-22: I feel good about dying now because I feel like I'm alive in her, you know, but at the same hand, you don't want to die because you want to be around for the rest of her life.”

Heath with Matilda

Matilda's footprints with her name scrawled by Heath outside their home

About growing up with his mom and his sisters:
"I learned respect for women, and patience. You grow up with all those women around you...you learn to wait your turn." - Cosmopolitan, June 1998

2008-01-13T03:30:00.000-08:00

Excited over 2008

There's something about the media noche that makes me happy and nostalgic. It's the one occasion my family and I look forward to. When I was a kid, I'd spend my time watching television, praying (yes, I used to say my prayers about not getting killed by stray bullets) and eating. I would also sometimes sleep so I would have the energy to jump as high as I could when the clock strikes 12. The elders say it would add inches to my height. What a joke! My brothers tower over me now. I can't even be a flight attendant because I'm petite.

Since working in a call center would mean being in the office during the holidays, I filed for vacation leaves as early as June 10. I was at home for the noche buena, December 30 and January 1. I was irked when I saw that they signed me up to work on December 31 from 4:30 to 11:00 PM. Fortunately, my dad had some things to finish in the office until 7:00 so he agreed to pick me up after my shift. I was supposed to ask them to drive from Cavite to Makati like three years ago. The agents from Dell E-care had work on the 31st until about 8:00 PM. Vayie and I walked to Starmall to wait for my parents who dropped off a sack of rice and fruits in my aunt's house in Montalban, Rizal.

I was so excited about celebrating with my family that I failed to get some sleep the whole day. I felt dizzy but I didn't feel sleepy. I had to take Advil when I got to work so I could function properly. I need to get some sleep before working because I would have palpitations if I don't. Only Owen, Chris, Arcie, Brian, Zack, Majo and Joni went to work. Our other teammates were either on leave or absent. I wore a yellow coverup over a white camisole and a pair of shoes with stripes in different colors. I always buy new outfits with stripes for the New Year. It's one tradition I follow. I don't know if it's true that wearing shirts with stripes and polka dots would bring one lots of money. I always manage to make myself broke after anyway.

The night went by in a blur. I remember taking calls and answering emails, eating crackers, nuggets and fries in McDonald's for lunch. People were scampering to buy food before the fastfood closes at 8:00 PM. I sent my dad a message at 9:00 PM asking him to wait for me in front of Mini Stop in Pasong Tamo. A few minutes before 11:00, I had my stuff packed and my headset and mug tucked inside my locker. At exactly 11:00, I picked up my huge bag and made a run for it. I passed by Gi's station to wait for her so we could take the elevator together. Her boyfriend, Karl was waiting outside. When we got to the street between our building and the condominium beside it, we saw Karl and his family who were packed in a red car. He greeted me as I dialed my dad's number because I couldn't see our car parked anywhere in Mini Stop. He parked pala on the other side of the street with Milbert, a guy who used to work for my parents in Mindoro. I sat in the passenger's seat, tried to fasten my seatbelt but found it stuck so I gave up trying. My dad told me that we would be passing by Villamor and not EDSA like I thought. I didn't recognize Pasong Tamo Extension anymore. The last time I went there was when I was in second year high school and I visited my friends in Makati Hope. My dad slowed the car down a little when we got in front of my old school. I looked at it longingly while thinking of the wonderful memories. I gazed at the sidewalk going to my mom's office building and I was happy to see that it was still covered with dry leaves from a tree that was there since I was in kindergarten. Same scene as before. I saw Karrivin Plaza formerly Sarmiento Building II. There's a Starbucks in the ground floor and I was brought back to the old times when I used to roam around the building going on errands for my mom. People used to know me there because of her. When I went back wearing my high school uniform, they all oohed and aahed over how big I've grown. They probably remember me as the kid who wore headbands and was always hanging around to wait for her mom to go home. My dad was as excited as I was. Maybe because he was always proud of me for surviving in a Chinese school when nobody speaks Chinese at home. Haha!

After dropping off Milbert in Villamor, my dad and I went straight to Baclaran to get to Roxas Boulevard. I was fidgeting in my seat looking out the car window for fireworks being placed in the street. Some people have this bad habit of hurling firecrackers at passing vehicles so we drove carefully. We saw some people waiting for public utility vehicles in MIA road. I was surprised to see that there were other people stuck outside their homes on an occasion like that. When we got to Coastal Road, we found an empty expressway. Our car was the only one that passed through the toll plaza. I felt bad for the people who had to stay working there. It reminded me of the Jollibee commercial.

driving by Coastal Road on New Year's eve

the Christmas tree in Bacoor

By the time we entered the vicinity of Bacoor, fireworks were already going off in the dark sky. My dad kept asking me for the time fearing that we won't make it home in time. I gave my wristwatch nervous glances when we got to Imus. He wanted to pass by Tito Arnel's house but decided not to when he found out that we had less than 20 minutes. When we were nearing Malagasang in Imus, beautiful fireworks just appeared right on top of Dasma. I realized how beautiful it was to be out in the open because I had a clear view of the sky. Kit asked me to buy firecrackers in stalls near the highway to add to the ones my mom bought earlier but nobody was selling firecrackers anymore. I texted Gladz to greet her and she asked me where I was. I told her we were near the village and she told me that I would make it home to be with my family. True enough, when my dad maneuvered our car into our street, I saw my neighbors celebrating outside. It was already 12. I got out of the car and ran towards our gate where my brothers were standing. Gem told me he liked my shoes as I handed him my bag so I could take pictures using my phone.

the fountain Kit lit when I got home

It was a beautiful media noche. After we finished lighting all our firecrackers and fountains, we went inside to eat. We had carbonara, chicken macaroni salad, mocha cake, chocolate mousse, halayang ube, valenciana, crispy pata, fruits and chocolates. I ate my fill and went inside my room to change into my pajamas. I dozed off and woke up at 5:00 AM.

***

To-do list

I am excited about the year of the rat. I started scribbling important things on my planner and I had an agreement with my college buddies and Augy to save money this year and travel. I have a lot of things to look forward to this year and I know this one is going to be a lot better than 2007. Far better than any year I've spent as an adult. Cheers!

my mom's small hoard of chocolates from Makro

a gift for my mom that she decided to give to me. Definitely one of my favorite bags due to the size.

2008-01-06T11:15:00.000-08:00

Life's Little Blessings

Never let the things you want make you forget the things that you already have.

This is a high school friend's shoutout in Friendster. It is equivalent to a slap in the face when we complain about the things that are happening to us (and those that are not happening at all) or we forget to thank God for every bit of blessing we get from Him. It shook me awake. I have been listing the things that I want to achieve and get this year that I failed to be grateful for what I have - a happy family, a cozy home, supportive and reliable friends, a loving boyfriend and a nice-paying job (that I whine about most of the time because I want more moolah).

Sometimes we think that we are not getting enough out of life or that we deserve more than what we have. It is sometimes frustrating to work so hard and not get that close to what we are hoping to achieve in life. What I've learned though is that God gives us what we need and not what we THINK we need. He knows what's good for us. I, for one would continue working my ass off and reach for every little dream that would come closest to my grasp. Fortunately, I have learned to smile more and whine less. My temper is yet to be controlled but that would be conquered next.

***

I love life. I love being alive. I love coming home on my rest days and spending the whole time in bed or watching television with my brothers. I love looking at them and seeing how big they've grown. I love snuggling under my warm blanket and feeling my warm pajamas. I love Fridays with Augy wherein we would pig out and talk over Shanghai chicken, siomai and Yang Chow rice in North Park. I love talking to my friends and laughing with them. I love dreaming. As long as there are dreams to look forward to, life and its troubles won't seem too difficult to handle.

***

Summer is fast approaching and I am going to make the most out of it with my loved ones. I'm going to file as much vacation leaves as I can to prepare for outings with my family.

***

Oh yes, I struggle with my weight problems and I am starting to think that I am becoming anorexic. Imagine staring at your face in the mirror one minute and seeing how pudgy it is then after a minute, you look again and see that it's just the right size. I am crazy.

2008-01-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

Holidays, baby!

The chocolate mousse beckons while I'm writing this but I refuse to give in. I've been eating carbonara and chicken macaroni salad like there's no tomorrow. Let's just say that I'm refusing to think about tomorrow when I have to exercise just to lose the extra pounds all the food earned me.

Christmas was okay. My teammates were upset about not having vacation leaves for Christmas. I understand how sad it is to not be home while your whole family's eating noche buena and exchanging presents. I was lucky to have approved leaves for December. The account was closed on December 25 so I had a day to rest at home.

I had work on the 23rd and the customers were the worst they could ever be on a cold December night. Nothing could dampen my mood though. I was happy with the thought of going home and checking all the food we will have for noche buena.

When I got home, I was told that we would have spaghetti, fruit salad and cake for noche buena. A simple meal for Christmas. New Year always gets the top priority even in cooking. I did a few exercises and went to bed. I woke up in the afternoon to the sound of voices in the living room. My cousins arrived a few hours earlier and were starting to get quite comfy in the living room. Quincy would grab the gold Christmas balls and ask Jeof how much each would cost. Jeof only knew one amount- five thousand. They did the same routine several times in a night.

My lola prevented them from demolishing the whole tree by threatening them to get a spanking with a stick. What a way to celebrate Christmas. We took pictures as usual while watching television, messaging friends and getting naps in between. We coaxed Jeof to dance the Kagat Labi steps that he sees in Eat Bulaga. Don't you just love it when kids appear nice and cute for a couple of hours?

My aunt had work until 10 in the evening but she arrived at 11 after taking the last bus ride from Lawton going to Cavite. Quin asked me where her presents were. I told her that my lola kept them because if I tell them that all the presents were under the tree, she will tear every plastic branch apart just to sneak a peek under it. A few minutes before 12, they got really impatient. Jeof kept standing up and asking me for his presents. I told him to go to my lola who was sleeping in their room. I peeked through the door while he nudged my lola and said, "12 na. Regalo ko?" My lola told him that it wasn't 12 yet and he had to wait. He entered the room a few times and asked my lola the same question until it was 12. They unwrapped the presents happily and wore each outfit to check the sizes. It was a pleasant sight. It was the first time my aunt spent the holidays with us since she got married.

The next day, we ate the leftover food and my aunt decided to order pizza from Pizza Hut. I had a new Palm Card that I paid for a few weeks before Christmas. We tried the Triple Chicken pizza which we didn't find delicious. The cheesy pops and free pizza made us happy campers though. We spent the rest of the day watching television, talking, eating and in my brothers' case, playing Playstation games.

I slept throughout the afternoon. I thought I was dreaming when I heard voices talking. My lola told me that before my cousins left, they entered the room to say goodbye. Sweet. I was too sleepy to open my eyes though.

2008-01-01T23:43:00.000-08:00

Banishing 2007's Demons

2007 was a year of turmoil for me. I'm pertaining to my relationship and work. I was brimming with negativity last year from the time it started. Thankfully, I've had some realizations by the last quarter which saved me from woes. My demons, laziness and procrastination will not make a comeback in the year 2008. I will do everything in my power to achieve my goals with the help of Augy and my friends. I will turn my plans into reality. Seriously.

2008 is the time....

~to banish negativity

~to value my work

~to love my family more

~to appreciate my loved one

~to stop procrastinating

~to stop envying others (but instead to improve on my life)

~to explore career improvements

~to simply clean my room once every two months (it's a major feat)

~to travel more (one country, one province, one city, one culture at a time)

~to save (and give in to some indulgences once in a while)

~to get eyeglasses so that I don't have to squint most of the time

~to finally wear braces (and go to dental checkups)

~to invest on something lucrative

~to engage in a new hobby

~to love myself more (curves, bulges and all)

~to value every experience and learn from it (may it be good or bad)

~to finally learn the very challenging virtue of patience

~to control my temper and acid tongue (which damaged quite a few feelings)

~to compliment people and to be happy for their blessings

~to smile and laugh more

~to be content (it is a constant struggle)

~to live within my means

~to read more

~to have a time for prayer

~to renew old ties

~to spend time with friends

~to stop whining and instead to focus on what I can do

~to start writing again (scribbles, gobbledygook, anything from my mind)

~to learn from my past mistakes

~to get enough sleep (migraines are punishing to the core)

~to be happy for what I am, who and what I have and what I will achieve in the future

2007-12-30T01:40:00.000-08:00

Cutie

I've always found this picture cute. Guess who? Haha!

2007-12-29T23:47:00.000-08:00

Post-Halloween Escapades

We had our team building last month. I just didn't get to blog about it because our computer was driving us bonkers. My mom had to have it repaired and after what seemed like an eternity, she brought it home last night. Gem sent me a message while I was at the mall waiting for my turn at the atm.

***

I love beaches. My name says it all. When Ren, my supervisor informed the team that we will have our team building in her hometown, Bataan, we got really excited. The excitement waned after a few days though. I didn't have approved vacation leaves and I dreaded the exhaustion I would feel after two days of traveling and swimming. My batchmates made me feel guilty about not coming saying that it might be the last one we'll have with the whole team intact. I ended up packing my stuff two days before our departure. I decided to bring my black and white swimsuit because I'm saving my red one for my postponed Bora trip. I vowed to bring just enough to fill my Herbench bag. When we went to Bulacan, I had to cram my clothes in every little space available. I didn't want to make the same mistake so I made sure to just pack the essentials.

We left Makati at 8:00 in the morning. Tippy didn't come because Cathy got sick so we had enough space in the L300 for everyone. The weather in Manila was horrible so Erika, Brendo, Owen and Gi decided not to commute to Morong, Bataan. I took a nap right after we left the office. They were laughing at me because my pillow was still wrapped in plastic. I didn't want to have any dirt stuck on it on the way to the resort. We stopped by Farmer's Market in Cubao where Ren bought talaba for pulutan that night. Will accompanied me to the ladies' washroom which was quite yucky. I'd rather contend with that than punish my bladder for four hours. Right after leaving Cubao, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I woke up when we arrived in Double Happiness (Pampanga). It's a place where Victory Liner buses stop by so that passengers can eat their meals, buy pasalubong and empty their bladders. Right after urinating, I went back to the L300 to sleep. After a few minutes, my friends arrived saying that they had me paged thinking that I got lost because I just disappeared while they were posing for snapshots.

We arrived in Olongapo an hour or so after. We got lost while looking for the road to Bataan. We found ourselves in Ocean Adventure. We had to turn back in order to get to the right road. My friends were munching on cornik and pastillas when I woke up. I stayed awake to marvel at the view. It was like traveling through a forest with big trees, vines and endless roads. I found out that Morong is an NPA-infested town after passing through checkpoints. Ren pointed out a lake to us and Brendo grew excited with every winding road and every picturesque sight that we passed by. We stopped over Ren's house to get some cooking utensils and meet her mom who had to go to Subic for her company's planning session. While sitting down in Ren's living room, Owen and Anggueh rushed to the house exclaiming about the beauty of the city hall and the church. We all decided to walk to the centuries-old church across the street. I found it pretty. On the way to the gate, we passed by a tricycle terminal. A man was struck by Erika’s beauty. He greeted her when she walked past him.

Man: Wow! Pang fashion model ang beauty. Anong pangalan mo?

Erika smiled at the man and shyly said:

Pearl...

I walked with my mouth left open while our other friends roared with laughter. Erika started laughing when we got to the church's door. She loves pulling pranks on me when she gets the chance.

We peeked through a small gap on the door because it was locked. We satisfied ourselves with taking pictures in front of the church. After a few minutes, we rode the L300 to get to the Waterfront Resort. We rented five rooms and I ended up sharing with Anggueh, Gi and Erika. Our room didn't have an electrical plug in it which sucked big time because I had to go to the guy's room to charge my phone's battery. I changed into comfy shorts and shirt and took a nap. I woke up at 4:00 in the afternoon and ate lunch in the open cottage near the seashore. When Kat woke up, I took a shower and wore my swimsuit. We took pictures in the beach and swam. We stayed there until 6:00. No one's allowed to swim at night because of the big waves. We all moved to the swimming pool and took more pictures.

I felt so sleepy that I took my pillow, wore my white coverup and took a nap in the open cottage. I woke up to Ren's voice calling on everyone to eat dinner. I went to the dining pavilion and partook of the spicy spare ribs, pork chop and rice. It was a sumptuous meal. Hal, Erika and Kat were hogging the videoke machine while we kept on eating. When we got tired of talking and eating, we carried the bottles of alcoholic beverages and food to the beach. The driver made a bonfire for us and we toasted marshmallows and hotdogs. It was scorching hot so I kept my distance. We just kept taking pictures and improvising ways of toasting the marshmallows without getting burned. When I got tired, I went to our room and took a shower. I stayed by the beach for a few minutes before telling Kat to wake me up before sunrise so we could walk in the seashore and take snapshots. I slept for a few hours until I was roused by the sound of somebody puking her guts out in the washroom. I sneaked a peek and saw Ren drunk and sick beside the toilet bowl. Gi arrived and wiped her with a towel. We asked Ren to lie down on the bed and she mumbled that she would only sleep for 15 minutes. She passed out and she didn't answer back when I asked her to move a little to the other side of the bed. Anggueh entered the room carrying a cup of coffee that she placed in the dresser thinking that Ren would be able to take a sip after. Mark arrived a few minutes later with the shot glass for Anggueh. I went back to sleep after they left. I squeezed myself into a tiny space between a sand-covered Ren and the cold wall.

After about two hours, I heard the door open and I saw Gi upon opening my eyes. She asked if I saw Erika. I told her I didn't and went off to dreamland. I didn't know what convinced me to scramble out of bed after a few hours. When I went out of the room, I saw Arcie leaving the room she was sleeping in with Joy. She informed me that the others were in the swimming pool. I walked with her to the pool and saw Erika swimming stark naked. I waved at her and said, "Hey, bitch!". She answered in Japanese so I knew that she was really drunk. I found out that Erika got burned in the bonfire after tripping on her pants. She was trying to remove it when she lost her balance and fell straight into the fire. I was so shocked when I saw how huge the burned area was. She was oblivious to the pain though and she kept swimming. Arcie told me that she also slipped while running after Anggueh outside the shower room. She fell on the floor with a loud thud.

Ignoring Erika in her drunken stupor, I munched on a bag of Chippy beside Will and Anggueh. Gi went to the dining pavilion to eat and Brendo followed suit. Owen, Hal and Mark left to go to their rooms. I was left with Arcie, Will and Erika. Erika walked out of the swimming pool in a daze and Arcie decided to go back to their room. Will and I hauled the food and bottles that were left by the pool and walked in the dark. One of the resort employees turned off the lights since it was already 4:00 in the morning. I sat in one of the chairs in the dining pavilion and talked to Brendo. After a few minutes, Erika appeared from out of nowhere and took a porkchop from the casserole. She was talking in Japanese while Brendo and I looked clueless. She tore the porkchop into pieces and motioned for Brendo to eat. Brendo declined saying that he already ate. She threw the pieces at him and went to the table where the other dishes were placed. I saw her holding the casserole and then she just walked right in front of Brendo and started throwing the meat at him. I ran to her side of the table and asked her to stop. She just smiled at me in the dark. Afraid that she was going to hurl the casserole at me, I ran to the boys' room screaming. Owen was sitting in bed while Brian who was feverish was sleeping in the upper deck of the bed he shared with Will. Will was taking a bath in the bathroom. Owen told me to relax.

Owen: Pearl, yung Erika sa labas hindi yun yung Erika na friend mo sa office.
Pearl: Oh, okay.

I went to my room and took the milk and mamon to the boys' room. I was trying to avoid running into Erika who was running wild around the resort. Brendo entered the room and I asked him to lock the door. I sipped on my straw and took bites from my mamon while they updated me on what really happened to Erika.

I went back to my room and saw a white figure running right smack into the waves. I rushed to the boys' room and panicked that Erika might drown in the sea. Owen told me to sit down and relax so I did for the second time. Brendo opened the door to take a peek. He forgot to lock it because a few minutes later, it opened and Erika's head popped. She smiled at us and went to the mirror. We thought she wasn't drunk anymore. However, she started speaking in Japanese. She looked at me and smiled.

Owen: Pearl, lagot ka daw sa kanya mamaya.
Pearl: Huh? Oh no. Hindi nga.

They laughed at me right after Erika went out of the room. Will asked me to cook Yakisoba. We went to the dining pavilion and took the packs of Yakisoba out of the plastic bag. We used a small flashlight so we could see through the plastic bags. I felt somebody breathing right behind us and I screamed in surprise. Erika was right there looking at us. She scared me several times. We let her walk around the resort while we cooked and ate Yakisoba. Will told me that somebody was moving inside our room. I ran inside and I saw Ren in the bathroom washing her face. I told her that Erika's leg got burned. She went outside just in time to see Erika frolicking in the outdoor shower. She was about to take her towel off. Ren draped it around her and took her to our room. She sat on the bowl while Ren poured water on her. After a few minutes, she was back to her normal self. She was sobbing in grief upon seeing the burns on her leg. She was mumbling about killing herself if she got scarred. Ren and the driver rushed her to the health center near the church. When they returned, I asked her about the name she gave the doctor thinking that she used my name again. Ren told me that she was the one who gave Erika's information. She passed out while the doctor was cleaning her burns.

Erika: Nagising ako sa reality nung narinig ko na tinanong kung anong age ko. Sabi ko 22…

Pearl: What?! Bakit?
Erika: Ano na lang iisipin nila pag nalaman nila age ko tapos ganito pa mga ginagawa ko? Kaya sinabi ko 22.

We didn't get to ride the banca to an island where pawikans lay their eggs because of what happened to Erika. Ren decided to stay in Morong for another day. We dropped Brian off in Olongapo after purchasing chocolates in Puregold. I bought a pack of Twix for my family, Cadbury for me and Augy's mom and Chunky Chips Ahoy for Augy and my brothers. We were all exhausted but happy. Erika was absent for two days to recover after her accident. She's officially scared of bonfires now.

***

Anggueh told me that she almost drowned when Erika pulled her to the deep part of the pool. She was gagging and panicking while Owen just stared and them and said, "Ay. Si Anggueh nalulunod". He was nonchalant about what was happening until Will saw Anggueh and pulled her to the side of the pool where she gasped for air.

2007-11-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

Deep Pain

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

We weren't close but he was nice and friendly to me. The last time I saw him was in March 1999. I never imagined that I wouldn't see him alive ever again. When someone you know dies, regardless whether you were chummy or not, it would pain you. I've never felt this sad. The last time was when my friend from Ambergris, Avanae died.

In a quiet school like Chung Hua where almost all the kids are Chinese, I've never ever thought that anything tragic would happen to any of us. Not my schoolmates and definitely not my batchmates who I used to see everyday. When Augy told me that he died, an image just flashed into my mind. It was like seeing Jason right in front of me walking with the straps of his sports bag tucked on his shoulder.

Wherever you are, Jason, I hope you're happy now. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord. That man will get his just punishment.

a picture I took from his Friendster account. The only picture I could find that perfectly shows him like he was back in high school.

2007-11-25T11:15:00.000-08:00

Update on Fun Times

(october 2007)

I haven't blogged for ages. I feel like a baby who's taking her first steps. I have so many reasons on why I neglected my blog for this long.

1. I barely had time to do normal stuff like sleep. What more blog on a daily or even weekly basis.
2. I feel sooo lazy.
3.My computer hangs or freezes like crazy. I'm even writing this down on an old journal first because I can't type on Microsoft Word for more than 15 minutes.

I've been through a lot lately. Stress, sickness and boredom. The kind of boredom that makes one jump out of the window. Well, close to that. I've had instances where I felt like smashing my computer at work after staring at the screen for a long time. That's why I'm thankful for the rare times I get to spend with friends.

I met up with Carlo last month. I was supposed to meet him the day after the Glorietta blast but I was so paranoid that I stayed home the whole weekend. I asked Augy to accompany me to Robinson's Galleria. On the proposed date, I was aghast to find out that Carlo ended his shift really early. He had to wait for me for hours because my shift ended at 5am and I had a meeting until 6am. I hate making people wait for me so I went straight to Market! Market! to meet up with Augy. We took a cab to Galleria and headed to Gloria Jean's as soon as we got off. I couldn't find Carlo outside so I rang his phone. I received a message from him saying that he was inside the coffee shop. I excitedly went inside and found him sitting near a cutout of Katrina Halili. I introduced him to Augy and we started on a long conversation about our common friends. After more than an hour of chatting and taking pictures, we bade Carlo goodbye and headed off to eat breakfast.

***

They say one can't choose his relatives. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could have a choice. My two little cousins are pains in the ass. They tormented me for a week. A weekend with those two is hellish enough. So you can imagine how hard it is to have them for a longer period of time.

My aunt decided to have Quincy and Jeof stay in our house with their yaya during Quin's sembreak. It was timeout from school for my brothers too so they had to endure not playing computer games when those two were wide awake. Kit carried his PS2 to my parents' bedroom and locked himself inside for hours while Gem had to contend with playing when our cousins were napping. Quincy broke her wrist a week before her visit and the doctor put her arm on a cast. That didn't stop her from wreaking havoc in our house though. I belly danced and surfed the net right after I get home and before they wake up for breakfast. Once I turn my computer on, Quin would be ready to press the keys incessantly until I go nuts and just retreat to my room for some peace and quiet. She would pound on my door nonstop until my lola would tell her to stop.

Gem with Jeof and Quin

My aunt went to our house a few days before Halloween. My uncle came a day later. We decided to go to the Enchanted Kingdom. I had work on November 1st so we planned to go the next day. I skipped the product integration meeting after my shift and went straight home. I knew that I needed to get lots of shut-eye before going to the amusement park. I only got to sleep for about four hours before my lola woke me up. I hurriedly took a bath and I ended up bribing Kit just to come with us. We prepared spaghetti, garlic chicken, rice and biko for dinner, wrapped everything, packed extra clothes and boarded our AUV.

Quincy and Jeof slept until we got to Sta. Rosa while the grownups exchanged stories. I was quite excited about going to the Enchanted Kingdom after so many years. The last time we went there was when I was in college and my brothers were smaller than me.They now tower over me and it was fun having my cousins with us. After all, kids appreciate things like that more. I know they needed all that space to run around for just a day. They're usually cooped inside the house. That's why they have all that boundless energy.

Waiting for tickets

With Quincy

We started on the kiddie rides. I took pictures while my uncle and Gem rode along with the two kids. After the rides, we decided to hop onto the Up, Up and Away ride. Jeof and my uncle rode on one balloon while I rode in one with my brothers and Quincy. Jeof enjoyed it so much that he refused to leave when we decided to go to the AUV to eat dinner. Gem and I sneaked into the Roller Skaters and had one go before meeting them near the exit. Jeof hit me with his tiny fist when I told him that we would go home right away. He was standing in the parking lot waiting to be served some chicken when my dad joked about driving home. He screamed at the top of his lungs and sprinted back towards the gate. Kit chased after him because he might get hit by a passing vehicle.

After dinner, we went back inside where we rode the Wheel of Fate. Erwin rode with my uncle and two cousins and I went with Gem and Kit. A few feet off the ground, Gem suddenly declared that he is scared of heights and Kit told me that he felt like jumping off. I almost hyperventilated in fright. My cousins had the time of their lives though. We could hear them shouting our names and laughing. Whenever the wheel turned and they would catch sight of us, they would wave and scream. We saw Jeof jumping and my uncle had to hold him tightly because he wanted to lean over the railing. My brothers told me to take pictures so they wouldn't notice how high we were from the ground. I became photographer for the night. I used my phone and Gem's to take snapshots of them! I only took two solo photos of me and one with Gem. Gem asked me to play some music from my phone. I told him that I have a song he would like. I pressed some keys to get to my Music Player and played 'Drop It Like It's Hot'.

Gem: Wag yan! Drop it eh!

He nervously asked me to change the song.

In the Wheel of Fate

I swore never to go on a ride involving heights with them again. I didn't allow them to ride the Space Shuttle because Kit had fever and Gem was jittery.

Walking with Kit

We let Jeof run around while waiting for the fireworks to go off. He ended up spanking an old woman in the butt and tormenting two little girls who were eating ice cream. When the fireworks started filling the dark sky with light, Gem took a video using his phone and I kept pointing out the beautiful colors to Quin who stood transfixed beside me.

We found Jeof huddled behind the concrete bench in fright in the middle of the spectacle. My aunt held him in her arms so he wouldn't get too scared. After the fireworks, we took our cousins to Rialto. The usher asked Jeof to leave because he's still too small for the ride. Gem told us not to look at him when he passed by our seats because he might cry. To our surprise, he stopped walking when he and my uncle got in front of our seats. With puppy dog eyes staring up at us, he said in a small voice, "Hindi puede". Then he walked down the stairs to get to the lobby where my aunt and his yaya were sitting down. After the show, we found him waiting outside. He rode more kiddie rides with Quin while my brothers and Erwin lined up for the Rio Grande Rapids ride. I had to sit near the exit because they left their phone with me for safekeeping. When I couldn't contain my impatience, I asked my mom to go with me to the souvenir shop where I bought candies for my cousins, a keychain and a car sticker.

I had to go back after seeing that they placed two stickers inside the bag when I only paid for one. It turns out that the other one was free. While walking around around, I saw Gladz's brother and his girlfriend. I waved at him before heading back to where my lola was sitting down. It was already past ten when my brothers got out of the Rio Grande. Gem was soaking wet while Erwin and Kit were dry. We were all tired but happy. My cousins fell asleep on the way home. They didn't wake up until the next day. The rest of us heated spaghetti and ate before snoozing. I crawled into bed exhausted but happy. I had lots of pictures to look at until I dozed off.

2007-11-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Two-Day Beach Holiday

Every time we walk along a beach some ancient urge disturbs us so that we find ourselves shedding shoes and garments or scavenging among seaweed and whitened timbers like the homesick refugees of a long war. ~Loren Eiseley

2007-11-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Early Christmas Wish

I am wishing for good health. It's something that I am struggling with nowadays. I am unable to blog as much as I want because I easily get tired. I make sure that I get lots of rest or else I'll feel really sick. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll feel a lot better to do the things I love.

2007-10-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

Blessed

a few minutes after the first (and last) time Iryn and I will eat pihng pihng tien tien in Luk Yuen, february 2007

What happened today gave me another reason to value the time I spend with my loved ones, to love being alive inspite of the tough times, to not take every minute of my sometimes boring life for granted and to trust God more in everything I do.

2007-10-14T02:38:00.000-07:00

H A P P Y

I was sick for days. Fever, acute sinusitis, sore throat and colds. I guess they were caused by the weird, insufferable weather. I still have runny nose and it's killing me. I have to get some sleep but I am sooo happy that I took the time to post a short entry. Meet Maximillian, guys! He's the iPod shuffle Augy gifted me with. He asked my why I named my iPod that. Pang rich yung name eh!

Have you noticed that I'm in yellow most of the time? =)

2007-10-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

Back to Heaven & Eggs...

I met up with Augy and Iryn last September 28 for breakfast. It was nice being back in Heaven & Eggs after months of not dining there. They did some improvements with the menu and I looove it! The adobo flakes is not served with plain rice but something else. It was yummy and they added salted eggs and tomato ensilada. Grabe, sobrang dami ko nakain.

2007-10-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

UAAP Fever

I got so caught up with the whole UAAP thing. It was like being in college. There's nothing like school pride. It felt good to see college kids and alumni rooting for their teams. Since the UST Growling Tigers didn't make it to the finals this year, I chose to cheer for the other team I like, the University of the East Red Warriors. I always thought they had great players. They had James Yap and Paul Artadi when I was in college.

I vowed to watch the Finals to support them and it was nice of Conrad to get me a ticket. Yipee! I was a bit disappointed when the Warriors lost Game 1. I left Araneta dazed. I had to sleep in the office and take a shower there just to make it to the game and they lost. I sat in the bus on the way to work praying for a win on Game 2. I was hoping they'd have the same victory like UST had last year. The Tigers lost to Ateneo in Game 1 but won Games 2 and 3. Yeah!

Yesterday, I went to Makati early to leave some stuff in my locker before heading to Araneta. Conrad handed me the tickets to keep before eating lunch. He called CK who asked him to go to mass first but he told her that there's no church anywhere in Cubao! We were to meet CK and her friend in Araneta so we could sit together. We planned to go to Starbucks first but balked at the sight of so many people swarming around Araneta. We squeezed our way inside just when the ushers started letting people in. We found great seats and we saved two more for CK and her friend who were on their way there. Apparently, there were four of them and we only saved two seats! Two of her friends had to sit at the back. I saw Roman and his fiancee, Rosette too. We waved at Roman. He told me that their other friends were in the DLSU side.

We were there two hours before the awarding ceremony. People from DLSU were swarming inside. They easily filled up the place. All I could see was green. I wore red in support of the Warriors.

I stayed in my seat to watch the players for UAAP get their awards. I saw Chris Tiu! He is sooo cute. I cheered for Japs Cuan and Jervy Cruz. It felt heartwarming to hear and see UE and DLSU people cheering for the Tigers. They were all doing the famous GO USTE! cheer. Haha! Proud Thomasian.

When the game started, I noticed that the Warriors didn't play as well as in their other games. The Archers were good though. The UE people didn't lose heart. We cheered, we jumped and shouted everytime the Warriors scored points. Kudos to the UE Ped Squad who screamed at the top of their lungs and motivated the supporters to cheer kahit natatambakan na ang Warriors. I felt a bit exhausted but I still jumped and shouted whenever the Warriors would get the ball. I knew that DLSU was bound to win but I told Brendo through text that one shouldn't lose faith. It was fun being there. I was disappointed with how the Warriors played though. When the buzzer sounded signaling the end of the game and I saw the timer display two zeroes, my eyes filled with tears. It was not the ending I wanted for the boys who played really well and worked so hard to get the 14-0 record. I believed in them so much that I lost sleep just to watch the games. There's always the next season to look forward to.

***

When I got to work, I took a nap before my shift started. I snoozed during my one-hour break too. I couldn't wait to get home so I could get some sleep. I decided to sleep in the bus on the way home. I was taken by surprise when I woke up and the sun was shining down on my face. Aarrgh! Sun exposure! I was stuck in the bus for the next three hours. The lanes bound for Manila and Cavite were in standstill. I didn't know why but I could see people walking hurriedly outside. The bus stayed outside Robinson's Imus for like an hour. My head throbbed because of the heat and the exhaustion. I got home before ten in the morning. My shift ended at five. Grrr... I opened my computer to check my mail and received a message from Gem asking me if I was home. I told him that I just got there. He was wondering daw because his classmates who live in Imus got to school really late because of the heavy traffic. When he got home during lunch, he told me that there was a vehicular accident somewhere which caused the traffic to worsen. I took a Stresstabs tablet and slept. When I woke up, I felt pain in my back and my arms felt like I lifted weights all day. They must have ached because of the time I spent jumping around in Araneta and the time I spent sitting in the bus. I felt sick so I informed my sup that I'll skip work tonight. I slept for a few more hours before waking up to eat. I'll be back to work tomorrow. Sigh.

***

I wore pink for Game 1

Game 1

Red for Game 2!

2007-09-30T02:03:00.000-07:00

What's in my bag...

I got tagged by Vayie. I was quite hesitant to show my messy bag. Messy is actually an understatement. I use different bags depending on the color of my clothes but my stuff usually just gets shoved inside. Parang hindi girl. Hehe.

1. my black pouch. it contains my toothbrush, a pack of tissue, Johnson's Milk lotion, Nivea tinted moisturizer, a small bottle of hair treatment that I use often and a white towel to wipe myself dry in case I get caught in the rain on the way to work.

2. a blue pouch with polka dots. inside it is a New Testament Bible that I've been carrying around since second year high school. It was given to me by a religious group when they dropped by Chung Hua. I have a similar Bible given by an uncle who was a pastor but I chose to keep this one because it was given to me on the day that a high school batchmate (that I met a few weeks earlier because I was a new student) was buried. She died of a heart ailment. She was introduced to me by her boyfriend who is a classmate a week before she got confined in the hospital. The Bible always reminds me of how precious and short life is. It also reminds me of the values and beliefs that I have been instilled with since kindergarten. This pouch also carries old receipts, atm withdrawal receipts and cash.

3. my red kikay kit. it contains my Nivea red lipgloss, my favorite The Body Shop Born Lippy lip balm in strawberry, a really cheap Ever Bilena lipgloss, Pond's two-way foundation, nailcutter, tweezer, Band-Aid, Panoxyl, sanitary napkin, a tube of Colgate, pink comb, pink teeny-weeny hair clamp and a ponytail. Have you noticed that I don't carry a lipstick with me? Haha. I dig lipgloss.

4. my blue Nine West wallet. It was a Christmas gift for my mom but I snatched it away from her. It has pictures of me and my close friends, Augy's ID picture, Pizza company promo cards from two years ago, receipts, Maxicare cards, a Healthway card, business cards of my dentist, dermatologist and some friends and an old bill from Argentina given by my favorite cousin.

5. My Nokia N70 phone and an old 3200 unit I bought 4 years ago. It's falling apart now. I need to get a new secondary phone.

6. a handkerchief. pinaglihi ako ng mom ko kay Vilma Santos. Aside from being dramatic, I carry a handkerfchief with me all the time. Hindi puedeng tissue lang. Ate Vi is always seen on tv with a hanky in her hand. Hehe.

7. a cute multi-colored coin purse given by a childhood friend last Christmas.

8. My company ID, locker key and other thingamajigs. Bus tickets stay in my bag for a couple of days. I quit collecting them since I stared working.

9. my blue umbrella. I don't leave home without it. I started carrying an umbrella around since college because the derma told me not to expose my skin to the sun.

10. my pink Starbucks tumbler. If you see me carrying this huge bag then that would mean that I have it tucked inside. I stopped carrying a mineral water bottle last year. When I saw my college buddies about two weeks ago, that's the first thing they asked when they saw my bag. Nagdadala ka pa rin ba ng bote ng mineral water?

2007-09-10T03:30:00.000-07:00

Press the panic button!

I was this happy before I found out that I gained 3 lbs! That is a lot for somebody like me who suffered and starved just to hit 108 lbs. I'm now 114 lbs. A pound more and I will be back to my weight last year. It's like a seesaw. Crazy. I have to go back to eating apples. I will eat apples until they chase me in my dreams. I have to love apples. Hate everything but not apples.

2007-09-03T00:50:00.000-07:00

Lazybone's first entry for September...

There's nothing like spending a weekend with a bunch of relatives and an afternoon with your best friend. Last week, my aunt and her family stayed in our house for three days. It was a long weekend so they decided to drop by for a visit. Gem couldn't help but groan a little because it's undeniable that Quincy is the naughtiest little girl we've ever met so far. She is our cousin and we have to control ourselves from spanking her. I didn't get to spend much time with her and Jeof though because I was in the office on Saturday to support and comfort my teammates. When I arrived at home, both of them were sound asleep (thank heavens). The next day, I woke up to the sound of voices in the living room. My lola cooked champorado for us and Quincy got scolded by her dad for spilling her serving. We took some pictures which were far from decent.

We had a sumptuous lunch courtesy of my dad. I waited for Gladz to text me about dropping by her house and going to Tagaytay in the afternoon. I watched television with my family before receiving a message from her. I asked Erwin to buy me a cassava cake that I can bring to her house because it was her mom's birthday. The last time I went there was last year which incidentally was for her mom's birthday as well. I took a bath for 15 minutes, dressed in a jiffy and left the house huffing and puffing. I had to hurry up because it was already 3:00 in the afternoon when I got a ride going to Aguinaldo Highway. I took a jeepney to Trece Martires, got off in front of McDonald's in Manggahan and boarded a jeepney going to Amadeo. I felt safe in traveling to Gladz's house. I even took out my phone which I never do in Manila not even in Dasma. It started drizzling a few minutes before I got to the town proper. I was grumbling about the wrong timing because it was hard carrying the cassava cake, a bag and a cardigan while holding an umbrella. I almost panicked too because the jeepneys have a different route now. It doesn't turn a block near Gladz's house. It stopped in front of the tricycle terminal near the church. I walked a few steps away and gave up pretending to know where I was going. Nobody was in sight for me to ask for directions. It was like being in a show in Discovery Travel and Living where a tourist walks around a quaint little town peacefully. I dialled Gladz's number and she told me that she'll pick me up. I described to her everything I saw around me. I told her I could walk from the street in a straight line and end up right in the church steps. A dark blue car stopped in front of me a few minutes after and I saw her face smiling at me. She borrowed her brother's car because hers was in Batangas. I told her that she gained weight. If you saw how thin she was months ago, you'd be saying the same thing. She has been pigging out lately and she has stopped going to the gym. She doesn't exercise too. Not like me who goes crazy if I don't get to bellydance daily. We went straight to her house where she fed me pancit bihon, gelatin, cake, sapin-sapin and lumpiang shanghai. I loved the lumpiang shanghai. I refused to eat tokwa't baboy though. They had a rented videoke machine right outside the front door. Her relatives were outside drinking alcohol, singing and eating. We stayed inside to watch television and talk. She texted Beth to ask if we could go to Tagaytay but she didn't get a reply. We couldn't borrow her brother's car too because he had to use it to drop his girlfriend off after the party. We just watched The Buzz and ate to our hearts' content. We even ate a few slices of the cassava cake. It was Sutherland's second anniversary party but I chose to go to Gladz's house. My teammates had work that night so I wouldn't have anybody to go with except for Vayie who was there with her friends from eBay.

Gladz and I took a few pictures before I went home. She drove me to the terminal where the last jeepney going to Manggahan was about to leave. There were only three passengers when I boarded it but I didn't feel scared. It was a slow, cold journey home. The road going to Manggahan looked perfect for horror and massacre movies because it was dark except for the lights from the homes scattered nearby and the Meralco posts. It was the safest ride ever though. Safer than a ride through Salitran to think that I live there.

When I got home, Quincy and Jeof were wreaking havoc in my parents' bedroom while my dad slept soundly in bed. Jeof ended up throwing a tantrum when my aunt forbade him to enter the bedroom after my mom got in to get ready for bed. He cried for an hour. OMG. It has been years since somebody threw a fit in our house. He stopped after my aunt asked me to turn off the lights.

The next day, the two kids were forcing me to watch cartoons with them. I was bored so I declined and went to my room to sleep after eating spaghetti and buco pandan. I woke up in the afternoon to silence because they all left for home. I'll miss my cousins. Hehe.

2007-08-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Changes

Last Saturday, we were informed that three of our teammates will be transferred to another account. It shocked me that I shed some tears upon finding out. I love my teammates. They make my sometimes miserable life bearable. What now? I will be back to work tonight and I dread seeing three empty stations. Three discarded name tags. Three voices I wouldn't hear anymore until I see them next. I hope there will be no more bad news. Enough. I can't take anymore sadness.

2007-08-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Just My Luck

Arcie bought diet pills in Ongpin. They were herbal so I asked her to buy a pack for me. I excitedly took one right after I got home from work last Friday. I found myself sleepless, groggy and weak several hours after. I was supposed to spend time with Ace and Kat in Serendra but because of a foolish obsession, we had to cancel. I feel sorry not to mention guilty about what happened. Ace will go back to Hong Kong with her daughter, Kimi on August 20. Now, we have to do something just to see each other before she leaves.

The day after I took the pill, I was still unable to sleep. My head was pounding. I stayed in bed for two consecutive days. Aside from not being able to sleep, I found it hard to breathe whenever I try to lie down in bed and snooze. I was sweating and gasping for air. I was able to sleep late in the afternoon for about three hours. No more diet pills for me now. Back to belly dancing and my motto, No Pain, No Gain. =)

2007-08-12T00:23:00.000-07:00

Misadventures of Team Bradford

I had misgivings about our team building. I wanted to go to the beach not another resort with swimming pools. I wanted to stay home and sleep instead of traveling. I was thinking of the hours I could spend in bed instead of a strange room in a bed not my own and of sharing space with other people. You see, I have this thing about privacy. What changed my mind is the chance to bond with my teammates. Though we have so many differences in personalities, views and temperaments, we get along just fine. I am happy to be with my team and all of us have expressed the desire to resign only if all of us would be together in the same company. So I found myself swiping my card to purchase a big bag and a pair of pink flipflops in Market! Market! For the love of the team.

Two days before the team building, I have clothes packed inside the bag and a checklist of stuff I need to bring. Erika advised me to make a list so I won't miss anything. In the whiteboard near my station, a teammate scribbled the number of days before our team building. We were quite bored and stressed with work and it was the only thing that kept us going. The day before we left for Bustos, Bulacan, I unpacked and packed four times in the hopes of stuffing all my clothes, toiletries and towel with enough space left for the blanket I have left in the locker. After a few minutes of struggling, I gave up and decided to just carry a paperbag along with my huge bag.

On the night before the main event, I bumped into Ben and Kat in Ministop and they were surprised to see my 'small' bag. Apparently, the other guys like Arcie brought bags twice the size of mine. I didn't want to be teased about looking like I'll be staying in the resort for a week so I brought only the essentials. Conrad dropped by my station and Ren asked him if he wanted to come along because we were all abuzz with excitement. We were also making Nelli feel guilty about not coming with us. We weren't upset because she had something important to do the next day. The time dragged on even if I was on pure email the whole night. My teammates were grumbling about the slow ticking of the clock. The waiting was unbearable because of our overflowing excitement.

By the time we were all able to log out, all the bags have been packed and the guys who lived nearby hurried to their apartments to get their stuff. Stan, Madz, Owen, Gi and I went to Jollibee to eat breakfast. I ordered a bowl of creamy macaroni soup and large fries knowing that I couldn't go hungry on the way to the resort. After our meal, we went to the small street beside the building to board the van. All of us couldn't fit in so Erika, Owen, Brendo and Gi decided to commute to Bulacan. I sat between Stan and Madz who was feeling sick. Chris who sat beside Stan brought his laptop and we spent our time listening to music. We stopped by Manila so that Stan can get kilos of pork, tocino and longganisa from their shop. Chris volunteered to help carry the meat. The guys smoked outside while Madz and I stayed glued in our seats. I was feeling anxious about getting to Bulacan before lunch so I was quiet the whole time. When Stan and Chris arrived, they placed the meat inside the cooler and we proceeded to NLEX. We were taking pictures, talking and teasing each other throughout the journey. We stopped by a gas station with a Jollibee branch located beside it. Stan and Chris wanted to buy the pastillas sundae thingy so I gave them money while I went to pee in the gas station's washroom. When I finished, Ren was shouting for everyone to board the van so we could leave. The two were nowhere in sight so I followed them to the Jollibee store where I found Stan cajoling the crew to put more pastillas and other sweets in our cups. We rushed out of the store and boarded the van. I hungrily ate my sundae while pushing aside thoughts of calories slowly seeping through my body.

We arrived in Will's house before 9:00 am. His mom served us bowls of soup, puto and cold water. Stan took out his this Magic Sing contraption and they sang several songs before Erika and the others who commuted arrived. Ren, Will and Brendo went to buy fish in the market while the rest including me explored the house and the garden. When Brendo arrived, he wanted to wash his hands using the hose beside the house. He tried to splash water on me and Erika. We screamed and ran for cover. Owen told me that he approached Brendo and he asked for help with the hose. When Owen had it in his hands, he sprayed Brendo with water in the face as a joke. Karma. Hmp. I jumped from one stone to another because the yard was bit muddy. Erika saw me jump from a stone to the concrete landing near the porch. She laughed at me and called the stunt a 'near-death experience'. You simply do not go to Bulacan and walk around in high heels I realized that.

We left for the resort shortly with fresh fish and meat in tow. When we got there, I followed Erika who had the keys to our room. I hurriedly placed my stuff in a space in the cabinet and explored the other rooms. I decided to take a nap before lunch so I won't get a headache. I was in the bathroom getting changed when I heard several raps on the door. It was right beside the bathroom door. Erika walked to the door and I heard her declare in wonder that nobody was standing outside when she opened it. She didn't even see anybody run or walk away. Uh-oh. Not another ghost story I thought when I got out and hurried to the bed with my blanket. I shrugged it off and covered myself. Erika and Gi left to see what the others were doing. I drifted off to sleep and woke up a few minutes later when I heard them come in. Gi greeted me when I opened my eyes then Erika uttered the sentence I so dreaded.

Wala namang kumatok, Pearl?

I jumped out of bed, grabbed my pillow and blanket and ran to the room beside ours. I opened it and I saw that there was no space left for me to sleep on because the other girls were snoozing. I went to Hal and Mark's room but decided against knocking because I don't want to play third wheel. Last choice was the boy's room. I saw Stan and Brian. I threw my stuff in the mattress spread out on the floor and told them that I will be sleeping there. I asked Brendo to wake me up after lunch so I could swim. Stan slept in the bed covered with his blanket from head to toe like a mummy while I settled myself in a little corner. The next thing I knew, Brendo was calling out for us to wake up so we could eat lunch. I combed my hair a little and scurried off to the cottage near the shower room where the other girls were cooking and eating. I sat with Hal and Mark and ate adobo and a little rice.

After eating, I went back to the room and slept. I forgot why I was roused from sleep but I woke up at about 4:00 pm. I took a quick shower, changed into my two-piece swimsuit, my shorts and a white off-shoulder blouse. I stayed with some of my teammates who were drinking alcohol while I slept in the room. Before the dark crept in, I went with Ren, Brian, Will, Stan, Anggueh and Brendo to the private pool to swim. We were having such a nice time before Ren screamed because something was swimming towards her. We found out it was an insect. I jumped out of the way thinking how ironic it was for an insect to swim really well when I couldn't. After about 30 minutes, Ren sneaked into the pool carrying a bottle of Emperador and four cups. They were drinking while I waded around. When I got tired of taking a dip, I scrambled out and stayed with Madz, Chris and Erika in the small cottage. The guys followed and started grilling fish. After about two hours of sitting around in the two-piece and shorts, I went back to the room and showered. I wore dry shorts and my off-shoulder blouse. It was already dark and I found Will hitting a sack on the side of the cottage. Something was squirming inside and being the curious creature that I am, I asked what the thing was. Catfish was the answer I got. Not one but about four of them inside the sack. I felt sick seeing how the thing had to be killed before being cooked. Can't they just die once they get out of the water? Kit told me days after that I was stupid to think that the catfish could die just by being taken out of the water when it could breathe fine in the mud. I felt sick to my stomach and I couldn't even taste the ones that were cooked and were being eaten as pulutan by the others. I was a few steps away from Will when he stood up with the sack in one hand and tried to throw it in my direction. I screamed and ran away from him. I slipped in a puddle and was able to maintain my balance instead of dropping in the muddy water. My feet and right leg were splattered with mud. I felt icky so I went to the shower room to wash off. Since then, everytime Will approached me, I would jump a little or squeal thinking that he was about to throw a catfish at me.

We listened to music from Tippy's mp3 and Chris' laptop the whole time while they chugged down bottles of alcohol. I found out later that they consumed a case of Red Horse, a case of San Mig Light and 10 bottles of Emperador. I sipped mango juice and mineral water and just made up for the lack of excitement by eating the liempo that they kept cutting into small pieces. The food seemed to double in amount the more I ate instead of decrease. We talked, took pictures, gossiped and laughed. Brendo and Kat swam in the pool alone while we stayed in the cottage. A few minutes later, Kat came running because apparently Brendo was stripping his clothes off. The guys ran and Ren followed with a camera. Brendo was already submerged in the pool with his trunks and shorts on. We teased him about disappointing us and we proceeded to go back to the cottage. When I was near the gate, I heard Ren screaming. I saw Will, Brian and Ren silhouetted in the dark. Will was holding Ren and Brian was trying to get the camera from her hands. She was struggling and screaming when Brian triumphantly shouted with glee. The camera was in his hands. Will saw it as a chance to carry her and throw her into the pool. She got out dripping. Her shorts and shirt were drenched. I ran to safety without the guys seeing me to avoid being in the same predicament.

After all the action, everyone settled in the cottage to drink. The guys went to a store near the resort twice to buy ice and more Emperador. We played a game of Truth or Consequence after but it was stopped unexpectedly when Gi started vomiting. A few minutes after with her in Ren's arms, she started bawling like a baby and muttering about Ren 'not giving her away'. She was being promoted as a Senior Agent and it left her distraught. That's how much we love being in the team. Ren's agents do not want to be promoted. They simply would like to stay in the team and if promoted, they ask to be demoted (though it cannot be done as requested). After all the rambling and joking, some went to their rooms. I escaped from my other teammates before they could remind us that we were not supposed to sleep at all. When I was about to cover myself with my blanket beside Anggueh, Ren arrived with a very drunk Gi who was like a distressed kid. She was ushered to the bathroom where Ren poured water on her slowly and massaged her back as she heaved in the toilet bowl. I stayed in the half-open door watching them before Gi pointed near me and screamed that a cockroach was there. I closed the door and Ren shouted for slippers that she could use to squish the cockroach with. I couldn't find anything near me so I removed my flipflops and threw it at her. I was petrified. Gi seemed to have woken up from her drunken stupor after the cockroach incident so she asked to be left alone. Ren asked me to watch over her before going back to the pool. I watched as Gi got out of the bathroom wearing dry clothes and as she crawled into bed. I went back to sleep beside Anggueh before hearing her vomiting in the bathroom again. She told me that she was having a hyperacidity attack. I went to the cottage and found Ren with the others. I told her about Gi but she advised me to let her vomit and then sleep. After Gi felt well enough to sleep, I went back to bed.

I woke up the next day with the sight of a newly-bathed Erika, her head covered in her towel and her cow blanket wrapped around her in bed. I washed my face and hurried out the door only to find Tippy and Madz dripping wet. Madz hugged me and I protested because I didn't want to get soaked. I walked to the cottage where I found Kat packing stuff. I ate a hotdog and rice for breakfast before being shown Erika's scandalous video in Chris' laptop. First she took off her top to show her chest and then she got out of the pool only to go near the laptop to show her butt. We were laughing our heads off with the thought that she did it in broad daylight. I went back to the room after eating to take a bath and pack. After having everything in its proper place, I went to the boys' room where Chris and I took pictures. Owen and Gi arrived after and we took more pictures.

We left the resort before 12:00 in the afternoon. We dropped by Will's house to return the things we borrowed from them. We said our thank yous to his parents and dropped Tippy off a place where she can get transportation home to Malolos. We were a bit annoyed at the owner of the van who is a retired colonel. He had the gall to bring his wife along for a little excursion. All of us couldn't fit into the van so Owen, Brendo and Stan had to commute back to Manila. Bummer.

Even with the slight annoyance and the trouble we had preparing for the team building, we had so much fun. The time I spent with my friends was worth it. Sa uulitin!

2007-08-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

Fun times with Team Bradford

I've been so busy these past few days so I didn't get to write about our team building in Bulacan. It was so much fun. I enjoyed every minute of it. The stories will come soon...

2007-07-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

For Her..

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~Honore de Balzac

The desolation and terror of, for the first time, realizing that the mother can lose you, or you her, and your own abysmal loneliness and helplessness without her. ~Francis Thompson

I could never be like my mother. I don't know where she gets the strength to work her ass off to pay for the bills, my brothers' tuition and other expenses that I can never muster paying alone if I were in her position. My mother keeps our home whole. My brothers would attest to that. We have so much respect for our mother who is far stronger than any man could be. I would be in a limbo if not for her guidance. At the age of 26, I still look back to my mother for advices, for support and even for money. There is always that fear of losing my mother and not knowing what to do with my family. I may be the eldest child but I still have not learned the lessons that my mom probably has a lot of throughout her life. She grew up in the province but she knows far more than I who lived in Manila all her life. She is a simple woman who leaves the house wearing only powder and lipstick. She doesn't have eyeshadow, concealer or any other cosmetic at home and she depends on other people to pluck her eyebrows, but eversince I was a child, she has always been the most beautiful woman I've ever known. I envy her smooth skin which used to be so fair until sun exposure made it brown. Yes, she doesn't know much about beauty regimens than I do but she knows far more valuable things than any woman I know.

My mother and I have never been expressive of our feelings, but I guess she knows how much I love her and how much my brothers appreciate her. Without my mother life would not be as beautiful as it is today. We would never enjoy all the luxuries and comforts we have now. We wouldn't be who we are if not for her guidance.

Happy 49th birthday to the strongest, loveliest woman I know!

My mom and dad in Canyon Woods. The plastic she was holding was filled with the trash I left after eating peanuts. After all these years, she would still pick up after me.

2007-07-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

When Horrible Things Happen

On Wednesday night, Erika told me about the latest rape case she saw in Unang Hirit. It's the closest thing we have to getting wind of current events everyday after work when we're too harried to read newspapers. We usually look at the victims somewhat detached from their emotions. We sort of become mechanical after hearing and seeing a lot. But when you come so close to being violated yourself, you feel anger, fear and revulsion. Much like what they would have felt at those certain points in their lives.

I've experienced being liked by men in their twenties and thirties when I was in the fifth grade, harassed by a weird man when i was in first year high school, stalked when I was in fourth year and other horrible things that would make moms bang their pans right at men's faces. I've always felt anger towards people who dared make passes at me. I never thought that at this age, somebody would still harass me at some point. I can stand stares, catcalls and other lewd comments but this one incident was too much.

I left the house early last Thursday. I vowed to improve on my attendance which I can proudly say I was able to accomplish in the last two weeks. My tummy was acting up but I was determined to make it to work on time so I endured that pain and rode a jeepney to the bus stop. I flagged down an Erjohn and Almark bus which had a handful of passengers. I chose a seat in the middle seeing that there were no other passengers right behind me. I was delighted at the thought of taking a nap without anybody bothering me. I paid for my fare, took out the shimmery orange shawl my mom gave me and covered my chest and arms with it. I didn't mind if the conductor didn't give me my change right away because I was sure he would rouse me from sleep anyway. I slept well until we got to the toll gate. The conductor approached me to apologise about taking so long to give me my change. I told him it was okay and smiled sincerely. I can be nice too you know. I noticed this guy who was sitting across from the guy in front of me. He looked at me. I looked away suddenly feeling irritated. I could see him staring at me so I looked at him and what he was wearing. He had on a uniform like those worn by guys studying to be seamen or something. His pants weren't white like they were supposed to be. What a shame I thought. My lola would be horrified if Gem wore something in that murky shade. I looked away again. I contented myself with staring at the window. Then he asked me for the time just as the bus crossed the intersection in MIA road.

Him: Miss, anong oras na?
Me: 7pm. (in a somewhat snooty tone)
Him: ....Pasay?
Me: Ano? Saan na tayo? (looking baffled and irritated)
Him: Baba tayo sa Pasay?
Me: Ano?!

I felt blood rising up to my head in annoyance. He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his seat and grab me. He was seemingly wiping the skin near his lower lip. I hated the look in his eyes. It didn't look right anymore from my point of view. For the first time since I was in fourth year high school, I felt fear. It was a situation that left me so nervous. He then said the words that made me panic.

Him: May masasakyan ba tayo pag bumaba tayo sa Lawton?

He was different from the others I've encountered before. He wasn't contented with just stripping a girl naked with his eyes. Iba gusto niya gawin. I looked into his eyes and I knew it would be hard for me to fend him off. I wanted to jump right out of my skin. It somehow gave me enough courage to hold onto my stuff. He stood up and gathered his backpack and an instrument wrapped in thick white cardboard. He stood right in my path, in the space left for me to pass through from my seat and the armrest on it. He wanted to shove me into my seat or he wanted to squirm into the really tight space beside me. The man in front was startled by his suddent movements and took to looking at us. It was my chance to stand up, shove the maniac and run for it. The cardboard thingy fell to the floor and he was distracted. He picked it up just as I was pushing my way to a vacant seat in front. I wanted to text Augy but I knew he was asleep. I needed somebody who was near Libertad. I texted Brendo, my ex-seminarian friend and my supervisor, Ren. I told Brendo about the man, where I was and described what he was wearing just in case. I told Ren simply that there was a man harassing me and I felt scared. When the bus stopped in Libertad, I scurried out the door and jumped down the last step feeling a pain in my ankle which I ignored. I saw a bus bound for Ayala and I srambled inside praying that he wouldn't follow me. Everytime I saw somebody in white, I could feel my heart lurching up my throat. I felt myself shaking and I felt like shedding tears of relief. All I wanted to do at that time was go home and tell my mom and lola everything that happened. At 26, I suddenly turned into a little girl who needed a little courage and a bit of assurance that I was going to be okay. I was a bit shaky when I went to Watson's to buy some stuff. My friend, Chris noticed that I wasn't myself. Every one from my team expressed their concern at the thought of me getting harassed or worse being forcibly taken from that bus. I stopped myself from crying when I was talking to Augy on the phone.I can't take the bus ever thinking that I would be safe like before. Maybe that guy wasn't from Cavite. I remembered what a bus driver shouted at a suspicious-looking man he forced to get down from the bus one time on the way home.

Hindi ka taga-rito no? Dito samin pag gumawa ka ng ganyan, di ka lalabas ng buhay.

I usually feel braver when I'm in Cavite at the thought that anybody who touches me or hurts me in any way would be minced meat before he can escape. But that incident made me realize that it won't make things okay for my family if I were abducted or something. I'm the only daughter and I can only imagine my family's grief if anything happened to me so I would stick to my vow of fighting back if necessary or making sure I go home alive. Matira ang matibay. Sabi ko nga eh. Hindi ako ang tatakbo nang walang suot na tsinelas palabas ng Cavite. Never.

Morning after that harrowing incident. Thankful to be safe.

***

On a happier note, Augy and I spent time together today. He bought me a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It made my day. It took away the terrifying memory of that Thursday night. Augy truly knows how to make me happy. That is why I didn't throw a tantrum this time.

Waiting for our pizza at Yellow Cab

2007-07-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Weekend Treats

My brother, Gem and I are Harry Potter fans. We're not like those who only started 'loving' Harry Potter right after the first film came out. Hmp.

One example would be this feeling sosy mom inside a theater in Robinson's Imus. She was sitting behind me and my brothers when we watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I never forgot this scene because I've never encountered such a pretentious person until that time.

When the dragon egg hatched and out came the little dragon, she exclaimed in a loud, haughty voice with matching trying hard American accent...

Oh, oh! It's a pterodactyl!!!

Ummm...we're not watching Jurassic Park, miss.

Gem sniggered and I rolled my eyes. I love doing that. Rolling my eyes at people and sometimes it gets me into trouble. Hehe.

I saw the book review of Harry Potter in Junior Inquirer's Iggy Ipis column years ago. I bought my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in Harrison Plaza when the J.S Vergara buses still had their terminal there. I got so addicted to it that when the second book came out, I snagged a copy after saving my meager allowance. That was before Christmas. Big mistake though because a few weeks after, I saw a wrapped present under the Christmas tree. I held it against the light because it wasn't placed inside a box. Lo and behold! It was a second copy of the book. I didn't want to upset my mom so I begged Kat to buy my first copy. It still looked as good as new. Maingat nga ako sa books eh. When it came time to open the presents, I pretended to be ecstatic upon seeing the book. Hehe. At first, I had to threaten and scold Gem to read Harry Potter until he finally did on his own accord. He was hooked. Both of us haven't seen Spider-man, Superman or even Tranforsmers in the big screen but we've never missed a Harry Potter movie. I had to drag him to SM Dasma last week just to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix because all he wanted to do was study for his exams.

When we got to the mall, we headed to the theater first and was appalled at the number of people lined up outside. There were several queues that I didn't know whether they were for Transformers or Harry Potter. I managed to ask the guard and found out that the kids standing outside were there for the Angel Locsin movie. It was a field trip. I called Kit on the phone because he was still on his way to the mall from school. I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie with us and he said yes. I got us tickets for the 4:50 pm screening. Gem and I walked around the mall. I bought six pink underwear, bath scrubs and flipflops in the department store. We went to the Surplus shop where I saw pretty pink and green boardshorts. But because I am voluptuous and those shorts were made for thin women, they only came up to my thighs when I tried them on. Sayang ang effort.

Kit met up with us outside the store and we proceeded to other shops. Gem bought a bag in Human and Kit found this expensive beautiful shirt in Oxygen. Of course, ate had to pay for it. I promise not to be stingy anymore may it be with my brothers, my parents, lola or Augy. Hahaha.

At 4:00 pm, we decided to buy takeout at Wendy's. I bought bacon cheeseburgers for them, Biggie iced tea, Biggie fries and a cheeseburger for me. Kit bought me a bottle of mineral water from a hotdog stall. After months of not eating burgers, I finally had to give in. I was starving and I couldn't find a fastfood store where I don't have to queue up for minutes. We were in a hurry to find seats because the lady who gave me the tickets warned us that 'all seats were taken'. I shoved my brothers inside the dark, cold theater, handed them the food and went to the washroom. The usher told us that people had to sit by the aisle due to lack of seats. I was ready to endure that when Kit luckily found us three vacant seats. The people who entered before us gave up looking around because of the dark and the large number of moviegoers that they missed those three seats. We entered just in time to see the last scene. Gem looked away and just nibbled on his burger. Kit and I ate fries and talked.

Gem and I took pictures. Kit didn't want to be included in any one of them. Hehe.

I found the movie better than the Prisoner of Azkaban. However, they didn't include some parts about Sirius like the time he went to the train station to say goodbye to Harry and his friends before they rode the Hogwarts Express. He transformed into Padfoot, the big dog and he bounded beside the train. It was heartwarming for me because it was like he didn't want to let go of Harry. He was alone with that horrid elf, Kreacher in 12 Grimmauld Place and he couldn't do anything useful for the Order of the Phoenix. Imagine the despair and the loneliness. They didn't show the part where Sirius gave Harry a mirror that he used to communicate with James, Harry's dad when they were in separate detention rooms. Harry unwrapped it after his death and in his desperation, he tried to look at it in the hopes of talking to Sirius. Of course, Sirius didn't have the other mirror with him when he died so Harry saw nothing.

Another missing emotional part would be Neville Longbottom's determination to learn defensive magic after some Death Eaters including Bellatrix Lestrange escaped from Azkaban. It struck a chord due to the fact that Neville knew that Bellatrix was the one who tortured his parents until they went totally mad. I interpreted it as a son wanting to give his parents the justice they deserve.

The Harry Potter series has turned more emotional than I expected. I specially would love to see Remus Lupin finally getting a job to support himself. I can't bear reading about his shaggy clothes and stuff. Sheer injustice not to have beautiful, comfortable clothes. Well, Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius' niece (because Tonks' mom, Andromeda is his favorite cousin) fell in love with him so I guess it's better than being rich.

I can't buy the last book yet because I'm broke. I'm itching to get a copy by next month. I hope Sirius would have a way of communicating with Harry. I love Sirius as much I love Dumbledore and both of their deaths upset me a lot.

A wonderful part was when Fred and George left Hogwarts. They didn't have all those fireworks though. The two boys made a swamp, got caught and escaped with their brooms right in front of Dolores Umbridge. Super heartwarming talaga ng series na 'to. Masyado akong apektado.

***

My mom's boss gave her a white 1990something Toyota Corolla. Super bait. They moved from their old house in Forbes to a rented house while waiting for the construction of their smaller house in Magallanes Village to be finished. Since, they won't have enough parking space for all their cars, they sold some and gave my mom the other one. I'm learning how to drive! When Gladz texted me to say that I could drive to work once I learn how, I texted back to say that it won't be for work. It will be for road trips. Haha. Ooooh... my brothers are going to learn how to drive too. I can beg Gem to come with me to Alabang Town Center or Tagaytay after.

***

I went to the mall with my parents yesterday. I've been at home for four days that I didn't know whether it was a Saturday or Sunday. I totally forgot about the date after doing nothing for days. I'll be back to work tonight though. Bummer.

***
I've been belly dancing right? I love the two new cds I bought. They've helped a lot when it comes to making me sweat and lose weight.

2007-07-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

Decision, decision

When I think of work, it's mostly about having control over your destiny, as opposed to being at the mercy of what's out there.- Gary Sinise

***

I applied for a slot in PayPal Australia last month because of the morning schedule. I heard nothing for weeks about it until tonight. A guy from that account called and asked me if I was still interested. I said yes and he proceeded to tell me about my interview tomorrow night. After the call, a lightbulb just went up inside my head and something pushed me to change my mind. You know how gut feel is. You just feel that something's not right. So I texted my supervisor, my friends and Augy. I decided in less than ten minutes that I want to stay with my PayPal UK team. Fine, I won't get a morning shift like I always wanted but I realized that I'm doing okay with my team. My stats are doing good. I get a lot of encouragement from my sup. If I want to apply for something, she'll actually send a copy of my resume and recommendation to HR. She has copies of our resumes in her computer files. That's how supportive she is. Even if we want to stay in the team a little longer, we still apply for higher positions just to make her proud. I actually applied for another post early this month. So I let go of having a normal schedule to stay with Team Bradford until I find my place in the sun. My team rocks!

2007-07-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

Heartbreak

What a depressing week. I filed for two vacation leaves more than a month ago for a much-awaited trip to the beach. I shopped for stuff last Saturday before watching the film, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Imagine my excitement about finally going to the sea after three years. I brighten up every time I see summer dresses and swimsuits in shop windows. I couldn't bottle up my excitement. I told my friends that I wouldn't be able to party at Embassy for our team's first anniversary because I would be somewhere in Batangas rolling around in the sand. Everybody was envious of my approved vacation leaves and my weekend at the beach. After so much stress, I knew I deserved a little break. But what's a promise but something more to break. I have to say goodbye to my beach fantasy this weekend. How many more promises to break? How many more false hopes for me? All I did these past few days was cry my heart out. You can slap me in the face or scream at me and I won't even flinch. But breaking my heart this way is just too much. I don't know what to do to release the pent up emotions. I cried buckets of tears already. I moped inside my room. I slept the whole day. I read my Harry Potter book. I cursed. I stuffed myself with food like there's no tomorrow. I still feel awful. I hate having that sickening feeling in the stomach. I feel angry. I feel depressed. I feel sorry for myself. There goes my hope of a wonderful weekend at the beach. And the fat tears start falling.

***

I hate you so much. But I hate myself more for believing you after all those broken promises. I guess you simply enjoy breaking my heart to do it all over again. Don't expect a girl to forgive you all the time like it's the easiest thing to do on earth. I don't need words. I don't need promises. I need actions.

2007-07-08T01:38:00.000-07:00

How OC are you?

I woke up happy today. Dizzy but happy. I've been having these killer headaches lately that the office nurse dismissed as migraine. So forgive me if I haven't been blogging. I can't stay up late during my rest days not unless I slept the whole day. Grabe, dumadami sakit ko.

Yesterday, I retired to bed even before my eyes started drooping because I'll meet Augy at Market! Market!. I was pretty excited to see him plus he'll bring the PS2 I bought for my brothers and the June issue of Marie Claire. The only magazine I collect. I was worried that I wouldn't get a copy because the July issue has come out. When he told me that he found a copy, I was so ecstatic. Just imagine my excitement at the thought of reading it in bed. I usually read it in my room so that I'll have enough space to avoid wrinkling the pages. I am so OC when it comes to my books and magazines. My room looks like a bodega because of my stash. I'm afraid I'm turning into a hoarder. Who cares? I'm happy with the way it is. So back to the Market! Market! episode. I was in Watson's when Augy told me that his boss borrowed my magazine. I almost fainted. I couldn't breathe with the thought that somebody had first dibs on my magazine. I don't want to read a magazine that people already flipped into, wrinkled and folded. Would you like it if somebody got into the crisp pages of your book or magazine before you do? Lupaypay na by the time na basahin ko? Where's the fun in that? Reading a magazine or a book is more than actually absorbing the words. I get a wonderful experience out of imagining how it is to get the book fresh from the publishing house. Parang pandesal fresh from the bakery. Mas masarap pag mainit at mabango di ba? Malamang ayoko singhutin ng iba yun before ko kainin. Ganun din sa reading materials. Ayoko na may daan na ng kamay ng ibang tao before ko basahin. I already got robbed of the enjoyment. Remember what I wrote last April in the 10 weird things about me?

4. I used to smell Nancy Drew books while reading them. I place the books close to my nose and sniff. I'd look at the words I find interesting and read them several times until I feel like I've absorbed them all.

8. I choose the people to whom I will lend my favorite books. I hate crumpled pages, I hate it when somebody opens the books too much to the point that it leaves a damage on the spine. Parang pang display ba books mo? Hehe.

I wanted to raise hell inside the mall. We went to the National Bookstore and Mercury Drug but there were no more copies of the June issue. I wanted to cry. I don't cry in the presence of other people because I don't want to be called a crybaby or be accused of being childish. But today was different. I didn't care anymore. I am not selfish. I am not a brat. Maingat lang ako sa gamit. Ganun kababaw ang kaligayahan ko. Super saya ko na pag nagbabasa ako tapos bagong-bago pa. So Augy went looking for a copy in the mall while I sat near Bossini and YRYS wanting to slaughter people. When he couldn't find one, we went to Glorietta. We found a copy that I later found out has wrinkles and folds in it. Super soft na ng pages. Siguro binasa na ng iba tapos binalot ulit para mabenta pa. I have it in my bedroom under the piles of my other magazines. I don't want to see it because my temper will just flare up. Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, I cried buckets of tears while Gem tinkered with the computer outside and Kit played with the PS2. Augy told me that his boss returned the magazine already. I don't care about it. You probably have this thing about not getting less than what you deserve. Same with me. Ang babaw na nga ng kaligayahan ko tapos pinagkait pa sa akin. Magiging happy ba kayo pag ganun? Okay lang ba sa inyo na inasam-asam niyong magrelax sa Starbucks pagkatapos ng stressful day at naiimagine niyo na humihigop kayo ng kape sa favorite corner niyo sabay dumating ang isang kaibigan niyo na naunang pang tumikim ng kape mo? Oo, friend mo. Pero you got robbed of that beautiful moment whern you can smell the coffee and sip it slowly. Kaya nga masarap tumambay sa Starbucks eh. Kasama sa experience yung mismong place, smell and ambience. Puwede ka namang magtimpla ng Great Taste sa bahay pero ibang experience yun. Puwede naman akong humiram ng magazine sa ibang tao kung gusto ko lang basahin. Iba kasi yung pag-aalaga ng bookworm tapos OC sa reading materials dun sa ordinaryong nagbabasa lang. May pagmamahal at pag-aalaga ang super mahilig sa books. Isipin mo na lang ang reaction ng comic book collector kung nilukot mo ang pinagkakaingatan niyang comic book. Iba kasi pag crisp yung pages, sarap basahin. I have to admit na mainit ang ulo ko ngayon. Ayoko nga maisip ang disappointment kasi naiiyak ako. Kaya ayoko umasa kahit kailan sa iba kasi nahihirapan ako mag-get over sa disappointment. Sigh. Bakit ganun? Ang simple na lang ng kaligayahan ko hirap pa ako makuha. I don't care if people would think I'm a brat. Sila magbasa ng magazine na mukhang trash kung gusto nila. I will never settle for anything less than what I deserve. After all, I think the same way about other people. Kaya nga may Golden Rule.

2007-06-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

From Big Sister to Little Brother

- a testimonial I wrote for Kit a few minutes ago. he's having a tough time right now. two days in college and he has a lot of complaints. since we'll feel awkward with a really serious conversation, i thought of this. what better way to impart advices to a teenager than creating a Friendster testimonial right?

kit and his high school friends (he's the kid standing in the right)

swimming party after graduating from high school (kit's the one swimming in the right)

Stuff you have to remember in order to survive college (and life in general):

1. Don't think that you can't do something. You can do it but you have to work really hard.

2. Studying is not fun. It was NEVER fun but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do your best. Good grades can get you a better job. A better job means more money. More money means you can do anything you want.

3. You will have to endure not being with friends all the time. That doesn't mean life sucks and things can be boring. You will always have time to hang out with each other. You have different goals in life so you have to go your separate ways sometimes. Hello?! Magkita kayo after classes. Baka magkapalit na kayo ng mukha kung pati sa classroom magkasama pa kayo.

4. There will always be an asshole in your classroom, but you don't have to let him get into your nerves. Baka hampas lupa siya sa bahay nila kaya bully siya sa school. Baka wala siyang magandang ate like you. Baka outcast siya nung high school kaya ganyan siya sa college. Isipin mo na lang, someday siya magtitimpla ng kape mo or maglilinis ng sapatos mo. Bumabawi lang siya ngayon habang may panahon. Joke! Retards will always be retards and it pays to not let them get you down. Don't fight with an asshole. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It just means you don't waste time on worthless people. Simple. Pabugbog mo pag labas ng campus. Haha. Joke! Seriously, people like that have insecurities or fears. They just make fun of other people to divert the attention and stop others from noticing.

5.Things will be hard at the start, but once you get to the end, you'll realize that you had fun and you were able to achieve a lot. Being negative won't help. Never feel sorry for yourself or your situation.

6. Always be the best in everything. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. Just think that sufferings won't last forever. You won't be in this country your whole life. You'll get to travel. You'll get to do what you want whenever you want. You'll get to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You won't see our crazy, pathetic next-door neighbors (dun pa lang naeexcite na ako).

7. You'll outgrow DOTA and those online games you play. Naglalaro ka pa ba ng Ragnarok ngayon? Di ba hindi na?! Can you imagine yourself playing that at age 40? Enjoy but don't let it hinder you from doing well in other things. You can always play to reward yourself for getting good grades and stuff. By the time you graduate from college, you'll be interested in other things like cars. Won't it be good if you can afford a car for yourself (and for me)? You can afford more than a car IF you work hard.

8. Don't waste your time. In a few years, you'll look back and realize your mistakes, the things you should have done but didn't do and the opportunities that you let go. You'll regret not listening to our parents and the grownups around you. Who should know better than those who work their asses off just to pay for your tuition? Do you kids think it's easy to commute to work everyday, to lose sleep over work, bills and stuff? Akala niyo ba fun ang magtiis sa traffic sa Aguinaldo Highway and Coastal Road everyday or magwork sa ibang bansa just to give you the luxuries you enjoy? I know cause I work everyday of my life from the time I graduated from college. When you're tired from working and you feel like your salary is not enough, you'll regret not working hard enough in school and not landing a better job. Madadagdagan pa lahat ng reklamo niyo ngayon.

9. Respect the people around you. Respect yourself. You don't earn respect by making others feel inferior. You earn respect by treating others fairly and doing good. People won't forget how you made them feel. Someday, the classmate you've been nice to at one time may be the answer to your woes after you've even forgotten about your good deed. Good karma.

10. Hold on to your values, faith, good memories, the lessons learned, and the relationships formed throughout the years. Never abandon old friends because they know you best. They were there when you didn't have money and you didn't look that good. You can't trade your family for a different one. You can go from broke to a millionaire someday and you will still have the same mom, same dad, same sister, same brother. Cherish your loved ones because you'll never know when they'll be gone. We all grow feeble and old. Don't forget to pray. You'll learn that in tight spots, you'll always call on to God.

11. Enjoy your life. Live life like it's your last day on earth. Make the most of it. You can only go through it once. You can't get a remote control and push rewind, pause, fast forward when you feel like it. You can't delete mistakes, bad decisions, and painful or embarrassing experiences like a Friendster comment. You have to think a hundred times before making decisions. You have to watch what you say and do to avoid hurting others and getting yourself into trouble. Don't be lazy. Don't create any situations or get into problems that you might regret someday. There is always a time for everything. A time to play and a time to study. There will be a time to work and you have to prepare for it. Learn from other people's mistakes. That includes your parents' mistakes. Learn to appreciate the efforts that other people exert in order to make you happy or to make things in this world easy for you.

12. Know that you are blessed and you are loved beyond your imagination. There could only be one you. No matter how many sermons you get or how many times you get shouted at, know that you are loved. We believe in what you can achieve and we always think of what's good for you. I still think that among the three of us, you have the guts to succeed. Si Gem ang smartest, ikaw ang pinakamaabilidad...at ako...ako ang pinakagoodlooking. =)

2007-06-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hiatus

I woke up early yesterday afternoon to eat an early dinner (at 3:00 pm), take a bath and prepare for work. After an hour of primping in front of the mirror, I took off my bathrobe and changed into my gray top and a pair of black slacks. I was mighty proud of myself for being up early because I had to be in the office an hour before my shift. That's what I thought. After smearing moisturizer on my face, I felt a twinge of pain in my tummy. Everytime I tried to move, the pain intensified. There goes my gastritis again. I had to text my mom to buy me those Ranitidine tablets. I changed into my shirt and shorts and went to bed. I ended up taking a nap until 8:00 pm. I sent a message to my supervisor apologizing for being absent. When the pain subsided, I felt drowsy so I stayed in bed instead of watching television with my brothers. My lola had a grand time giving me a sermon about my eating habits. I now have no license to go on a diet. Welcome the plump me.

When I woke up today, I took to eating two pieces of pandesal smothered in Dari Creme. I winced as I took little bites. I can't complain about gaining weight now. Weight gain or extreme pain?

Since I felt a little pain after, I also ate noodles to warm my tummy. I just have to accept that I can never be as thin as some people. Hello, Pearl? Do you think your hips were made for thin girls?! Nope. So I'll be a little fleshy here and there forever.

***

I feel a little sad. Today my brothers will go to the university for the start of the SY 2007-2008.

the couch potatoes are going back to school!

Gem left at past 7:00 am wearing his immaculate white uniform.

Kit is now taking a bath because it's his first day in college. He opened the door a few minutes ago and shouted at me.

Ate, may bagong team daw sa UAAP!!!

AMA University Fighting Cocks!

He was just kidding of course.

Was he?

2007-06-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

Road to Anorexia

"I'd rather be a few pounds heavier and enjoy life than be worried all the time." -Drew Barrymore

I should put this into heart really before I drive myself crazy or worse kill myself with malnutrition. Apples are nutritious because they're

full of fiber and they won't make one fat, but after a few months of biting and munching on them twice daily, they end up tasting like cardboard. Not that I've tried chewing on cardboard like that anorexic girl who stuffed herself with pieces of paper. I just feel guilty eating large amounts of food. I don't remember when I've last eaten a burger. What a pity. The only thing I subject myself to is an order of large fries from McDonald's once or twice a week. I eat a few tablepoons of rice daily- enough to please my lola. Gem said I got my gastritis from my pathetic diet. Sheer torture. When I order beef siomai from Chowking, I drizzle soy sauce on it and squeeze the calamansi then sniff on the chili sauce. Yes, I sniff a lot because I can't eat it anymore. Sniffing is the closest thing to tasting it. I love spicy food. I can live in India or Bicol. I will just have to endure pain if I want to risk it.

So what's with dieting anyway? I guess it doesn't have to do with self-esteem. I have no problems with that. I just have this fear of gaining weight because of all the pains I've gone through to lose some bits here and there. The worst part is I love eating. I indulge now and then. When I'm with Augy, I eat anything. I treat myself to a cup of rice, sisig, chocolate cream frappe, ice cream and whatever I can get my hands into. Yesterday, I had fresh lumpia for lunch at Max's. I was happy ang sluggish after the meal. Last week, I ate cake, lasagna and carbonara. My birthday gave me license to chew and chew and chew. If only I don't gain weight like some people then I could eat as much as I want. If only I listened to my lola when I was a kid to eat a lot, eat as much as I wanted. I would have stuffed my face with pasta, sweets, rice and lots of meat until my tummy hurt. This must be punishment for being stubborn years ago. Yes, lola. You were right. Sigh.

2007-06-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

A Little Jolt!

26 now.

How was my birthday? It was unforgettable. Thanks to my account. I've been feeling depressed a few days before my special day and I was holding on to the thought of going on leave. It was the only thing that kept me sane all throughout the week. I filed for my three-day leave two weeks before May 29 as it was the rule. On the day itself, I felt like all my burdens went poof. After all in a few hours, I'd be munching on food and celebrating my birthday.

Even before midnight struck, my friends already greeted me through webmail. I was feeling a bit down though. I felt like something is not going well in my little world. I was having a little premonition. I could feel it in my bones. I didn't go to Quick Stomach with Owen, Erika and Anggueh. I stayed outside McDonald's with Ben and Arcie. I munched on fries though I promised to keep my hands off them. So much for the diet. I was feeling depressed and I considered that as my comfort food. When we got back to work after our meal, I still had that heavy feeling. At 2:00 am, my supervisor came up to me and informed me that our Recording Agents are now being allowed to put UPTO segments in our schedule for leaves, BUT they need to send it to the Dublin office for approval. What they did was they cancelled all the leaves scheduled from May 29 onwards. Instead of applying the new policy to the leaves filed on May 29 onwards, they cancelled everything regardless whether they were filed months or weeks before. Bottomline: my leaves were cancelled and I was informed at 2:00 am on May 29. On my blasted birthday. My supervisor even told me: "Pearl, may pang birthday ako sa iyo." Perfect.

I was teary-eyed during the rest of my shift. Erika asked me to help her with the light blue sash for the account's General Assembly. I tried to concentrate on squishing glue on the sash and sprinkling glitters on it. I mustered enough strength to stop my tears from flowing. Brendo who was sitting beside me asked why I looked like I was about to cry. I denied it of course, but I logged out for a few minutes to go to my locker so I could text Augy and Iryn. We were informed that we will have a meeting with the RAs so they could explain the new policy. I wanted to crush somebody's head into smithereens. For crying out loud, they ruined my birthday and they had the gall to schedule a meeting on the same date. I would have understood if they told me about the cancellation two days or even a day before my birthday. I would have a few hours to pull my emotions through. I would have had enough time to cheer myself up, think of happy thoughts and just look forward to Friday. I hate broken promises, but I hate false hopes too. It's number two on my list. Unreasonable, Inconsiderate, Unfair, Pathetic.

Before logging out, we were advised by our supervisor to stay for a few minutes so she could talk to us. No meeting with the RAs, but she needed to discuss something. She said the same thing to my teammates. I was in a daze while my other friends were protesting. Anggueh declared that she will be absent if her leaves would get cancelled too. I was sitting there quiet and crestfallen. When the meeting ended, I was one of the first to go. Erika followed behind and I heard her whisper to me about being absent. "Don't let them ruin your day, gurl. I'd go on a sick leave if I were you. Look at me, I went on half-day on my birthday." Her words resonated through my mind while I walked out of the office. Owen approached me to say that he was sorry about what happened. I smiled weakly and just left with Erika and Anggueh. Anggueh told me that she felt for me while we were walking to the bus stop and I wanted to bawl in the middle of the street. I kept mum until we were in Aguinaldo Highway. I received a message from Iryn and I felt the tears flowing while I pressed on my keys to answer her message. I sniffled and wiped my eyes while Anggueh quietly sat beside me. She didn't look at me when she bade me goodbye. Maybe because she understood that I needed time alone to mourn my ruined birthday.

When I got home, I saw my lola in the yard cleaning. First thing that she asked me was if I had work that night because my mom left some money so I could order food from Pizza Hut. My mom never did that. Usually my dad would cook on the weekend after my birthday. (Well, they did on my 18th birthday, but it was because it was on a weekend). He'd prepare pasta, pancit canton and a dessert. They would buy a cake for me too. The thought that my mom decided to celebrate my birthday on the day itself tugged at my heart. I ended up sobbing in my room for 30 minutes oblivious to my lola outside or my brothers sleeping in their room. My chest hurt because I couldn't believe that I was depressed again on my birthday. In May 2004, I felt like I wanted to die even if my Dell Ecare friends prepared a Powerpoint presentation for me that kept flashing on the overhead projector until we went home. Everything changed when I was in Xbox and Augy and I were together. I had wonderful birthdays in two years. Until a few days ago. Thanks to Dublin. If they think their barbecue parties are special, well, so is my birthday!

Augy told me to stay home. I watched the Miss Universe pageant and slept the whole afternoon. I had dysmenorrhea when I woke up so I had a reason to go to the doctor and ask for a medical certificate. I didn't fully appreciate gastritis and dysmenorrhea until that day. I was on sick leave for two beautiful days. I was so sick of those insensitive people that I couldn't stand going to work.

When my lola and I got home, Pizza Hut already delivered our Family Sausage-stuffed crust Bacon Cheeseburger pizza, Pepsi and our free Hawaiian Pan Pizza. My lola also asked Kit to buy lechon manok for dinner. It was a delightful birthday for me in the end. Because sweet, gorgeous, downtrodden princesses get happily-ever-afters!

This afternoon, I went to the mall with my parents, lola and Gem. I bought a choco mocha crunch cake from Red Ribbon for myself. I forgot to ask for a candle. The last time I blew one was on my 11th birthday. I would have wanted to relive the moment on my 26th birthday. Aargh! I'm 26 now!

Another blessing is the carbonara my dad's going to cook for us tomorrow. Hurrah! What's a diet?

***

Even if my birthday turned out okay, hindi ako nakakalimot. Sa susunod na barbecue party, kayo naman ang iiyak.

***

I want to thank everyone who greeted me. I was in tears when I read the messages, but I felt happy because my friends didn't forget. They were tears of joy.

***

Why was I down in the dumps? Why was I so affected by what happened? It was because Augy and I didn't get to celebrate our anniversary and it looks like we wouldn't get to celebrate the two occasions until next Friday. At least I have some things to look forward to.

2007-05-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

*Sniffle*

is it possible to be depressed a day before your birthday? maybe. all i know is that i'm stuffing my face with nagaraya garlic cracker nuts now. i'm supposed to be on a diet. i even managed to eat an apple for breakfast (i want to puke at the sight of apples, really) after belly dancing. something to pick up my sagging mood. i just can't help feeling sad. the kind that makes me want to stop in the middle of the street and bawl. i'm going bonkers. hormones? dunno. how can i feel like this today?!

2007-05-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

WHAT makes us discontented with OUR condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others.

-french proverb

this quote hits the spot. something to ponder on, something to absorb and definitely something to remember at the most trying, miserable times in one's life.

2007-05-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Billions of Bilious Blue Blistering Barnacles

The Adventures of Tintin (Les Aventures de Tintin)

This is what I want for my birthday and all other upcoming occasions this year. I'm planning to collect this comic book series by Herge (Georges Remi). My teammate, Mark Allen and I talked about it through webmail a few nights ago. My friends and I enjoyed reading about Tintin's adventures back in grade school. I sent a message to Giselle asking whether there are bookstores still seling the comic books. She told me to check in the National Bookstore branches. I am so thrilled. I remember watching the show in GMA 7 years ago. The music would send me scurrying to the living room and the few episodes I was able to watch enthralled me. Too bad, they stopped showing it.

I can't find my copy of Tintin in Tibet. It was given by a grade school friend and I don't know where it is now. I've been looking for it since it entered my mind. I discarded it a few years back after getting over my obsession. How will I know that it will resurrect?! My dad may have sent it to Mindoro along with some magazines and newspapers. Bummer. My one and only copy gone. I have to start from scratch. I used Harry Potter to force/convince/wheedle Gem to read. The Adventures of Tintin may do a little magic for Kit.

I wanted to have a life similar to Tintin's when I was a kid. I wanted to be a journalist so I can go off to these wonderful, exciting adventures in beautiful places like Egypt and Africa. I gravitated towards mysteries as a child with Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, and Bobbsey Twins. Tintin was the only comic book series I read apart from the Chinese comic books my friends lent me. At 25 (turning 26), it's nice to look back and feel how it is to be a worry-free kid again.

Tintin and Snowy

A page from Tintin in Tibet

2007-05-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

I Wish

Tick tock, tick tock. It's the clock ticking. A few more days before my birthday and I'm getting this I'm-a-good-for-nothing-twenty-five-year-old mode. It happens all the time before my birthday comes up. I end up looking back on all the years, the things that I've done, the things I didn't do and the things I could have done but didn't. There are some regrets but there are some things that turned into blessings in disguise for me. With how my life is going, I sometimes bemoan the rut I am in. But as I've told my friend, Brendo, we should be thankful for a lot of things even our boring, so-so jobs. Some people have degrading, yucky jobs but they still find a reason to smile each day. I should stick that into my little head.

Inspite of the lack of this and that in my life, I am more blessed than others. Why do I always have this feeling that nothing goes right in my life while everyone else's is going great? I should have an idea of what I want in my life by now right? I wish.

Since I'm feeling extra blue, let me just wrack my brains for positive things. Like today is a Friday and I don't have work tonight. My brothers will soon wake up and we can watch movies together. Tomorrow's a Saturday and I will meet Augy to celebrate our second anniversary. I am alive and whole. No twisted body parts. A head of thick, unruly hair. Bitchy smile still on my face. Happy family. Enough apples in the fridge to support my weight loss program. What a blessing.

2007-05-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

24 months. pizza company. starbucks. burgoo. shopping. malling. talking. laughing. yellow cab. serendra. market! market!. phone calls. friendster. text messages. tears. fights. friends. tantrums. temper. holidays. gerry's grill. chocolate ice cream. inihaw na manok. adobo flakes. heaven n' eggs. thoughts. dreams. ambitions. frustrations. pains. fulfillment. memories. family. love. journey.

2007-05-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

Post Vacation Leave

I super enjoyed my two-day vacation leave plus my two-day off. It felt wonderful to wake up in the morning and mope around the house the whole day. I had my butt glued to the couch from morning until early noon. After eating lunch with my lola and Kit, I would usually take naps. Naps that would last until dinner time. The only thing I worried about is if I can wake up in time for Hana Yori Dango. Haha. Babaw.

Imagine sitting at home the whole time doing nothing, thinking of nothing but what to eat the next. I didn't even have to take a bath until after dinner. That explains why I look bedraggled in my picture with Lupin. I would put my hair up in a ponytail, wash my face and roll around. If I got tired of watching television and checking my Friendster account for the nth time, I would snooze every two hours. Lazybone. Sarap ng tambay.

Reality check. Back to work tomorrow. I am so exhausted after spending time in Market! Market! the whole day. I need a goodnight's sleep to prep myself up for eight hours of work tomorrow. Lots of stories to tell but no energy to do so. Soon.

2007-05-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

Home

Tuwing pinapasulat ako sa autograph book(usually si Dianne kasi siya may autograph collection) noong bata pa ako, nilalagay ko sa ambition: to be a flight stewardess. Marunong na ako magspelling noon kasi obsessed nga ako sa words saka ayoko na may maling mababasa ang ibang tao sa mga sinulat ko. Probinsiyana kasi ako kaya gusto ko matutunan lahat sa English. Spelling, grammar... Arte ko di ba? Sabi ng iba bakit daw gusto ko maging flight stewardess eh utusan sa airplanes yun? Gusto ko kasi magtravel. Noong bata pa kasi ako sa probinsiya, tumititig ako sa mga bundok at iniisip ko kung ano kaya nasa likod ng mga iyon. Kapag magdidilim na iniisip ko kung may mga tao rin bang naghahanda ng hapunan sa kabilang side ng bundok. May mga ilaw din kaya silang binubuksan? Kuryente ba katulad sa bahay namin sa bayan o gasera katulad sa bahay namin sa uma (farm)?

Ang Mt. Igcoron. Isa sa mga bundok na tinitingnan ko araw-araw

Pagkatapos ng hapunan, pinapayagan ako manood ng mga lolo't lola ko ng mga pelikula ni Fernando Poe Jr. sa bodega ng kamag-anak namin. Nakaupo kaming mga bata sa mga bangko tapos naghihintay na ilagay ang betamax tape. Doon umiikot ang mga gabi ko. Kung hindi sa betamax tapes, sa radio. Parang ang simple at ang liit ng mundo ko. Yung parang napapanood sa Tagalog movies. Kuntento na ako sa mga ginagawa ko pero yung imagination ko tumatakbo. Hindi ko maalala lahat ng kuwento sa mga pelikula ni FPJ pero pinasaya niya ang maraming gabi ng aking pagkabata. Kaya siguro kampi ako sa Genuine Opposition ngayon. Haha.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit naisip ko bigla ang Antique. Noong isang gabi naman Iloilo kasi yung tinutulungan na Binon-an (Batad) Elementary School ni Nel sa Pinoy Big Brother, school sa town ng dad ko. Habang nakasakay ako sa bus at tinatahak ang Aguinaldo Highway noong isang umaga, naiisip ko yung tanghaling tapat na tumatakbo-takbo ako sa taniman ng mga gulay ng lola ko at hinahaplos-haplos ang mga kamatis, hinihipo ang mga sitaw at pinagnanasaan na pitasin ang mga talong. Bigla ko rin naalala na ako ang sumisilip sa pagitan ng sahig sa bahay namin sa uma para tingnan kung nangitlog na yung mga manok sa silong. Probinsiyang-probinsiya talaga. Tuwing malapit na ang birthday ko, lagi ko na lang naaalala ang Valderrama. Tuwing tanghali, naiimagine ko yung nakikita kong usok sa likod ng mga palayan, ng mga puno galing sa ibang bahay. Nagluluto na ng tanghalian. Minsan hinahanap-hanap ko yun sa Cavite. Kaya nga kapag umaga tapos pauwi ako naeexcite ako kapag naririnig ko yung huni ng ibon na katulad nang naririnig ko sa Antique kapag naglalakad kami ng lola ko papunta sa uma. Hindi biro maglakad dahil sa layo pero nakakatuwa at hindi ko napapansin yung hirap sa pag-akyat ng bundok. Siguro kasi nagkukuwento lola ko tungkol sa mga panahon na nagtatago sila sa mga sundalong Hapon. Tinitingnan ko lahat ng mga puno, mga liblib na lugar tapos naiisip ko kung paano nagtago yung mga tao noon. Dati kaya ko pa umakyat ng bundok pero ngayon kaunting ikot lang sa mall, masakit na paa ko. Haaay... Naalala ko yung mga panahon na sinasawsaw ko mga paa ko sa maliliit na sapa na nadadaanan namin, sa mababatong ilog pati sa mga irrigation canals. Natatagalan kami sa paglalakad kasi nakatitig lang ako sa tubig habang umaagos. Minsan sa sapa sa tabi ng dating bahay namin sa uma, naglalagay ako ng mga tuyong dahon galing sa mga kawayan tapos iniimagine ko na mga bangka. Hahabulin ko tapos tumatalon-talon pa ako. Siyempre maliit pa ako nun kaya yung hanggang tuhod na tubig ngayon, malalim na sa akin.

Isang beses, naliligo ako sa sapa. Bigla may lumutang na ahas. Siyempre tumalon ako sa takot. Patay na pala. Kaya naman ngayon may phobia na ako sa ahas eh. Gustong-gusto ko marinig yung tunog ng kawayan kapag mahangin. Gusto ko makaramdam ng init ng araw. Hindi yung mala-skin cancer na init kundi yung parang sunlight sa Cali Shandy commercial dati. Yung auntie ko si Auntie Bebeng (Analyn) na mommy ni Quincy kasama ko pa dati kasi ilang years lang naman gap namin. Hinihintay ko siya matapos mamitas ng lumboy na tinatawag na duhat sa Tagalog. Kaya siguro sobrang bumabawi si Quin sa akin ngayon kasi sakit ako sa ulo ng auntie ko noon. Dahil wala naman kaming perang pambili ng manika, ginawan niya ako mula sa mais. Yung mga mais na may mga hibla-hibla, ginagawa naming buhok kunyari. Siyempre wala na akong manika kapag niluto na. Kaya noong pumunta kami sa palengke isang araw, binilhan ako ng manika ni Nanay Mameng. Glory Ann name niya. Tapos pumipikit-pikit yung mga mata. Nilalaro ko si Glory Ann habang kumakain ng cheese curls na may iba't-ibang kulay. Yung mga cheap junk food na nabibili sa palengke malapit sa town plaza kapag market day. Nagbebenta kasi ng tabako si Lola Sario (nanay ng mom ko) kaya ako bilang nag-iisang apo ang pinapasyal doon.

Si Auntie Bebeng niyaya ako maglaro ng bahay-bahayan sa labas ng bahay namin noon. Malilim kasi madaming puno kasama na yung lilim galing sa star apple ng kamag-anak namin sa kabilang bahay. Yung kumot, ginawa niyang tent dati tapos may lutuan pa kami. Gumagawa siya ng apoy tapos nagluluto ng sapsap. Paborito namin yun hanggang ngayon. Ang sarap. Sobrang enjoy. Sana nga nagagawa namin ni Quin yun ngayon. Kaya lang delikado kasi baka masunog niya kaming dalawa sa kakulitan niya.

Ang hindi na siguro makakalimutan ng auntie ko ay yung takot ko sa flash ng camera. Lahat ng pictorials namin dati, iniiyakan ko. Ang cute pa ng mga damit ko noon. Babaeng-babae kasi magaling magtahi ang Lola Nene ko. May damit akong may ruffles, may polka dots. Tapos naka-pearl necklace ako at bracelet. Parang Jackie Onassis sa elegance. Yun nga lang magang-maga lagi mga mata ko tapos halos mawalan ng circulation ng dugo yung wrist ni Auntie sa sobrang higpit ng hawak ko. Feeling ko pagflash ng camera, may kasamang bala. Nasobrahan sa FPJ movies eh. Pero ngayon kahit magulo ang buhok o kaya bagong gising, picture agad gamit ang camera phone. Pag nascan ko na mag pictures ko, ilalagay ko dito. Ugly duckling ako dati. Ayoko na idescribe kasi indescribable din naman talaga. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Sabihin na nating walang nakadisplay na childhood pictures ko sa bahay.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit sobrang emotional nanaman ako lately. Pinagtitiyagaan ko nga tingnan yung ilog sa Salitran. Miss ko na siguro sobra ang Antique. Doon ako naging pinakamasaya. 1998 pa ako huling nakapunta doon. Bago mag-elections. Hindi pa ako puwede bumoto noon. Gusto ko ng simpleng buhay. Hanggang ngayon, gusto ko pa rin maging flight attendant para makapunta ng Italy, France, Greece at Egypt. Pero sa totoo lang, iba yung desire ko na makabalik ng Antique kaysa makapunta sa ibang bansa. Gusto ko maglakad paakyat ng bundok, tumawid at maligo sa ilog. Gusto ko makarinig ng mga taong nagsasalita ng Bisaya, makaamoy ng alat ng dagat, ng usok kapag nagsisiga sa bakuran tuwing umaga at saka ng nilulutong ulam ng kapitbahay. Patay na yung ibang matatandang kamag-anak namin. May paborito akong bilihan ng bibingka at puto dati. Sa pagkahumaling ko sa bibingka na ginagawa niya, naalala ko pa kung saan siya nakatira kahit matagal na ako nakatira sa Manila. Noong elementary ako, dinala ko si Nanay Mameng doon isang umaga para bumili. Dumungaw sa bintana yung anak nung matanda. Matagal na daw pumanaw yung magaling gumawa ng bibingka. Isipin mo na lang ang lungkot ko. Halos ilang taon din hinanap-hanap ng tastebuds ko ang lasa ng bibingka niya. Hanggang ngayon , wala pa rin akong natitikman na ganun.

Iba kasi ang memory ko pagdating sa mga bagay noong bata pa ako. Kahit amoy o lasa nakakapagpaalala sakin ng magagandang bagay sa nakaraan ko. Kahit amoy ng bagong bungkal na lupa at damo, nakakapagpaexcite sa akin.
Naalala ko dati, yung kamag-anak namin nagtanggal ng mga uod sa garden nila. Earthworms yata yun. Ang dami sobra. Hindi ako makalapit. Isang panibagong phobia. Tapos may puno kami sa tabi ng gate. Puro higad. Mga higad na tibuan ng mga sanga dahil punung-puno lahat ng parte na makita ko. Wala kaming magawa kundi sunugin yung buong puno kasi nakakaawa yung mga bisita na nilalaglagan na lang bigla. Haha! Saka halos hindi ako makalabas ng bahay dahil doon. Alangan naman umilag ako every second para hindi madapuan ng higad. At dahil wala pa akong weight problem noon at boyish pa ako, ang galing ko umakyat ng puno. May puno ng aratiles sa uma. Lagi ako nandoon. Malapit doon yung bamboo pole ng kontrabidang pet monkey namin na sinabunutan ako one time. Ang sarap ng pagkaupo ko. Nakikita ko yung palayan, mga puno at bundok at sobrang mahangin. Para akong dinuduyan. Ang lambot pa ng hawak kong sanga. Todo hipo ako. Pagtingin ko higad pala. Napatalon ako pababa. Buti hindi ako nangati. Dagdag phobia.

Kapag semana santa naman, kasama ko ang mga auntie at uncle ko. Bagets pa sila noon. Nagsisimba kami pag hapon. May pink rosary pa nga ako eh. Kaya lang hindi ko na alam kung saan na ngayon. Ang daming teenagers sa paligid ko. Feeling baby tuloy ako na hatak-hatak ng mga auntie ko. May mga prusisyon pa. Yung isang batang babae doon na Dutch, bida sa lahat ng angels kasi ang ganda niya. Blonde eh. Dahil Protestant ang parents ko, hindi pumayag lola ko sumali ako sa salubong. Gusto ko din magsuot ng wings at white dress pero ano naman magagawa ko kung hindi puede? Hmp. Saka ang itim ko noon. Hindi kaya ako mukhang angel. Noon pa man, hindi na ako mala-anghel.

Ang daming memories. Isa sa paborito ko yung sinasama ako ng lola ko kapag naglalaba siya sa malaking ilog malapit sa bahay namin sa bayan. Naliligo ako kasama nila Lotlot, yung anak ng kamag-anak namin na pinakain ko ng Tarzan bubblegum at may alagang aso na sinampal ko. May parte na malalim tapos ang lakas ng agos kaya sa gilid lang ako doon sa may malalaking bato. Sa uma naman, may malaking ilog din. Parang pang whitewater rafting sa lakas ng agos. Pero si Lola Sario, kaya lumusong dun. May dala-dala siyang panghuli ng maliliit na hipon. Sarap pang-ulam. Niluluto naman sa kamalig sa gitna ng palayan. Kapag nagpapagiling naman ng mga asukal galing sa tubo, tumatambay ako sa gilingan ng kamag-anak namin. Ginagawan ako ng lolo ko ng kalamay na puti na hugis ibon. Natutunaw sa dila ko. Smooth. Parang M&M chocolates. Kumakagat din ako ng tubo kahit mahirap at matigas. Ang sarap. Ang init-init pero masaya kasi madaming tao tapos minsan ako lang yung bata.

Wala pa ako dati ng mga luho na meron ako ngayon. Oo, spoiled ako pero kumakain ako ng kanin na binilog-bilog ng lola ko tapos sinasawsaw sa bagoong. Sobra ako sa pagmamahal pero hindi sa materyal na bagay.

Lahat parang adventure. Naranasan ko na nga yung bumagyo ng malakas at lumusong kami pauwi sa bayan sakay ng jeep. Lumakas yung agos at halos pasukin na ng tubig yung sasakyan. Hindi ko na maalala kung paano kami nakaalis doon pero feeling ko fun yun kahit delikado. Isang beses naman, naiwan kami ni Nanay Mameng sa bayan kasama ni Apoy, yung great-grandmother ko. May sakit si Apoy tapos may bagyo pa. Nagluluto ng bigas si Nanay Mameng. Sa lakas ng bagyo, nasira yung bubong at yung kanin namin naging lugaw na. Nilagyan ng lola ko ng asin saka pinakain sa akin. Sarap.

Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan lahat. Doon ako nanggaling at doon ko balak bumalik. Malapit na ako maging 26 pero hindi pa rin ako nagbabago. Umiikot pa rin ang mundo ko sa Valderrama. Oo, gusto ko pa rin magbiyahe. Pero ngayon ang gusto ko puntahan, hindi Hong Kong, hindi Amerika kundi Antique. Natatawa na nga lang ako sa ibang tao kapag iniisip nila na sosyal ako. Nakakatawa kapag iniisip nila na maarte ako. Hindi nila alam, iba namin kasi si Pempem kay Reapearl. Sa bahay, mas gusto ko magsalita ng Bisaya at amoy pa lang ng sapsap o daing, heaven na. Haha!

Town Plaza. Dito ako unang nakakain ng cotton candy. Ilang plastic yata naubos ko sa katakawan. May malaking event noon at pumunta kami ng lola ko. May dala siyang pera kaya nakakain ako ng ilang plastic ng cotton candy.

Sobrang laking ilog papasok ng town. Hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin ang ilog na yan. Wala pa akong nakikitang kasing ganda.

Ang ganda sobra.

Isa sa mga sapa sa uma. Tuwing summer tuyo hanggang end of May kasi simula na ng tag-ulan. Isipin niyo na lang noong bata ako tumatampisaw ako diyan. Hehe.

Salamat kay Nat Pagayonan para sa pictures ng Valderrama. Nakuha ko lahat sa website niya: http://www.pbase.com/explorer/

2007-05-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Wala lang

It's a beautiful Sunday morning. Not even the thought of work tonight or my sudden weight gain can dampen my mood. My mom announced during breakfast that she'll order pizza from Pizza Hut. There goes my diet. I swore yesterday that I'll stop stuffing myself with food.

I ate lunch with Augy at Gerry's Grill yesterday. I gave in to temptation and ate half a cup of garlic rice, inihaw na manok and adobo shreds. Yummy. I quenched my thirst by sipping my bottomless sago't gulaman. That was refreshing. I didn't even feel guilty. I had the resolve to push away the reality of my five-pound weight gain until today. Today will be tomorrow. I am going to eat pizza this afternoon. I can't wait! There are two packs of crunchy and salty chicharon in the kitchen. My self-control was intact with that one.

My last indulgence was the classic chocolate cake from Starbucks that Augy bought for me last night. He ordered his Venti mango juice and sausage roll. Life is sweet. We may not have enough money but there's always an abundance of good food. When our tummies are full, we feel like a million bucks.

my former caffeine addict self

Hello, fruit juice!

Augy digging into his sausage roll

in a contemplative mood

***
We have a new pet puppy, Lupin. Guess where my dad got the name? Haha. He's an absolute darling.

Lupin loves sitting on my lap

***
I bought two tops yesterday! Two more reasons to lose the extra pounds.

***

Kit said he enjoyed Spiderman 3. Gem and I are waiting for Harry Potter.

2007-04-29T01:43:00.000-07:00

Prayers please.

We need prayers not because we're in trouble or because we have a major dilemma. It's for a life-changing blessing we are hoping, wishing and praying to get for Augy. I'm going to keep mum about it because I don't want to jinx anything. I'm not highly superstitious but I'd rather just have my fervent wish known to God and His angels first then if it comes true then I'd definitely divulge it to friends. So kung sinong malakas kay God, please help me pray, pray, pray... It won't just make life better for us but for others as well.

2007-04-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

10 Things Are Not Enough =P

Judie tagged me!

INSTRUCTIONS: A person who gets tagged must write in his or her blog ten weird things or habits or little known facts about himself or herself. He or she should also state this rule clearly. At the end, he or she should tag six other people, except the one who tagged him or her.

1. I throw a tantrum if somebody uses my old rose-colored Powerpuff mug. It's a known rule in the house that I don't want anybody else drinking from THAT one mug.

2. I roll my eyes when I'm annoyed at somebody or making fun of somebody I don't know may it be in a public utility vehicle or at the mall.

3. I step on people's feet (not just toes) when they shove or push me in the MRT when I'm about to go out the door so they can enter. Gusto niyo masaktan eh!

5. I don't like guests- not even relatives staying so long in our house.

6. I don't like other people using the pillows I place under my head. In our old apartment, I remind my friends not to let anybody else use my pillows no matter what happens. I wrap them in large plastic bags before leaving for Cavite.

7. I love taking pictures of myself everywhere when I feel pretty. At the mall, in restaurants, in fastfoods, in Starbucks. I don't care if the people I am with would get self-conscious or whatever. I have the need to capture the moment.

8. I choose the people to whom I will lend my favorite books. I hate crumpled pages, I hate it when somebody opens the books too much to the point that it leaves a damage on the spine. Parang pang display ba books mo? Hehe.

9. I have this strict rule about sharing stuff even food at home. For example, I make sure that everybody gets to eat the same number of chocolate bars or candies.

10. I correct Kit when he mispronounces words or talks in a manner I disapprove of. (Kit, wala ka sa kanto. Ulitin mo sinabi mo.)

I tag Kat, Bratty Brown Cow and Vayie!

2007-04-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

Heartbreak

I love GMA 7's campaign for voting wisely. I love the commercials because they break my heart everytime. I have to stifle my sobs. They hit close to home. That of the barrio doctor who had to take up Nursing and work abroad far away from his family in the Philippines, the lola whose grandson got jailed after being mistaken for a bag snatcher and the handicapped artist who lost his home after a demolition. The thought of fellow Filipinos suffering from hunger, diseases and extreme poverty breaks my heart. I want to slap corrupt politicians silly. Knock some teeth off. Gem told me he got teary-eyed when he saw the ad with the lola and grandson in it.

Last month, the bus I rode stopped in MIA Road and under an overpass, I saw an old woman and a young boy. The old woman was sleeping on cartons laid out in the pavement and the boy took a plastic water filled with what seemed like drinking water- murky drinking water. I didn't feel lucky (the usual feeling I get when I see somebody in an unfortunate stiuation). I felt angry that people have to live in those poor conditions. Sigh, when will all the suffering end? Sometimes I feel guilty when I splurge on frappe. Yeah, I worked hard for my moolah. It just feels unfair for some people who don't get to eat complete meals daily.

***

I'm watching the news while typing this post and I found out that the 16-year-old kid who got shot by a phone snatcher already passed away. I saw his picture in a news update last night. One thing I remind my brothers about being in a situation like that is to hand everything to those criminals. Not just the phones but the whole bag just to fend them off. We can always buy new phones. Anything just to be safe.

***

I took this picture while waiting for the counterflow (buhos system) to end in Coastal Road. Beautiful isn't it? Such a wonderful place to be in if it weren't for the trash strewn all over the seashore.

2007-04-28T00:27:00.000-07:00

Ring!

For the love of texting, I have spent thousands on phone bills. Nevermind if my hard-earned cash goes to Globe monthly. I've been using my mom's line for more than two years now. Imagine my surprise when I was offered a monthly rebate on phone bills or a brand new handset. I chose the Sony Ericcson K800i but there were no stocks by the time my mom called. I settled for the Nokia E65 handset instead. I am not ditching my N70. Augy found a buyer for the E65. Bye, phone! Kit will get a new Playstation 2 and the rest of the moolah will go to.....drum roll please.....my savings! =)

Surprise!

2007-04-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

Love ko 'to

I have a confession to make. I actually enjoyed being sick. Not because I love suffering but because I was cooped up at home with my brothers. Gem would leave the house before 8 in the morning and get home before 5 in the afternoon. I was stuck with a very bored Kit who pestered me about a promised Playstation 2 and wheedled money for C2.

I realized that my brothers are growing up and in a few years more, I won't be able to spend as much time driving them nuts, ordering them about or talking to them about their friends and antics.

my goofy-looking brothers. =P

Kit's going to take up Radiologic Technology in De La Salle University- Health Sciences Campus in Dasma. Gem's going to be in his third year in Nursing school. He was horrified to find out that Kit will be in the same campus. They pretend to not like each other. Haha. Inseparable. Their tuition cost an arm and a leg. I don't have the right to complain really because I don't pay for them. Bad, bad sis. I'm just broke you see. =P

Kit wants to go to London after college because his best friend Aron will move there later this year. I know Gem want s to go there too. So I have a few years to spend with them. I'll probably bawl the whole time once they grow up and leave me here. Funny how they always seem to end up in one place. When Kit started high school, I remember Gem telling me that in the first few days, he would go to Gem's classroom during breaks and follow him around like a shadow.
I've always adored my brothers. Not even parties in college kept me from going home to Cavite. Number 1 Rule: Kahit magpakalasing pag weekdays, huwag lang weekends.

Imagine how paranoid I get when Kit goes home late at night from gimmicks or even when Gem leaves for school. I worry about them all the time. I've talked about alcohol poisoning to Kit who took after me when it comes to doing crazy stunts. A few nights ago, it took a long time for him to come back after accompanying Aron to the village gate so he can ride a jeepney going to the highway. I took a pair of scissors because clutching a kitchen knife while walking in the streets might alarm neighbors who might bump into me. I placed the scissors inside my pocket and I took a flashlight. I was relieved to see him walking towards me and my lola. I have poor eyesight but I certainly know how my brother walks even in the dark so I knew it was him. I thought something bad happened and I wanted to rush to his rescue. Somebody is losing her marbles.

***
It's my off today and Kit is still asleep. A few inches more and he wouldn't fit in his bed. He's getting taller. Taller than Gem because he spends all his time eating and sleeping. I spent three nights watching television with him. The other night, I was lying in my bed when he entered the room and asked for my Meteor Garden cds. We ended up watching until dawn.

I have this huge crush on Jerry Yan and I love the character that he portrayed. Where can you find a rich guy who will love you that much? Imagine having a boyfriend who will lose sleep over you, cry because of you and who will fight and protect you... Sigh. I just love men with strong personalities. Addict nanaman ako sa Meteor Garden. Ano ba? 4 years ago pa yun ah.

I cried over several scenes. Kit was busy watching that he didn't notice so I didn't get teased. He asked me how to say the word student in Chinese. So I had to wrack my brains to remember the Mandarin words. Dalawang characters kasi yun. Gem knows a few Chinese phrases. He got addicted to Meteor Garden that he borrowed my Chinese conversational book and studied phrases on his own. Kit and I are planning to buy the Full House cds naman. Total bonding with my brother. Nice.

***
I love my phone's new theme. It's a sexy girl in a white bikini carrying a surfboard. Gem downloaded it for me yesterday. If I can't go to the beach then I’ll carry a part of it with me. Hehe.

2007-04-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

Growling Tummy

I've always been prone to illnesses that affec t the stomach and intestines. I didn't scratch my head when I had a terrible tummy ache a few days ago. I thought it was connected to my abusive diet inspite of eating enough during the night.

My off ended last Sunday. I woke up to my mom's voice asking me where I've placed my Pizza Hut Palm card. I pointed her to the direction of a topsy-turvy cabinet filled with hair accessories, beauty products and whathaveyou. I stayed in bed until the delivery guy arrived with the Supreme Family Pan Pizza, Pepsi Max and our free Pepperoni and Cheese Pizza. I ate two slices. So greedy that I completely forgot my diet. Screw diets. =) That wasn't the end of the gluttony. At work, Ren gleefully waved our cash prize (for the decorate-your-bay-contest) and asked the agents present about what we will spend it for. Erika screamed for pizza. Oooohh...Yellow Cab popped up in my mind. Ren made a call to Yellow Cab in PeopleSupport. After a few minutes, we had pizza in the pantry. I went on break and proceeded with some teammates to devour our share. I sprinkled chili pepper powder onto two slices and chewed on until they were all gone. My mouth felt hot and my lips turned red with all the powder I consumed. I doused the burning sensation with cold water. By lunch, I bought a big bottle of C2 Apple in 7 11 and stayed with friends outside McDonald's. After about an hour, I was clutching my stomach in pain. I thought it was my period torturing me this early or I just needed to go to the washroom and flush out toxins. And flush out toxins I did not after I panicked while in a call because I felt that I needed to rush to the toilet ASAP. After the painful episode, I asked the guard on duty for medicine. There was nothing for hyperacidity so I asked for Diatabs. My tummy still ached a bit on the way to Cavite. It subsided when I got home around 8 in the morning. Everything went fine and dandy the rest of the day. I slept for a few hours and woke up at 2pm for this HR volunteer thing. I ate a little rice and beef tapa. Yummy. I left the house at past 4pm and things went on smoothly. I got down at Libertad to wait for a bus bound for Ayala. That was when my tummy acted up. By the time I was sitting in the bus, my body was wracked with pain. I felt like going to the washroom at that very minute. I almost died inside the bus while stuck in traffic. I made it to the office on time and rushed to the washroom. I felt weak and dizzy after. I went to the clinic but there was no doctor. A nurse was on duty and she asked me to go back after two hours. Perfect. I was in pain that I wanted to lie down in the middle of the pantry. I spoke to the program manager and I was allowed to go home as long as the nurse provides a notice. I went back to the clinic with a teammate, Mavic. The nurse told me that I can go home and she will just email the notice to my supervisor. It took me a few minutes to wait for a bus bound for Quiapo.

The sight of UST, our old apartment and Dapitan Street made my heart skip a bit inspite of the pain. Funny how I didn't feel scared of standing in Quiapo to wait for a jeepney. Working at night and having to travel at ungodly hours made me braver. =) I rode the San Agustin and got home at 10pm. I spent the night with my brothers in the living room and retired to my bedroom at 1am. I woke up at 5am to eat breakfast and take a bath. I decided to go to the De La Salle University Medical Center for a checkup. I know that I can't endure the pain and the hassle of feeling like going to the washroom everytime. I begged Gem to wait for me so I'll have somebody to travel with. Who cares if it was just 10-15 minutes away from my house. I brought a book, The Hobbit with me so I'll have something to read while waiting endlessly. I got to the hospital at 8 in the morning and waited for more than 30 minutes to get a Maxicare referral. The secretary told me to go to Dr. Santi's clinic. I walked around looking for the room and found it near the Building 2. The secretary told me to wait until 11am. Bummer. I went to the benches in the hall and started reading my book. Time seemed to drag on slowly and I ended up listening to other people's conversations. A few minutes before 11, Gem arrived and I asked him to accompany me to the canteen before he goes to his next class. He waited for me to order a bottle of Gatorade and a pack of Skyflakes. I felt dizzy with hunger but I couldn't eat a full meal because I didn't want to go to the washroom. He left after five minutes and I sat alone sipping my Gatorade. At 11am, I went to the clinic and was informed by the nurse that I was next. I felt so happy knowing that I can go home by 12pm. After a few minutes, the secretary called my name and I spoke to the doctor. He asked me for the symptoms then he asked me to lie down. He pressed on my tummy, my abdomen and asked me if I felt any pain. He then advised me to stop eating spicy food, drinking iced tea, coffee or any acidic beverages because I have acute gastritis. Yipee! Five years ago, I suffered from gastroenteritis. Now, it's gastritis. So it's bye-bye to my java chip frappe, C2 and chili. Sniff, sniff.

May sakit na nga pero todo picture pa rin. =P

Pizza without the chili pepper powder. How tragic. Augy gets to eat all the hot wings from now on.

I went to Mercury Drug after because the DLSU pharmacy didn't have my medicine. I bought a tube of lipgloss and two packs of e-aji for my brothers before going home. I hate walking around in the sweltering heat. I can't wait for May to come because the rains usually start by then. It's going to be my 26th birthday too. Golly. I'm getting old. Old and a little hopeless. Naah! I'll get to where I want to be. My dad still talks to me about taking up Law. I dunno. I just want to be rich. Haha!

2007-04-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

Sheer Bad Luck

I've never been this depressed since I had my heart broken. When it rains, it pours. Hell really gave me my share of troubles today. My salary got auto-debited and it might take 7-15 working days according to the Equitable PCI Bank representative before I get my money back. No thanks to the iBank ATM machine which probably thought my money was yummy enough to be eaten. No words can describe the disappointment I felt upon finding out that my four thousand pesos disappeared into thin air.

It was supposed to be a lovely day. Augy and I met up with Gladz. We accompanied her to Serendra so she could buy a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. After she drove off to Makati, Augy and I spent time in Starbucks where I sipped my grande Java Chip Frappe ( that I bought in Starbucks Market! Market!) and nibbled on a slice of Oreo Cheescake. I left a small portion uneaten due to a fly that zoned into the delicious cake. Screw flies.

We spent the rest of the afternoon window shopping. Augy loved the Nike store in Serendra. He drooled over these limited edition shoes that were displayed in the second level of the store. I didn't share the joy because I am not into athletic gear. We took lots of pictures, walked around and decided to withdraw the rest of my money. There I found out what iBank's stupid ATM did to my salary. I worked hard for my money and now I have to wring my hands and learn to be patient before I make use of it. No shopping for me until I have this problem resolved.

Another thing to be depressed about is the poor state of my health. I went to the OB-Gyne today and received bad news. Don't get any crazy ideas. I need to keep things to myself for now though. I am pretty troubled by everything. =(

I wish I'd have great things to look forward to. Sniff.

2007-04-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

Silver Lining

I have dealt with depression for about three days or so. The kind that makes you weep while staring at your computer screen at work, the one that makes you wish to just stay home in bed and sleep your worries and fears away. I don't know what hit it me but last week was terrible to even think about. I wanted to quit working (so what if I had bills to pay and plans to fulfill that entailed saving and scrimping) and just take a rest at home. The afternoon breeze and the sunshine that greet me whenever I wake up would make things worse. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch television, drink fruit juice and observe my brothers as they watch movies, surf the net, eat and talk on the phone all day. It may have been caused by stress. Burnout. This month would mark my fourth year as a working young adult. I am exhausted. I am depressed.

My mood changed for the better last Friday. There was a silver lining to my dark cloud after all and it felt good to not feel so sad even if there weren't a lot to be happy about. I just snapped back to being positive and bubbly. I know I have so many things to be thankful for. My family, friends and my (oh-so boring) job.

To celebrate my oh-so simple life, I had breakfast with Augy at Heaven & Eggs. He wolfed down his breakfast chicken teriyaki and bean sprouts while I nibbled in between yapping. I wish I could do that everyday. Sit down with Augy for a sumptuous meal, spend time at home doing nothing with my brothers and have nice conversations with friends. With the boredom and insanity, my life is still beautiful. I am thankful that I wake up everyday to find that nothing is missing.

Thank you, Lord.

nothing like a yummy breakfast with the love of my life

happy (like nothing is ugly in the world)

i wish every day would be like this

2007-04-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

Lazy...

I woke up in time for lunch today, spooned a little rice and fish into my mouth, drank a glass of water and went back to bed. I was roused by my phone's incessant ringing. Augy has been texting me all morning. I checked the time and realized that I have been sleeping for more than eight hours already. I walked lazily to the bathroom and took a quick shower. By the time I finished dressing up, my stomach was making grumbling noises. I didn't eat breakfast at all. Just the small servings I had for lunch. Not even a mug of Milo. I asked Kit if he wanted to eat pizza. I ordered a Family Super Supreme Sausage-stuffed crust Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut in Dasma. Since I purchased a Palm Card, I get a Hawaiian Pan Pizza for free. After two slices of pizza, I felt like puking my guts out. All this dieting has made eating normally a pain. I am stuffed. I'll skip dinner later and will just spend the night watching television. I tried to watch The Good Shepherd the other night but didn't finish it because I was so sleepy. I might watch it until the end later.

Here's a favorite poem by Maya Angelou:

Still I Rise
You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise.

2007-04-03T03:48:00.000-07:00

Life's Lessons

With only a day left for me to sleep, eat and relax, I decided to finally blog about my brother's graduation last week. I admit that I felt annoyed at having to go to Tagaytay. Not because I didn't want to be there for Kit's high school graduation but because I didn't want to take the bus. Adding to that was my mom's suggestion that I go alone. A shy person like me wouldn't last an hour in an auditorium packed with people who know each other and who would be inclined to talk and laugh while I sat there quiet and alone. Kit would be there of course but he would be sitting far from my seat so that made the idea even more appalling. Good thing, my lola was eager to come along so it cheered me up. I really wanted to be there for my brother on such a special day. Another surprise popped up before I went to bed. My dad would drive us to Tagaytay and stay there until the whole ceremony ends.

It was hard for me to wake up really early during my off because I am used to staying in bed until lunch. I usually sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning even if I feel sleepy. I have this desire to make the most of my off. I have to be awake the whole time just to feel how it is to be at home with my family. It was difficult to sleep before midnight but for the love of my youngest brother, I did. I woke up as soon as my lola entered my room, I ate breakfast in a jiffy and took a 20-minute bath. I made sure to dress up quickly lest my dad gets irritated by the amount of time I spend primping in front of the mirror.

We left the house at 6 in the morning. My dad decided to take the road going to Amadeo instead of passing by Aguinaldo Highway even if it would take longer for us to get to the Tagaytay International Convention Center. I enjoyed looking out the window and just taking the scenery in. My dad pointed out where our relatives live, a little bit of family history here and there. It felt good knowing that there's a place where I could always run to and feel safe. There's nothing like having a family I must say.

We got to the Convention Center a few minutes past 7. Parents and students milled around the entrance and I spent my time talking to my lola. By the time we were allowed to enter the place, we spotted some friends, Thea's lola, mom and brother. Thea is Kit's batchmate and they studied preschool together in a school near our home. They got separated during their elementary days and got reunited in high school. Thea and her family live in the village beside ours and my lola is friends with her lola because they used to wait for their apos in school. We hurried to the washroom before the ceremony started which was later than we expected.

Kit and Aron (he likes Thea so much that he would ask Kit to accompany him to her house all the time). They spend so much time together even eating meals at each other's homes.

My lola and chose seats near the stage so I can scurry forward to take snapshots. I had to chase Kit around just to get some pictures for him to remember his high school graduation by. The ceremony started late because the first speaker came in late. We prayed, sang songs of praise and listened to the speaker's words of encouragement for the graduates. I sang 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' at the top of my lungs. It felt good to sing that song after years of not going to church. I suddenly remembered how strong and secure I feel whenever I attend worship and listen to God's words. It felt good knowing that whatever happens, I can always rely on God to strengthen me.

The ceremony lasted for two hours. We listened to the salutatorian and valedictorian deliver their speeches. I choked back a sob when the salutatorian dedicated her medal to her parents. Those high school kids made me sniffle and wipe my eyes dry. I was seated near the girls and they cried even at the start of the salutatorian's speech. They hugged each other, laughed and cried some more. One pair stood out from the rest. I couldn't resist taking a snapshot of those two girls. They held hands the whole time they sang their graduation song, Like An Eagle.

So heartwarming

It was hard taking a picture of Kit accepting his diploma because of those horrid Styrofoam decors. The parents and other family members had to stay behind a line of COCC officers to keep things orderly. I ended up chasing Kit near the stage because he didn't stop for one last picture. Some of his female batchmates who included the girl he's courting laughed at the sight of us bickering with each other.

Picture na pinaghirapan ng ate

After the ceremony, my lola and I left Kit to spend some time with his friends. My dad who stayed in our AUV already made friends with a man who lives in a house just outside the convention center's gate. We bought three pots of plants from him before leaving for SM Dasma. We stopped by Silang to buy meat before eating lunch at the mall. We decided to eat at KFC because my dad was starving and it was the first fastfood we spotted upon entering the mall. I paid for the food feeling like a proper grownup again. I had to order two meals for Kit who ended up not finishing all his food. My dad ate his leftovers. Haha. My dad went home right after lunch, Kit met up with his friend and my lola went with me to the department store so I could look for board shorts.

I found really cute shorts at the Teens' Wear Department. It was a major achievement to fit into a pair of large board shorts made for teenagers. I saw Kit's schoolmate choose a pair with her mom. Feeling teenager ako. =)

My lola and I headed to Watson's and Jollibee before going home. I bought Mango de Crema Ice Craze for Gem. By the time we got home, the ice turned into liquid and I had to place the takeout plastic in the freezer for an hour before he could eat it.

Kit enjoyed high school so much. Last Friday, they were watching One Piece episodes on DVD when he said, 'Nakakadepress.'

It surprised me not fully realizing that kids like him who spend days laughing and hanging out get depressed too. I asked him why and his answer broke my heart.

'Wala nang high school.'

***

Kit: Ate, ate... Alam mo ba naiiyak na nga

ako nung graduation. Kaya lang nagpatawa yung classmate ko kasi maiiyak kami. Pagkatapos nun, di na ako naiyak.

Another time...

Kit: Nakakatuwa yung principal namin. Mahina kasi yung kuryente sa PCU tapos lahat ng rooms aircon... One time namatay yung aircon sabay umandar uli.

(Sir Morales: Hay naku, ang kuryente talaga sa PCU nagflufluctuate nanaman.)

Kit: Hindi alam ni Sir Morales yung classmates ko nasa likod ng room sa may control ng kuryente. Pinapatay nila tapos binubuksan uli. Hehe.

Me: Buti hindi nakuryente classmates mo!

Kit: May gloves eh. Na-guidance nga kami kasi nahuli pero nanonood lang naman ako eh. Tawa lang ako ng tawa.

Boys...

***
After I attended my brother's graduation, I felt intense longing to be with them. I love getting stuck at home with them doing nothing. I worry when Kit's not home after dark. My brothers are growing up and knowing that we'll soon lead separate lives in a few years makes me want to spend more and more time with them. My brothers keep me happy nowadays.

***
I have learned that I can listen to what people say about me and believe that what they think about me is who and what I am. I can let them convince me that I am the person they see me to be. But I refuse to be affected by people who have only known me in so short a time and yet have the guts to judge me. I will never let anybody hurt me by saying that there is something wrong with how I do and say things.

You don't know me. I won't waste my time knowing who you are. Just seeing how you act and knowing how you think made me realize that I do not want to be like you. Nor anywhere near you. I will not give you the right to hurt me in any way. I pity you. You are beneath me. Just by how you behave, you are way beneath me.

(Heck, you don't even know what a blog is...)

***
In two days, I have learned the painful lesson of forgiveness. Live and let live. I have grown to appreciate my family, my friends, Augy and every little thing about my life. Some things like my job suck but I have a home to run to at the end of the day and loved ones who care for me and know me in a way others don't. Those are enough. I am blessed beyond words. I am complete. I am safe.

2007-03-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

Fresh Start

My eyes are drooping, drooping, drooping...

My phone's alarm gave me a jolt at four in the morning. I NEVER wake up early during my off. I stay up until the wee hours of the morning but waking up at that time is unimaginable. However, it was Kit's graduation. I had to accompany him to the Tagaytay International Convention Center because my mom couldn't leave work. My dad drove me, Kit and my lola there early in the morning. I want to write down everything that transpired but my head is nodding off. Sleep beckons. I will write about my day with high school kids next week. =)

baby no more

2007-03-20T01:29:00.000-07:00

Anything and Everything About Me

I suddenly found the desire to write. I always end up writing during ungodly hours. I know my parents can hear the tap-tapping of the keys while I'm typing since the computer room is adjacent to their bedroom. I type in a computer like I would in a typewriter. I don't know why I love making so much noise. =)

Gem's done with their course's battery exam. They had to take two sets of exams about the subjects they had in the two years they have already spent in Nursing school. It was his birthday last Friday, March 16. I went home on Saturday morning and found a roll of Goldilocks' mocha cake and a box of brownies in the refrigerator. On Sunday afternoon, I passed by the grocery store outside our village to buy a gallon of Selecta's Double Dutch ice cream only to find another gallon of Magnolia's trio ice cream in mango, ube and chocolate flavors. My dad cooked spaghetti yesterday afternoon and I ended up grating cheese while watching my favorite show, Miami Ink in Discovery Travel and Living. I ate a lot. Too much in fact for my diet. Am I really turning into an anorexic? I don't know. I vowed to stop eating starting later. I had lots of ice cream. I masked the amount of the sweet treat I ate by eating them in cones and not in bowls like what Gem and my lola do. Kunyari konti lang yung kinain ko. Pero ilang cones ba ako in one day? Hehe.

Augy and I spent Sunday pigging out. Yellow Cab's Manhattan Meatlovers and hot wings again! Clubhouse sandwich and fries. Eating like there's no tomorrow is what we normally do when we're together. Just imagine what would happen to my body if we spend a lot of time together like during my Xbox stint. I grew really, really chubby. One time, I had dinner with Gladz in Pizza Hut and she couldn't help but exclaim, 'Anong ginawa ni Augy sa iyo, best friend?' Gladz is currently M.I.A. I don't know what's happening to her lately. I make sure to text her daily though.

I watch Miami Ink every week. If I end up snoozing early on Sunday evenings, I make sure to catch the show on Monday afternoons. I am so enamored with Ami James, who co-owns the tattoo shop, Miami Ink along with Chris Nunez. I like Chris but Ami caught my eye the first time I watched an episode. He served in the Israel Defense Forces. He's bald as you can see (like Augy). I find that sexy. I now find tattoos sexy. I might even have a tattoo done someday. I need a ticket to Miami, Florida. Haha!

Yoji Harada, Chris Nunez, Darren Brass, Chris Garver and Ami James

Remember the time I happily announced that our kleptomaniac teammate doesn't come to work anymore? Well, she's back. Grr... I am so evil.

Last week was okay at work since I received emails. It made the days seem shorter than usual. I'm applying for a mortgage account because I want to be trained in the States. That's how bored I am with my life. I find ways to amuse myself. I hope that life will become sweeter for me. I guess compared to some people, my life is uncomplicated, devoid of sorrows and pain but sometimes I find it utterly boring. I am longing for adventure. I ponder on going home to Antique but my parents will spend the Holy Week in Mindoro. I don't want to go there while the house is being constructed. I don't have anything to do though my mom said they'll go for a dip in the sea. My aunt and her whole family (that includes baby bitch, Quincy) will go home to Antique and I thought of tagging along but I am saving my cash for a little adventure before the end of the year and I don't really want to trouble them. I am prone to tantrums and mood swings. When partnered with Quin, my aunt will surely throw a fit.

I feel so down lately. I am usually lively during my rest days. It must be the stress or the boredom. I don't know. My mood shifts in a snap so I am expecting things to look up for me tomorrow.

My family and I had a conversation in the living room after dinner except for Kit who went to bed early. We discussed illnesses that are hereditary. We mentioned tuberculosis, diabetes then I curiously asked if my family has one illness that gets passed from one generation to the next. My dad uttered the word heart. With my heart broken so many times, I wonder why my heart hasn't stopped? When you find love, I guess it keeps it alive. =)

2007-03-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

Click!

I have no time to write something long and decent so here are snapshots from my dad's little weekend in Mindoro.

the lechon that my dad turned into lechon paksiw for Gem's birthday when he got home

the construction of my parents' house in Mindoro

my family has always loved the sea. it shows from my name (Reapearl) to the family business...

2007-03-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

Pain

How do you get over the pain of wanting something so bad but not even come close to having it within your grasp? Something as simple as a childhood dream that not even your best friend knows about. Only long-forgotten autographs would bear witness to your innocent yearning. Nobody knows how you've dreamed about it for so long. The pain is heartbreaking.

I guess my heart is now in tiny pieces.

2007-03-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Wishful Thinking

The reality of working my ass off for another four days is slowly sinking in. I feel lazy about having to get out of bed and working for 11 hours and yet I feel determined to earn enough to do what I want by the end of this year. I have such a beautiful, exciting plan that keeps me on my toes. When I feel like quitting my stressful job to stay at home and watch television and eat all day, I get snapped out of my crazy thoughts and I keep going no matter how bored and depressed I am. Why can't I be as rich as some friends who get to travel every year wherever they want? Wishful thinking. God gives you what you need and not what you want. Not everything I want is good for me anyway. What's the use of being envious of other people's good fortune. I just have to keep on working and earning until my dreams are within my reach. Who am I to complain when some people have nothing but the clothes on their backs?

***
I had a blast last Sunday. I spent time with Augy of course. We feasted on KFC chicken, hotshots, and burger. I ate like there was no tomorrow. Maybe because I don't eat that much in the office and I consider weekends like I would holidays where I would stuff my face with food. Calorie-laden or not, I don't even care. I eat whatever I want, whatever I can put my hands into. I am all of 105 pounds now. I don't even know if that is right for my height. What is my height anyway? I should know because I want to apply as a flight attendant. Nevermind if I don't know how to swim well. Nevermind if I might be less than 160 centimeters. I can always try. A childhood dream gone unfulfilled.

on the way to Glorietta

Days with Augy are spent pigging out. We had lunch at Gerry's Grill in Glorietta. It was hot outside. It was a reminder that summer is a few weeks away. After an eternity waiting for our food, the waiter approached and informed us that the food will be a few minutes late because there was a problem with the cooker or whatever contraption they have in the kitchen. I was getting antsy but I didn't show it. We spent the whole time talking and taking pictures. There were families sitting all around us and we watched two little girls run around and we ogled at a chubby baby boy in his mother's arms.

i can eat a cow

We were first served our spicy chicken and garlic rice that we devoured. I dipped my chicken in vinegar and relished the taste of pepper in my mouth. We had to wait for our pork sisig for a few minutes more. We had to eat it without rice because we finished everything off before it got served. I felt dizzy after eating sisig. Augy and I strolled around the mall and went to Bibliarch. He checked some comic books while I browsed through some novels. Since he was craving for ice cream, we walked to Icebergs where we both had choco chip parfaits. More conversations and pictures before we took the cab home.

homebound

I am in search of a new job because work sucks. Kidding. I am just plain bored and I want to shift careers. Yeah right. I want to be a couch potato. Or a housewife so I can watch Wowowee and Eat Bulaga everyday. I can catch Full House and Palimos ng Pag-ibig before the evening news. Utterly pathetic.

2007-03-05T23:00:00.000-08:00

Bits and Pieces

Some days can be good or bad. Some days they can be both. A day I had last week was downright nasty. Some people think I don't have it in me to be bitchy, but I do. I can be sarcastic at times and that is something a lot of people have noticed about me. I can't help it. Smirk. I get stuck with Erika and Jill and the sarcasm intensifies. We ganged up on our kleptomaniac teammate, Sally. She hasn't been going to work since. Am I sorry? Well... Guilty maybe. Sorry? No.

I'm trying to be good now you see and I don't want to act like such a mean bitch. That was the last time I'm going to feel good about getting even. Revenge has never been my thing and being bad is not something I can ever be proud of. It was well worth being evil though.

***
I was eating my shark's fin dumplings that I bought in Dimsum and Dumplings while my friends were pigging out at KFC a few nights ago when I read Gem's message that he lost Kit's Adidas trainers. Somebody stole the shoes while his whole class was having an exam. I felt bad for him because the pair wasn't his and shoes like that don't come cheap. My lola told me the next morning when I got home that he arrived dazed and troubled. Kleptomaniacs abound. I comforted him by saying that he'll get a thousand pairs someday and the guy who stole his shoes might find himself with no feet at all. Karma I say.

One thing that cheered him up was the news that he won't have to take the Statistics final exam. Smart. It makes me so proud.

***
I am back to reading my Tolkien books again. Five years after I secretly hoarded them from National Bookstore, I find myself whipping them out in the bus on the way to work. Days off are spent in bed clutching at my books and softly reading and absorbing the words. You know you're crazy when you cry at the parts that are not even mushy. I am insane.

***
Augy and I spent another lazy Sunday together. I headed straight to Yellow Cab in PeopleSupport after work and ordered Manhattan Meatlovers and hot wings. I was excited to see him. He frowned at my sudden weight loss. Am I anorexic? I don't know. I'm not THAT thin. Eating just scares me sometimes. I don't eat at night during my days off and I eat only a little rice once a day. I pigged out on pizza though. There's nothing like eating without thinking of getting fat. I shoved food into my mouth. Pizza and chicken have never tasted that good.

For lunch, we decided to eat at Gerry's again. It's becoming a tradition now. I sipped at my Venti mocha frappe on the way to the restaurant. That was the last of my Starbucks gift certificate. Sigh. We sat near an old Chinese couple. Augy told me that it would be such a great achievement to grow old together. How it would feel really good to be together after so many years. Sweet.

The rest of the time we spent at Serendra walking around and looking at books in A Different Bookstore. Only one thing spoiled the beautiful day. My tummy ached terribly and I had to go to Xbox to use the washroom. I sent a message to Iryn because the moment reminded me of her own misery weeks ago. Haha.

Serendra

Market! Market!

***
I went home early Saturday morning with Erika and Jill. I was in Cavite at 4:30 am. On the way to the village's guardhouse, a huge white dog looked at me with contempt and barked. Uh-oh. Not another one. Nobody was out in the streets since it was a weekend. I tiptoed back beside the dark vulcanizing shop near the gate and called our home phone. My dad answered the phone and he said he would pick me up near the gate. I was standing nervously waiting for him to approach me but I saw nothing. Then out of the darkness, I saw a man in shorts with no shirt on running and flapping his arms. My dad scared the hell of the poor dog. It ran into the opposite direction and the dogs in our block barked and howled. I was so ashamed to have roused the whole neighborhood.

My dad followed me home and I discovered that a friend gave him a puppy that he will bring to Mindoro on Wednesday. We couldn't find the pup anywhere. My lola looked under the beds using a flashlight and I peeked out the door to see if it slipped past my dad when he went out to pick me up. After so many tiring minutes, it ventured out of its hiding place. My lola christened him Jack. I wonder where she got the name. I'm starting to love the puppy but I can't hold on to him with three grown dogs that we already care for at home.

Jack, what big mouth you have!

Iryn and I have plans of traveling here and there. I feel like a hobbit with my love for adventure, home, food and nature. I will keep mum about it lest I ruin the beautiful, wonderful plans. Excitement runs through me like electricity.

***
I spoiled myself today. I drank lots of Milo, bit into Oreo cookies, sipped mango juice and feasted on Bread Pan and choco caramel balls. I love losing control sometimes. I deserve all those munchies.

***

I had my hair trimmed. Summer, here I come!

2007-02-26T01:15:00.000-08:00

Ordinary Sunday

I'm supposed to be in bed now so I can have an early start or a decent breakfast while our crazy neighbor's birds are chirping themselves to exhaustion. Do they ever get tired of making those sounds? I guess not. As I was saying, I should be trying to sleep now, but I don't feel like closing my eyes and wasting my time sleeping. There I go again. I regret not getting enough snooze when I'm sleepy and sluggish at work, but I can't make myself sleep early on weekends. I have this desire to make the most out of my time. I don't want to sleep the night away like I did with my whole morning today.

I didn't go out for lunch like what I had anticipated and it drove me to tears. I got upset because Augy didn't reply to my messages earlier so I would have time to prepare before leaving the house. He sent me a message more than an hour after I texted. I was so disappointed. I hate rushing through things. I hate having to take a quick bath, pull whatever piece of clothing I have in the closet and get out of the house all sweaty and out of breath. I understand that he had to attend to his mom's old yaya who is in the hospital and I would never ever want him to give up on things that are really important for a lunch date that we can always reschedule. I was just upset that he didn't text me sooner about our plans. I decided to stay home, but depression took the best of me that I ended up sleeping the whole morning before having lunch with my lola and Gem. I climbed back into bed right after eating and then woke up right in time to watch The Buzz. I am such a tsismosa. I just wanted to take my mind off my disappointing weekend. I ended up fighting with Augy after, but we made up. I am so stressed out that everything that goes wrong just makes my blood go shooting up my head.

I am crossing my fingers that things will get better this week. I hope I can cope with my new schedule. 11 hours of work in one day. 4 days at work. I get 3 days off. One day I will probably devote to sleeping and spending time with my family. Two days for reading blogs, checking Friendster, watching movies, Discovery Channel and Lifestyle and Food Network and bonding with Augy.

The bad thing about being on a diet is salivating over food that you cannot eat. I deal with the cravings by watching cooking shows. I watched one today while waiting for Kris' interview (tsismosa talaga). I caught Anthony Bourdain's show, No Reservations in the Discovery Travel and Living. He went to Malaysia to explore the sights and taste the different cuisines. It fueled my desire to travel again. I told Augy about it and he said we will go to one place in the Philippines this year. Iryn and I want to go to Bohol this year and then one Asian country next year. We're planning to go to Island Cove next month with Karl. I guess it will help in getting my mind off work. I am starting to really hate my job when I know I used to enjoy it. I really did until I started getting more calls than emails and I find it unfair. Things will get better I am sure.

It reminded me of a conversation with Augy about success and fulfillment. I am not successful but for some reason I am happy. I may have those terrible mood swings and bouts of depression but the happy days abound. I know we'll get to where we want to be someday. No rush.

My parents will be home from Mindoro tomorrow. It's lonely without them here. For one, their bedroom's empty and I don't feel comfortable staying in the computer room alone which is adjacent to it. Hehe. I actually miss hearing my dad's booming voice.

It's funny that I have more time to blog now. I used to feel lazy even if I have so many stories to tell about my life. Now that everything's gone boring, I just have the urge to write even in such ungodly hours. Another thing I want to make time for is praying. I don't pray as much as I used to when I know I should. I need guidance more than ever and forgiveness for the pains I cause people now and then. I need to pray more because I don't feel as strong or as courageous as I was back when I spent so much time talking to God and reading the Bible. God and I need to do some serious talking.

random stuff...

I am craving for Tinapayan's caramel bars. I should get some this week when I drop by Market! Market!

I want a venti Java Chip Frappe.

I can't wait to eat pizza with hot sauce and yummy pasta.

I am looking forward to watching the film, The Pursuit of Happyness. I read an interview about the man behind the book and the film in the Reader's Digest and I ended up crying.

After so many months of not watching the show, I made time for Miami Ink (in Discovery Travel and Living) last night. I love it. I don't plan on getting a tattoo, but those artists sure know their art. I can't wait for next Sunday.